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Original poster

What am I entitled to after 37 years of marriage if husband leaves me

77 replies

Mollyb70 · 29/10/2020 20:06

My husband has told me he doesn’t love me anymore and has left. He has seen a solicitor and says we need to go to mediation to sort out finances if we can’t agree them. I don’t know what I’m entitled to and can’t afford solicitor fees. We have been married 27 years, I’ve had a series of part time and later full time jobs whilst bringing up children and being main homemaker doing cooking, cleaning etc. our children now 24 and 27, all whilst he qualified as a solicitor whilst working full time. I earn £32k full time and his package is around £120k plus 6-9% annual bonus on a self employed basis (he is a partner in a law firm with an equity loan of around £60k) we have a house worth around £375k with an estimated £175k equity. £6k in savings and two cars worth around £20k. I get £2k per month after tax and have a work pension estimated at £12k from age 67 and if I stay in current job an additional £6k per year! He has a drawdown pension pot of £275000 ish and pays in £1200 pm, if he continues this he should get around £50k per year depending on markets. His monthly salary drawdown payment is normally around £6500 but has was reduced 25% to £5550 May to November due to Covid but back to £6500 next month. His accountant reserves tax etc. We have no debts just.the mortgage. We each normally have ‘pocket money’ of £3-400 pm which is paid to our own private accounts (we’ve been doing this for 20 years), he spends his in full every month and I tend to save mine so currently have around £1200.

Any idea what I should be looking for in settlement. I have a long term medical condition which affects my health and ability to work from time to time.

OP posts:
CovidClara · 30/10/2020 22:01

You may be able to offset some of the value of the business against his share of the equity in the house. If the business is worth more than the equity he may have to pay you which might be enough to keep the house with a mortgage you can afford. But if the equity loan was only ever £60k that seems unlikely- was it more originally?

MeanMrMustardSeed · 30/10/2020 22:02

Came to say two things already posted. You can’t afford not to get a solicitor and where on earth has all the money gone???

Oh, and also that your pension projection of £50k is way off.

carly2803 · 30/10/2020 22:21

no way is that all the money OP

if he knew this was over for a while he would have probably hidden money - dont be nice in divorce, its business from here on in.

get a VERY good solicitor, you cannot afford not too

Cocomarine · 31/10/2020 00:42

Agreed that your pension assumption for him is odd... where have you got that from?
I know it’s not just £275K, as he’s continuing to pay in now.
But assuming he’s 54 (based on 27 years married and kids’ ages) and projection is retirement at age 67, that’s still only another £187K to go in. (although you don’t say if his £1200pm is gross or net). Still... nowhere near generating £50K a year!

Be careful with your own pension assumption too. Is that £12K also an “if you work til 67”? Don’t count birds in the bush!

Mostly I’m with the others that you have a lot of money not accounted for, with that household income.

You can‘t afford not to pay a solicitor. But in any case... you earn £32K - why wouldn’t you be able to afford one?

Woui · 31/10/2020 01:03

You need to get this moved into the relationship section

Terrace58 · 31/10/2020 01:07

You absolutely must hire a good solicitor. The funds for that should come from joint savings or even accounts solely in his name. Do not compromise on legal representation.

IdblowJonSnow · 31/10/2020 01:11

You must get a solicitor OP.
Could be the best money you ever spend.

VodselForDinner · 31/10/2020 01:26

You do not have to go to mediation.

Go straight for a solicitor.

caringcarer · 31/10/2020 01:48

There is more value in your husband's business than in the equity in your home. Did you remortgage your family home to enable him to buy into law firm? If yes then his business asset should be valued and you get half.

I almost made a big mistake in dealing with my ex husband. He offered me to keep the family home almost free from mortgage if I gave him back my half of shares in business. It turned out there was a formula used something like 10 times annual turnover of business as going concern. They have to include future value as well as current. Your case will be complicated. You must use money from joint account to see solicitor. Do not use local one. Go to a big firm rather than a little one as they will be used to dealing with complicated cases. If you don't get legal advise he will end up screwing you over. In law any debt is joint debt. Any asset is joint asset. If you put the cost of your solicitor on your credit card it will be seen as a debt of the marriage. You will most likely end up pension sharing. As you have health issues he might have to pay you a higher sum as your health may limit your future earnings. They like clean break divorces now a days. Hard as it is do not trust what he tells you he has said he no longer loves you and it is quite likely he has someone else waiting in the wings. In divorce courts always start with premise of everything shared 50 50. Some things get traded off such as cars worth about the same so both keep your own car, engagement ring roughly equal to his watch. Etc etc just remember he is no longer on your side.

JoJoSM2 · 31/10/2020 07:49

I also don’t think the money stacks up - where has it all gone?

And why can’t you afford a solicitor? That just doesn’t make sense.

apples24 · 31/10/2020 08:48

Agree with everyone else, he is likely to have far more money than what you have disclosed. As with your age and family income the figures don't add up - he is very likely to be hiding joint financial assets.

Get a good solicitor.

Qwertywerty3 · 31/10/2020 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

GreenPlum · 31/10/2020 09:03

There's a gaping hole here. You need a good solicitor and a forensic accountant. Good luck.

HollowTalk · 31/10/2020 15:06

We each normally have ‘pocket money’ of £3-400 pm which is paid to our own private accounts (we’ve been doing this for 20 years), he spends his in full every month and I tend to save mine so currently have around £1200.

None of this makes sense. You say you tend to save your £3-400 pm but only have £1200 in savings. As a couple you have £6000 in savings despite a very large salary between you. Where does your/his money go to?

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/10/2020 15:10

I don't understand why you are saying you can't afford a solicitor?

Cocomarine · 31/10/2020 15:14

@Woui

You need to get this moved into the relationship section
She doesn’t really... because multiple people have already told her the single most important thing: she needs a solicitor.

And plenty have given her a heads up to the second most important thing: the numbers don’t add up.

Dhalia443 · 31/10/2020 15:19

You will be entitled to 50%. You won’t get spousal as you’re not a dependant, nor do you have dependant children for child maintenance.

It’s just like a spreadsheet. Pop the assets/debts on and divide them up.

Pensions are a tiny bit more complicated, not 100% of value.

I’d get a solicitor though.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/10/2020 15:20

What is he spending all his wages on?

Dhalia443 · 31/10/2020 15:21

And yes! Where did the money go😮

Longdistance · 31/10/2020 15:23

He’s done something with the money. He’s squirrelled it away over time and deliberately hiding assets. I bet he’s planned this for a while.

Princessposie · 31/10/2020 15:26

You can’t afford to not get a solicitor OP. You absolutely must!

madcatladyforever · 31/10/2020 15:27

A really good solicitor will give you a ball park figure of what you are entitled to in your free half hour as long as you have all the figures written down in front of you.
Make sure it's a really good one though. I had a free half hour, we went through it all and then I bargained a better settlement that the one he told me I could get.

HelpMeh · 31/10/2020 15:27

What they said... None of the numbers make sense. Where is all the money?

You definitely need a solicitor. Pay them from your settlement if needs be.

madcatladyforever · 31/10/2020 15:28

Let him petition for the divorce because it costs loads, the judge couldn't give a shit what you did or didn't do. You will only get a lot more if you have an illness that means you are in a wheelchair or have a serious degenerative illness I asked so you may have to forget that one.

Dramalady52 · 31/10/2020 15:35

Many solicitors can do a straightforward divorce for £500 which includes financial work. There are obviously holes in the financial and that is what the solicitor is for. Everything goes in the pot and is generally split 50:50 in these cases, thats all pensions, including state as well. You can negotiate things like more of the house equity instead of % of pension, depending on circumstances if that's what you want. Only a solicitor can sort all this, so do as everyone has said and get one!

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