What am I entitled to after 37 years of marriage if husband leaves me

[Mollyb70]

My husband has told me he doesn’t love me anymore and has left. He has seen a solicitor and says we need to go to mediation to sort out finances if we can’t agree them. I don’t know what I’m entitled to and can’t afford solicitor fees. We have been married 27 years, I’ve had a series of part time and later full time jobs whilst bringing up children and being main homemaker doing cooking, cleaning etc. our children now 24 and 27, all whilst he qualified as a solicitor whilst working full time. I earn £32k full time and his package is around £120k plus 6-9% annual bonus on a self employed basis (he is a partner in a law firm with an equity loan of around £60k) we have a house worth around £375k with an estimated £175k equity. £6k in savings and two cars worth around £20k. I get £2k per month after tax and have a work pension estimated at £12k from age 67 and if I stay in current job an additional £6k per year! He has a drawdown pension pot of £275000 ish and pays in £1200 pm, if he continues this he should get around £50k per year depending on markets. His monthly salary drawdown payment is normally around £6500 but has was reduced 25% to £5550 May to November due to Covid but back to £6500 next month. His accountant reserves tax etc. We have no debts just.the mortgage. We each normally have ‘pocket money’ of £3-400 pm which is paid to our own private accounts (we’ve been doing this for 20 years), he spends his in full every month and I tend to save mine so currently have around £1200.

Any idea what I should be looking for in settlement. I have a long term medical condition which affects my health and ability to work from time to time.

Wow between the two of you , you are very wealthy and definitely can afford a solicitor. Where is all the money going????? Think someone has a private bank account!!

As others have said you must get a solicitor.

General rule of thumb is that you’ll half everything: half the equity; half the value of his stake in his firm; half the savings; half the pensions.

The equity partner piece adds a degree of complexity.

The fact there seems to be a gaping hole in the finances suggests an even bigger issue.

Where is the surplus from your salaries going?

What has given you the impression that his pension will be £50k?
Why do you feel that you cannot afford a solicitor?

This is all very strange.

First, you need to get a solicitor right now, you can afford it clearly.

Where the hell is the money?!? The sums you have set up make no sense, you also have less house equity then families that earn a fraction of this?! And there is a huge amount of your family money apparently unaccounted for? How do you have such low savings on these incomes?

Personally I would suspect that the money has been going somewhere—either a secret area of spending or another account, because this makes no sense. Your joint assets are really low and do not reflect either your income or his.

I would suggest digging deeper into the finances - me and my husband are similar ages to you, similar value house, yet despite having just over half your annual household income, we've got ten times the amount of savings. Something doesn't add up.

There are lots of assumptions in the responses some are not very helpful I was after factual responses, our marriage has been happy with lots of lovely memories for both of us! He wants us to be friends and says he wants to be fair about money I just wanted a rough idea! He has only earned that level of money for 3 years! And we haven’t had the house that long either we both earned far less for a long time. Our finances are very transparent no hiding or squirrelling anything! We have paid our daughter’s education fees, weddings, house renovations and have lived a nice lifestyle from the remainder in the joint account hence little savings! My annual pensions value combined at 67 are actually now confirmed as £14k plus state pension and I’ve requested the cash equivalent transfer. His SIPP cash pot is £275k at present estimated at £10-15k per year based on current value if didn’t pay anything else into it. £50k is the mid estimated value on the SIPP providers forecast if he continues £1.2k per month until retirement age. Equity share is a company loan - payment deducted from annual drawings I’ve no idea what happens if he left with any value against the repayments of the equity share loan. I’ve since had a chat with a solicitor and as some lists have said I can afford one I thought it was going to be £1000s. I’m in the marital home and on my own so didn’t think I could afford it as the mortgage is almost 75% of my monthly wage. Please only respond if you have a constructive response!

You can't blame people for giving you the responses they have if you've only part told the story at the beginning though.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP I’m sorry the responses were not helpful, but I think that is in a large part due to you giving facts that did not paint an accurate picture. Your depiction of assets ran counter to your depiction of incomings, hence the confusion.

All the assets go in a pot & you each get half the total value.
That's what you're entitled to.
You're not entitled to ongoing support for yourself.

I have a divorcing friend fighting to drag her stbxH to Mediation so it's funny here to read so many posts from those who think paying solicitors is better than mediation.

I imagine I'd make a list of everything & work off of that At end OP's total needs to look like half of the total assets of both. Salaries are not shareable assets.

@Mollyb70

You’ve had many constructive responses. . Whether you take this next piece in that vein is a matter for you but prepare yourself for the OW. You might even want to get this moved to the relationship board.

Men rarely leave “just because” there will almost certainly be someone waiting in the wings. This is important because it means you have a short window during which you can expect your H to play fair.

Thereafter all bets are off and he’ll be after every penny he can get. The fact that he has was so prompt in seeing a solicitor should be ringing alarm bells.

Oh and those pension numbers still don’t make sense.

Sorry you’re having a hard time. This must be a huge shock

How old are you OP?

Some of the responses on here are nothing short of vindictive.

You’ll get half the assets op, spousal maintenance is unlikely, you might get a small amount of his pension but as you also have one, which could go up to 18k it’s unlikely. Judges don’t go for making you both equal, it’s clean break and making sure one of you doesn’t end up in poverty. This does t apply, so it’s likely half the assets

Go speak to a solicitor.

I started divorce proceedings after a very long marriage. 2 children, one still at a fee paying school.

The starting point on splitting assets is 50/50. After such a long marriage, you will get a good and fair deal.

I myself went through court procedure which was gruelling and expensive. Try to avoid.

I got half his pension (i didn't have one), half a house, and a lump sum of cash as I needed a home for my child. The house we needed to sell was abroad and of no use to either of us. I also got 2 years spousal maintenance .
Try mediation. My ex refused this

It's refreshing to see you approaching the split in such a positive way. Since posting you have seen a solicitor, so all good!
If it turns out that he has another woman in his life, it doesn't sound as if that will affect the amicable settlement or your memories of the marriage. Best of luck.

He wants us to be friends and says he wants to be fair about money

Sure he does

He’ll play nicely as long as you do. As soon as your lawyer-up, expect him to forget about being friends.

Also, as someone else has posted, cherche la femme. Middle-aged married men with a comfortable home life tend to not leave until they have another comfortable home and bed to go to.

Also, you need to look at the pension figures again. Even assuming he has another 20 years of pension contributions ahead of him (though I assume it’s much less, making a guess that he’s mid-50s), his £1,200/month will amount to an overall addition of £288k to his pot.

If you don't have dependent children and you are in work, then the starting point is 50:50.

But please ignore the "we must remain friends" line. The world is littered with women who have been done over by an ex who came out with that one.

This is business. You want bank statements, payslips and pension docs for the whole term of the marriage, ie full disclosure from both parties, as any decent solicitor will tell you.

Leslavandes you were in a very different position to thr op. You had no pension, so I assume didn’t work and had dependent kids at home

The op works. Has a pension and does not have dependent kids at home. Her settlement will be very different indeed.

So the positive comment is that the business needs to be valued. It is a marital asset. You then try and trade that off against the house. If there is £175K of equity in the house but the business is worth say £250K then you would receive a payout that might be enough keep the house (as an example- he would need to take out a loan to buy you out). You might be offered shares in the business but be wary about that and the other partners probably wouldn't like that . He may need to sell his partnership to pay you.

The business is not a marital asset. He’s a partner he does not own it

@lljkk going to a solicitor can still mean mediation. It's helpful to go in with a good idea of what the courts would grant and what things like the pensions are worth, otherwise you can end up being absolutely screwed in the interests of 'staying friends', especially if like OP you're up against a partner in a law firm.

@Bluntness100

The business is not a marital asset. He’s a partner he does not own it

That is incorrect. The whole point of being a partner is ownership. Presumably the partnership in the firm came after their marriage, so it would be a marital asset for the calculation of assets. Generally the courts wouldn't force any sale or splitting of his share as it would have an effect on third parties, but it can still be considered as part of the value of assets he will walk away with.

His partnership might be considered a marital asset. But the legal firm is not.

@Bluntness100

The business is not a marital asset. He’s a partner he does not own it

Its an equity partnership- so he does?

An equity partnership may form part of the overall assets in a divorce.

Structure of partnership income and capital varies massively from firm to firm so OPs H will have to disclose this fully. From what she says is sounds like the equity loan was taken from the firm (which is common).

OP will also need to know to what capital entitlement her H has, whether the loan has met that and whether it can be accessed (often there are limitations).

She should also look closely at the bonus structure. The fixed % for an equity partner is unusual, a lockstep distribution model is not common place and calculating value can be complex.

Sorry typo is last sentence: a lockstep distribution model is more commonplace.

Your estimated retirement income (based on what you've told us so far) is £6,267.99 per year

If that's really what someone with an eventual £400k pot would get out I'm surprised anyone would even bother saving for a pension. You'll barely be able to afford groceries with that in fifteen years.