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Original poster

If you have ever lost a significant amount of money, how did you get over it?

30 replies

Movinghouseatlast · 29/11/2020 14:21

We have recently been the victims of a cowboy builder. After months of stress and backwards and forwards our solicitor has informed us that we have no hope of getting our money back. We are about £17k down and counting as we will have to have what we paid for demolished and rebuilt at as cost of £25-30k. The builder is a limited company so would simply shut down if we went to court. Legal fees for taking him to court could be up to £20k so it is pointless.

I am finding it really hard to get past the loss of the money. I know people are much worse off than me, I totally get that. But I only earned £22k last year so I feel I worked a whole year for absolutely nothing

I keep thinking what I could have had with that money. A car, a holiday etc etc.

Unfortunately this is the second time I have lost a lot of money as 12 years ago my husbands business went bust in the financial crash. We used our savings of £40k ( parents had recently died, it was inheritance) to try to save it.

I feel so down about it all, so wretched and miserable. I'm really trying to feel I am lucky as I have a roof over my head, I am healthy etc. I just feel sick all the time.

OP posts:
20shadesofgreen · 29/11/2020 14:26

We had the situation of a business not working out too. We have spent years paying off the debt. I’ve never given it a second thought to be honest, but I get how it might sting an awful lot more if were something as personal as my home. Give yourself a chance it has all been very recent and it sounds like you need time to process the whole thing. Your feelings are absolutely normal and reasonable given the upset you’ve experienced.

Rocococo · 29/11/2020 14:30

I'm so sorry that this happened to you OP.

Having been through a very stressful build with a silver tongued builder (who we hired on a recommendation no less) i can empathise. (Our financial loss was in the low £000s so I can only imagine.

Some friends were embezzled of an inheritance by a con artist when moving abroad. Awful for them.

Don't underestimate the impact and be kind to yourself. Of course there are people worse off. But it's a massive blow nonetheless.

I really would consider a couple of sessions with a counsellor to let it out and come up with some psycological strategies to help accept it and move on. It sounds like you are experiencing some anxiety as a result of this stress, which isn't surprising.

BecomeStronger · 29/11/2020 14:32

I lost 2 years' salary in the last financial crisis.

I still had enough income to live normally, so I was grateful for that and moved on without noticing on a daily basis iyswim - it was galling and significantly changed some plans for the future but it didn't change my daily life.

I changed my outlook to avoid "eggs in one basket" and I don't think I'd be as vulnerable again but other than that life's much the same as it always was.

S00LA · 29/11/2020 14:36

Cant you sue your builders insurers ? It doesn’t matter if he shuts down the company if they have the liability.

What have your own house insurers said?

isitsnowingyet · 29/11/2020 14:38

Sad That is really harsh. Sorry OP.

Original poster
Movinghouseatlast · 29/11/2020 14:47

It isn't covered by our insurance and the builder had no insurance- it isn't a legal requirement apparently.

OP posts:
BecomeStronger · 29/11/2020 14:50

@Movinghouseatlast

It isn't covered by our insurance and the builder had no insurance- it isn't a legal requirement apparently.
Not helpful now of course but desperately trying to find a positive resolve to check insurance for all tradesmen going forward. You need to know they have it in case have any accidents, causing damage or injury to you, themselves or others, even if they are honourable people.

I have to do these checks for people we use at work. Their response to being asked gives good indication of whether they'll be reliable!

Diverseduvet · 29/11/2020 14:50

So sorry this happened to you. All I can recommend to move on is to stop thinking about what you could have spent the money on, it's only going to damage you and your family

Allthegoodnamesweretakenalread · 29/11/2020 14:55

So sorry this happened to you. We spent a significant sum redoing our house (£50k+) and despite having a project manager the project went significantly over budget. Nothing was done properly either and we spent a lot money fixing errors. Still finding problems now some 8 years later. I still get really down about it sometimes.

I keep telling myself at least we have a sound house now and no point in crying over spilt milk. It takes time for the sting to ease.

I work in insurance claims and it is staggering how often building firms take huge sums upfront, do enough work to make it seem too late to back out and then ask for more money. As soon as any action is taken against them they fold and reopen under another name.

MLMsuperfan · 29/11/2020 15:32

It's more of a mental wellbeing question than a financial one, as it sounds like the losses weren't easily avoided and your decisions afterwards have been well-considered; albeit hard to swallow.

There's a great film called The Edge about Anthony Hopkins being lost in the wilderness. He says that most people in a survival situation can't act because of frustration and shame at the mistakes that got them there. You have to let go and work out the best path from where you are; not where you should be. Always stuck with me that.

swimster01 · 29/11/2020 18:29

Yes, I've been through a few (very different) situations in which large sums of money were lost. It has changed my life.

My main way of dealing with this has been to embrace minimalism and frugality. If you can do this, it's very liberating.

Re the rogue builder, you might not be able to sue him, but definitely be sure to leave negative reviews and tell your local building control etc.

Original poster
Movinghouseatlast · 30/11/2020 12:45

@swimster01 yes, the first time when we lost our life savings I really embraced frugality. I lived on next to nothing for over 4 years! We never went out, I took packed lunches and a flask for work and actually became a bit tight with money.

This time I'm finding that harder- I lost my job due to Corona so I'm not out and about much at the moment ( like a lot of people!) I have become a bit happy go lucky with my food spending I think.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 30/11/2020 20:39

Slate him all over social media, and make sure you leave bad reviews on any platform he advertises on. Hit his pocket and reputation.

PicsInRed · 30/11/2020 20:44

I want you to start thinking about preventing this happening to you again. Was it your inheritance which was lost 12 years ago? How much "final say" do you have in decision making and do you ever feel doubts/instinct that something is wrong but reticent to put your foot down?

Frestba · 30/11/2020 20:52

Can you report them to trading standards? Sometimes money is retrieved through POCA. Rogue traders sometimes have substantial assets.

Aalvarino · 30/11/2020 21:03

That is awful. I'm so sorry. It must be galling.

Is there really, absolutely no way to get any money back? Cant small claims impound his vehicle if he has one or as above police......? Probably not, I dont really understand what the law is on things like this.

im5050 · 30/11/2020 21:35

If it was me and it was possible I would take him to the small claims court for whatever the maximum was allowed if you can do this I think it might be £ 5000 maximum amount
And it won’t cost you much
At the very least you should be able to after a while get a CCJ on him if fails to pay which would fuck up his credit rating
If it is possible to do I would also get my husband to do the same for the maximum amount allowed
E

Original poster
Movinghouseatlast · 01/12/2020 12:09

Unfortunately he is a limited company with no assets. I have had legal advice so sadly I know for sure there is no way of getting any money back via a small claim ( which is up to £10k these days)

We have claimed via our credit card on Section 75 but this is unlikely to work too as he used Stripe as a payment processor. We could take the credit card company to court but I can't see that going well...

Trading Standards/ the council all not interested.

OP posts:
swimster01 · 01/12/2020 12:44

Are you sure? Have you checked on Companies House? (Note that documents filed on there are always months out of date)

MLMsuperfan · 01/12/2020 13:00

How would using Stripe change the credit card company's obligations?

Original poster
Movinghouseatlast · 01/12/2020 18:08

Yes checked with Companies House.

Stripe can be seen as breaking the chain between the credit card company and the retailer, like PayPal does. I have spoken to my consumer law specialist solicitor about it. There has been no precedent but he thinks it is likely that Amex will turn down the section 75 on this basis. He said that The Financial Ombudsman has so far agreed with credit card companies on this.

I am stuffed. I have been down every avenue for 3 months and I have to accept that the money is lost.

OP posts:
swimster01 · 01/12/2020 18:43

Mmm ... you might apply pressure to him in other ways. I'm sure the likes of the Daily Mail might be interested in hearing from you or maybe better would be your local newspaper.

It might not directly benefit you but you would get some satisfaction from ruining his reputation

swimster01 · 01/12/2020 18:44

Also OP, if you haven't already, it might be worth posting on moneysavingexpert.com - there are lots of people on there who may be able to offer advice.

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/12/2020 18:52

What a complete and utter bastard.

I've been stitched up like a kipper in the past too - it was so upsetting and I felt like I'd been taken for a complete fool (which I clearly had).

It's like the stages of grief, isn't it? I eventually decided that I had to get over it otherwise I would sue become horribly bitter and twisted.

I feel for you. Flowers

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/12/2020 18:53

*soon become horribly bitter...

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