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Original poster

24 year old son not paid uni rent and I'm the guarantor

92 replies

AvaloniaFunk · 15/12/2020 08:09

My son is 24 and in his last year at uni. Our relationship is not great ( long story) and he has not been communicating well with me, or any other family, for months. He will occasionally texts if he needs something urgent but that is all.
This morning I have had an email from his uni accommadation. It was addressed to him and was a final warning regarding paying his rent. His rent should be paid from his student loan which more than covers it. This is the first I have heard of it. It says they have tries to contact him numerous times with no response and if his rent isn't paid by the end of this week ( approx £3000) a 3% charge will be added. I am his guarantor but am a single mum to two younger children and have no savings whatsoever. Any advice?

OP posts:
safariboot · 17/12/2020 11:31

Even though it's not uni-owned housing, speaking to the university may be of use. Assuming he doesn't drop out, he can't avoid the university staff like he can avoid you, and I imagine some unis at least would take a dim view of his behaviour.

justilou1 · 17/12/2020 11:54

Can you get the police to do a welfare check if he is not responding to calls and sms? (Might give him a wake up call?) I know you are not with his father, but also contact him...

Neenan · 17/12/2020 17:53

@BigSandyBalls2015

Like another poster on here, my DDs student loan goes into a bank account that she doesn’t have access to. Some may call it ‘controlling’ at that age but it’s very easy to move away from home for the first time and get carried away with the spending.

DD moans about it sometimes but her loan doesn’t even cover her rent, we have to top it up. Her grandparents give her £200 a month to live on which she has to budget with and if thats not enough then she has to work. I do send the odd food order or Greggs voucher Smile.

I did exactly this with both mine. If my name was the guarantor I absolutely reserved the right to control the loan and my DC’s finances. We also had to top up a significant amount and both were wise enough to choose my way or the highway and do it alone.

They had an allowance themselves to manage food, books, entertainment etc but not those essentials like accommodation and bills, I managed that.

MusicTeacherSussex · 19/12/2020 01:01

How are things? Did you get hold of your son?

Original poster
AvaloniaFunk · 20/12/2020 16:17

I haven't managed to get in touch with him but I have spoken with staff at the accommadation . They say they see him regularly and he seems in good enough spirits, so from a welfare point of view that's reassuring.
There is no way out of the contract. I am liable for the full academic year whether my son lives there or not.
I have borrowed from another child's bank account for now to pay off the imminent debt. A new, much larger, payment is due in January.
For those you said ask his father or grandparents for help, I'm afraid I don't have the luxury of that kind of family support.
Thanks for all the helpful comments

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 20/12/2020 16:19

Are you certain your obligations end at the end of the academic year? Sometimes there's a rolling contract.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 20/12/2020 16:20

You do need to contact him and let him know where the money has come from to pay this debt. Make clear that this is theft from his sibling if he doesn't repay it.

LadyLazaruss · 20/12/2020 17:06

@AvaloniaFunk

I haven't managed to get in touch with him but I have spoken with staff at the accommadation . They say they see him regularly and he seems in good enough spirits, so from a welfare point of view that's reassuring. There is no way out of the contract. I am liable for the full academic year whether my son lives there or not. I have borrowed from another child's bank account for now to pay off the imminent debt. A new, much larger, payment is due in January. For those you said ask his father or grandparents for help, I'm afraid I don't have the luxury of that kind of family support. Thanks for all the helpful comments
I'm so sorry for you OP. What a disgrace he is. Sorry to say that, but it's true. I'd be cutting him off financially from this day forward - he'd be getting no sort of help from me again.
drspouse · 20/12/2020 20:00

I have no idea if they could do this, but the university have some jurisdiction over some unpaid bills. Could you ask them what they can do?

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/12/2020 20:33

This must be very hard OP.

If your son does not pay in Jan can you sublet the room?

Have you told him his debt is robbing another child of savings?

I would be both furious with him for his irresponsibility and his failure to talk to you, but also concerned about why this is happening: is he being pressurised for money by someone else, is it drugs or gambling or has he fine something stupid like put all his money in a dodgy Bitcoin type thing.

Fingers crossed for you.

MrDarcysMa · 23/12/2020 00:34

I'd be telling him he's an absolute disgrace, to saddle you with this debt then ignore your calls.
Can they kick him out so you don't get charged for the rest of the year if he's not going to pay jt?

Latenightreader · 24/12/2020 01:11

Is he coming to you for Christmas, or have you sent presents to him elsewhere? I really hope you receive an explanation, an apology, and some money.

AutumnColours9 · 12/01/2021 01:11

I was scared of this and believe not to sign something if I couldn't pay it.. after years of being careful and being on the breadline. We would have been on the streets if we had to pay someone else's rent. So I refused to be one for DC as did both grandparents. All 3 managed without, although in one case it made things harder for her to get somewhere. The more people who do it means it is harder for those who can't. Things like Housing Hand are a rip off and are the same as being liable anyway. We did look into rent insurance as well. Often a LL will excuse one child being guarantor if the others have one. If I could afford to pay it then I possibly would have.

katy1213 · 12/01/2021 01:25

Contact the university. They might withhold his degree until accommodation debts are paid.
Can you withdraw your guarantee/end the tenancy so at least future debts are not accruing?

alexdgr8 · 12/01/2021 01:35

"sharper than a serpent's tooth, is to have an ungrateful child "

OP, contact CAP/ StepChange for free debt advice.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 12/01/2021 01:35

I'd be turning up there and reading him the riot act, in front of his friends if that's what it takes. He needs to take some damn responsibility and sort his own accommodation for next year as, I assume, you won't be trusting him again?

Unfortunately, from a legal standpoint, they've got you over a barrel. This is the point of a guarantor, so that if he defaults, you become liable.

esselllx · 12/01/2021 01:52

Tell him to get his arse in gear. He's probably blowing his loan on stupid stuff. It's his responsibility he should pay it! Thats not fair on you at all

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