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Original poster

How do you afford to be sahm

34 replies

1ronspaa · 09/12/2020 21:39

I’m a mum of two, one school age and the other is still a baby at 1 and a half. My partner earns 30k which is 23 - 24k after tax or £450 a week after tax. I lost my part time job mid way through pandemic and have now started a distance learning degree course. We get help through UC £60 - 70 a week but this will stop when my baby is 3. We get child benefit. I want to try and be a sahm until my baby starts school (then I can look for part. Time work) but worried about the financial side/ affordability of it. Anyone who is a sahm can you explain how you do it? Any tips?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2020 21:42

I did it by DH earning a lot more than that, sorry but it sounds like you can’t afford to be a SAHM unfortunately

Magicbabywaves · 09/12/2020 21:46

Not to rub it in, but because my husband earns six figures. I’m not sure how you would manage.

KarmaNoMore · 09/12/2020 21:48

It depends pretty much on your expenses, particularly fixed regular ones over which you have little control like rent, mortgage and previously acquired debts.

Something I did for a short time when DS was little and nursery costs high was to change my mortgage from repayment to interest only, that freed the money for some essential expenses. Once he was in school, I moved the mortgage back to repayment.

I also reduced expenses by buying from Aldi, charity shops, etc. and reducing the stupid amount of holidays we used to take a year to days out at the coast/hills and going away only once or twice a year.

midnightstar66 · 09/12/2020 21:50

I did it as a single parent on income support, tough times, no better off now working 5 days a week tbh.

flissity · 09/12/2020 21:52

It’s all down to your outgoings versus your DH wages! I haven’t decided whether to go back to work or not after this one.
But having owned a house for nearly 20yrs our mortgage is tiny and DH’s wages are decent. We don’t have money on credit cards or any loans.

Sit down and write down all your finances and just be honest with yourselves to see if it’s viable x

Poorlykitten · 09/12/2020 21:55

I did it and partner was earning less than that, we couldn't really afford childcare at the time as my job was so badly paid there wasn’t much point... We didn’t go anywhere or have any holidays and we lived with my parents.

ChickensMightFly · 09/12/2020 21:55

Yes you can if you want to and given the right circumstances, it's not just about your income.
It all depends how good you are at budgeting and managing your money. You can do it on that salary of your outgoings are low enough, you don't have debts, you don't have expensive hobbies, things like fuel bill is low, you don't buy new clothes very often and you don't have a strong inclination to keep up with the Joneses on whatever, such as pricey days out, eating out, gadgets, latest child must-have etc.
My dh wasn't earning much more and we managed fine, we lived in an area which isn't particularly expensive, our mortgage was fairly low, I cooked from scratch every day so could meal plan to budget, we love doing things that are free anyway like walks/bike rides, my kids had very modest birthday and Xmas treats/presents, I would find cheaper deals whenever car insurance etc was due, never just let a contract roll on.
I wouldn't change a thing. The kids thrived on home love and attention, we got really good at maximising cheap days out like packed lunch and explore a river / free museums etc.. We would do field trips like but a tram ticket for a day and explore the city on the tram, so the kids used ticket machines, traveled, saw stuff, and had loads of experiences they never would have got spending all week in a nursery.
I could have done it on the money you are talking about cos the difference between what my dh brought home and what you have we spent on two nursery days a week.
So it depends on your attitude, your organisation and your willingness to live modestly.

Namechange8471 · 09/12/2020 21:57

I'm lucky that dp earns 54k a year. Before that he was only earning around 24k, we decided not to have children until he had a better job.

It took a few years of training but we manage fine now, I'm also a full time student.

What does your partner do op? Can he look for a better paid job?

Namechange8471 · 09/12/2020 21:58

Also we live in the North East, so the coat of living is relatively cheap.

Could you relocate?

ParkheadParadise · 09/12/2020 22:00

DH earns good money.

I was lucky enough to be able to give up my job long before dd arrived, so I could care for my mum who had dementia.

NellyJames · 09/12/2020 22:04

I was a SAHP for quite a few years. Firstly, DH earns six figures but also, we waited until mid 30s before contemplating children having been together for nearly 15yrs. In that time we saved intensely and went without whilst all our friends were out spending. I didn’t want to have children until we were financially secure and I could SAH for as long as I wanted.

THNG5 · 09/12/2020 22:07

My husband is the main breadwinner and has a 9 to 5 job. I used to be a teacher but am on a (very long) career break due to having young children very close together so the cost of childcare wasn't feasible.
I now work 20 hours in retail in the evenings and weekends to make ends meet.
We have no childcare costs as I'm there all day.

20DigitCombination · 09/12/2020 22:07

childmindinguk.com/becoming-a-childminder

riotlady · 09/12/2020 22:17

It’s totally dependent on your income and outgoings. You need to work out all of your bills and expenditure and see if there’s anything you can cut down to see if you can afford it.

VikingsandDragons · 09/12/2020 23:12

We tried on a similar salary (North East, very small mortgage, low cost of living) but we were just sinking deeper and deeper into debt, so after 18 months I took on evening work to fit around my husband's day time work, ended up being popular, and growing it into a major business for me and I now employ 10 people to do what I used to do (actual jobs with salaries and contracts, this isn't MLM shite) so I genuinely can work from home as I just manage the business rather than delivering it. If we had children now it would be no issue if I chose to be a SAHM as hubby earns double and we've paid off the mortgage so our monthly outgoings are lower, but we couldn't realistically make it work before, and it was miserable and stressful being so tight on money, needing to find money to get new tyres on the car shouldn't give you sleepless nights.

Viviennemary · 09/12/2020 23:16

I think people either have avpartner who earns a good salary if not they are prepared to go without things and live very frugally. I agree that part time evening work is a good idea as a temporary solution . No childminding costs and probably no tax either.

Habbyhadno · 09/12/2020 23:23

My husband earns 60k and we can only do it by the skin of our teeth. We have three kids 7 and under so the cost of childcare for them (private nursery for the smallest and wraparound care and holidays for the other two) would cost more than I would earn going back to work. I honestly don't think we could do it on any less than he earns though. I can't say I totally enjoy being a SAHM, but I'll do it until the youngest is at pre-school I think.

Habbyhadno · 09/12/2020 23:27

Also we have no holidays abroad (the last time I went on a plane I was pregnant with the now 7 year old) and I don't really get to buy the nice things I did when I was working, so no expensive make up, clothes, spa days, etc. I don't really mind that though, we also have quite a low mortgage which helps.

IndecentFeminist · 11/12/2020 15:30

Our income wasn't far off for a while, but our outgoings are low.

Income is irrelevant on its own, what are your fixed outgoings?

Fwiw I would also be concerned about being a sahm when unmarried.

How did the figures stack up when you looked at them pre pregnancy?

Babyroobs · 11/12/2020 15:33

The Uc will not stop when your child turns 3. You may be asked to do some work search commitments but very likely to be in the ' light touch' group as your husband earns enough.

randomsabreuse · 11/12/2020 15:41

It's cheaper for me to stay at home than to work... DH's job doesn't suit childcare pick ups and is full time plus evening and weekend on call which means I don't have the flexibility demanded by most entry level positions.

My minimum to break even (including childcare and commuting/parking costs) is annoyingly high.

Brown76 · 11/12/2020 15:47

I was able to start working self employed in a job where I a can charge a decent hourly rate, and my mum babysat for free during those times. Now the youngest is 3 and gets 30 free hours I’ve taken on more.

doctorhamster · 11/12/2020 16:17

I'm only able to do it because DH is a high earner (not quite 6 figures, but almost)

It honestly isn't worth it if you'll end up in debt op. The majority of children don't have a sahp.

Pregernaught · 11/12/2020 16:25

Depends entirely on where you live really. I live in Staffordshire, I earn £44k, currently pregnant and DH will be a SAHP after the first year, which I’ll be taking as maternity leave. Basically, can you afford everything you need on DH’s wage? We live that way now to prepare for it, DH just pays for food and I pay for everything else. It’s not too bad.

Do you have savings you can use to help out for a few years while you’re not working?

HoneysuckIejasmine · 11/12/2020 16:30

Because DH's income in higher than our outgoings, but DH alone or DH + my income not high enough to cover childcare X2 as well. Therefore, SAHM.

I.e. we can pay all the bills on one wage but can't pay bills and childcare on two.

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