If you have ever lost a significant amount of money, how did you get over it?

[Movinghouseatlast]

We have recently been the victims of a cowboy builder. After months of stress and backwards and forwards our solicitor has informed us that we have no hope of getting our money back. We are about £17k down and counting as we will have to have what we paid for demolished and rebuilt at as cost of £25-30k. The builder is a limited company so would simply shut down if we went to court. Legal fees for taking him to court could be up to £20k so it is pointless.

I am finding it really hard to get past the loss of the money. I know people are much worse off than me, I totally get that. But I only earned £22k last year so I feel I worked a whole year for absolutely nothing

I keep thinking what I could have had with that money. A car, a holiday etc etc.

Unfortunately this is the second time I have lost a lot of money as 12 years ago my husbands business went bust in the financial crash. We used our savings of £40k ( parents had recently died, it was inheritance) to try to save it.

I feel so down about it all, so wretched and miserable. I'm really trying to feel I am lucky as I have a roof over my head, I am healthy etc. I just feel sick all the time.

I have thought of going to Watchdog about it actually. It is scandalous that we have so much evidence and yet legally we can't do anything.

I posted about it on money saving expert at the start and yes, there is good advice there. I've used a specialist consumer rights solicitor recently.

The law really is an ass.

I’m so sorry, it’s awful we are going through the same thing at the moment but half the amount you’ve lost. It’s hard to sleep and eat but at the end of the day you are well and not desperate for the money. It’s only money, that’s what I keep telling myself.

Being angry is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die. Try to let it go however hard it is or the builder will take your health as well as your money.

We are in the same boat at the minute spent £10k on renovations its all falling to bits, we are super stressed about it and also amazed at the lack of support if you are a victim of this.

I know this post is a year old. How are you? I have also been a victim recently. My newborn was 8 days old when I started the renovations. Builder gave me a high quote and when it came to it. I questioned why and he said because he has to damp proof amongst other works. Because I just had a baby I thought that damp proof was important so sucked up the cost to do it He never did damp proof in the end and lied. He changed his word. Long story, I paid upfront :( now I lost 20k and he only did maybe 7k worth if works. I has to terminate with him before he finished because he would change his story and get defensive and aggressive and it would scare and shaken me. I have had to get a new guy in and pay 10k to finish. I am now down 30k. I was made redundant due to Covid and I was using 20k for the renovations and the 10k was meant for me to be on Maternity with baby. I am now on 0 in my savings and am so stressed. Desperately trying to find a job even though baby is now only 6 weeks old. I feel like a fool, I feel like I failed as a mum, been feeling suicidal, angry, bitter and sad :(

Hi @Lolo2021,

We're sorry to hear you're going through such a stressful time. We were going to suggest that you start a new thread of your own as we know there will be Mumsnetters who'll want to support you through this. We can see that you've done that now, so we're going to link to your thread - here - so that anyone reading this will be able to find it.

We're also going to add some support links, to this thread and your new one, as you've mentioned that you're feeling so low.

Here's a link to our Mental Health resources which lists many organisations which can provide support. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Sending good wishes