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Original poster

Who pays for the car?

27 replies

MumChats · 27/10/2020 13:59

Long story short! DP and i are having a baby. He had a saloon car and decided to change it for a sports car - at the time i said a condition of him doing that was that he had to upgrade my car (mine, a 3-door runaround) for a more practical family car because getting rid of the saloon meant we no longer had a practical car.

Fine. When we started shopping for the upgrade, he suggested that we go halves, which seemed fair because although it's for the family, i'll use it more. So that was fine. We are part exing my car so i assumed my half of the balance would be less the part ex amount. But DP thought the part ex should be knocked off the price and we'd then split what was left. What do you think? It's a bit convoluted but i just wonder what is fair (ignoring the wider issue that we are having a baby and our finances are so separate which is a dilemma for another time)!

With figures to make it easier! Say it's an £8k car and we get £4k for mine. I was thinking that would effectively mean i pay nothing because i've put in £4k from my car. DP thinks we'd knock that off leaving £4k left and both then pay £2k.

OP posts:

blackcat86 · 27/10/2020 14:03

Well if you were married I would be saying your DP is right and you part ex your car and then split the rest of the cost. BUT, you're not married so as a pregnant woman you need to protect your financial interests. I would be part-exing my vehicle and asking him for a contribution given that it will be used to transport his child and presumably he will need to use your car when he takes baby out.

EasterIssland · 27/10/2020 14:04

Who paid for your initial car ? And his ? Tbh I’d have done what your husband suggested tho I guess each family has their financials. Many people in here will tell you tho that you shouldn’t have my/his money and pay it from the family money

We were in the same scenario few years back when my son was born. My husband has always had sports cars. We agreed at the time I’d pay 75% of my car and he’d pay 25%. The reason was that it seem fair to us as it’d be my car I’d be using it more. 2.5 years later and my husband had a few bad financial months and I “forgave” his debt as I had loads of savings and he didn’t so I didn’t seem fair that he’d get into debt for me having loads in the bank. So I’ve ended up paying everything.

Comefromaway · 27/10/2020 14:09

I couldn't have a child with someone who had his money and my money rather than family money.

Original poster

MumChats · 27/10/2020 14:31

Initially he paid for his car, i paid for mine. I can't work out if i'm being tight by not splitting it half or not.

Yes the separate finance thing upsets me so although that was pretty unhelpful @Comefromaway it does point towards an issue i have.

Yes @blackcat86 I do feel like i need to protect myself. I have probably been too naive - i was happily unmarried before but since getting pregnant i have realised how vulnerable i am. Financially he will pay for things if i ask though, it just feels a bit weird asking. I pointed out he'd have to pay the mortgage when i stop working and he will (i'll contribute but nothing like what i have been). And he has paid for half the car (the £4k) - its only now that he has that i wonder if i was unreasonable to have asked for it.

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 27/10/2020 14:36

Sorry if it upset you, but I've seen my sister in law go through 18 years of having to virtually beg for anything for herself even though she had all the childcare responsibility and her dh had top of the range cars etc.

EasterIssland · 27/10/2020 15:00

re: mortgage we did the same thing, I took 6 month off so when statutory kicked I paid 25% of house and bill and him 75. when he took 6 month off the first 3 months we did 25-75 and the other 3 I paid for everything.

for us it works having separate finances

EasterIssland · 27/10/2020 15:01

how much is your car worth and is it worth the discussion? mine was only 2k so 1k up/down wasn't making much difference

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/10/2020 15:06

Difficult. He has his car and because of that you need another car for the baby.

Ultimately you are getting a £2K contribution towards your car having paid nothing towards his car.

I think £2K each is fair.

I’m also upgrading my car and we are married. He’s paying £2 I’m paying the £6 in this example. It’s my car but I need it for the children/school run etc

Terrace58 · 27/10/2020 15:11

I think you have bigger problems then just the financial split. A man expecting a baby should not be buying a car that isn’t family friendly.

As for the split of a new family car that is a bit more yours than his, your old car covered your portion and he should pay the rest.

Pregnancy makes women extremely vulnerable financially. He should be doing everything possible to mitigate that.

Original poster

MumChats · 27/10/2020 15:15

Thanks @EasterIssland. It's interesting to get perspective from someone who has successfully had separate finances.

My car's not worth much, similar to yours. It doesn't make a huge difference you're right but we had the conversation because i said "if you transfer me your half of X, i'll transfer the whole amount to the garage" and he queried the amount! We then both backed down and both said we'd pay more but i just came here to see if i was in the wrong in the first place!

OP posts:

EasterIssland · 27/10/2020 15:22

@MumChats

Thanks *@EasterIssland*. It's interesting to get perspective from someone who has successfully had separate finances.

I'm lucky in the sense we both earn similar ,in fact I earn More, so if the salaries were much different then I'd expect to keep separate but him contributing more.

CovidClara · 27/10/2020 15:33

Go and book a registry appointment now
Get married before the baby is born

You will be needing all of the financial protection you can get

I bet he wont be stumping up 50% of the childcare?

Justforphoto · 27/10/2020 15:42

I do think you were unreasonable because you didn't have a suitable family car either. It's difficult because you tried to put conditions on him changing his car while expecting him to completely foot the bill. If you need a family car then it needs to be a shared cost and if that meant upgrading yours then the cost to upgrade should be shared.

Original poster

MumChats · 27/10/2020 15:44

Yes he will @CovidClara - he isn't a pisstaker as such, it's just that we haven't worked out the split properly and so whenever a curve ball situation like this car comes up we don't know how to handle it. We currently split most things 50/50 although he pays more for the mortgage and bills. It's obvious that will have to change and when i return to work he'll have to pay at least 50% childcare, likely more. And i'm not worried about him doing that.

Yes i do need to think about insisting on marriage (how romantic) - never been something either of us were bothered about but it is becoming more clear that i should be bothered by it.

OP posts:

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/10/2020 17:58

Marriage is a financial contract and nothing more

A wedding is romantic

Babies just alter the perspective

Lazypuppy · 27/10/2020 19:27

Me and DP don't fully share finances, he has his car and i have mine as well.

We have DD, but will never fully merge money i don't see the need for us, however that could be because i work full time and always have so we each have our own salaries, neither have ever had to ask for money from eachother for day to day stuff

FinallyHere · 29/10/2020 18:40

ignoring the wider issue that we are having a baby and our finances are so separate which is a dilemma for another time)!

I'm sorry, I really don't think that this can be ignored. I honestly think you should both stop whatever you are doing and work out how you are going to run your finances given that you already have a baby on the way.

However you decide , will then inform what you do about the car.

It might be that he is happy to keep finances separate and for you to conflating to pay your way even though you are having his child. If that is the case you have problems way more important than what you do about a car.

Let's hope he see sense and it all works out for you both.

Anyone else reading this, please sort out finances before you have the baby, before you stop using really, really reliable contraception.

nicerbeing · 29/10/2020 18:53

I don't really understand why he is paying for you to change car? He changed his, did you pay half?

Cocomarine · 31/10/2020 00:55

What nonsense is this that (a) you’re putting a condition on him getting a new car and (b) expecting him to pay for it?!

Does sports car mean 2 seater?

Even so, you know that baby seats for in 3 door cars, right? You don’t need to upgrade your car, and he certainly doesn’t need to be paying for it.

I’d put a hold on more expensive purchases like this until you’ve sorted out the far more fundamental issue of how you’re managing your finances as parents.

JoJoSM2 · 31/10/2020 07:52

Why don’t you have a shared family budget?

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 31/10/2020 17:13

Does his new car fit a baby car seat in it or does this transfer all responsibility to nursery drop offs and pick ups onto you?

Dh had a small hatchback, when I was pregnant he bought a big saloon car so that the travel cot, pram and a weekend bag could fit in it. I had a 5 door car. We put a car seat in both and shared nursery drop off and pick ups on different days.

You need to have a full financial discussion about the cost of baby items, on going baby items, childcare etc etc.

Ughmaybenot · 31/10/2020 17:21

I can’t really wrap my head around the separate finances really, but my initial thought is that seeing as you paid for your car intially, and he paid for his, with all the money from his previous car and the extra cash going to the new one was all from him, really you need to buy your own car, but if he’s sure he wants to go in on your new car, going halves on the excess seems ‘fair’. It doesn’t sound like you need a new car, you just want one, and that’s your choice really. With separate finances, that means it’s your expense imo.
You need to have a serious talk about money tho, it’s clearly an issue.

Frenchfancy · 31/10/2020 17:22

To my mind selling a saloon car to buy a sports car just as you are about to become a father takes a particular kind of selfishness. I would not be rushing to the registry office, you'll save yourself the trouble of a divorce.

He is not committed to this child.

Original poster

MumChats · 02/11/2020 09:28

Thanks everyone for your replies. Interesting perspectives. And re the shared family budget, this is just not something we have ever done. I'll post about it separately probably. It's an issue and yes one that i should have addressed better before i got pregnant. We did talk about it a bit but he isn't keen to merge finances and i didn't feel i could insist when i was still working. Now that i'm about to go onto SMP and he is still on his f/t wage that's obviously something i need to insist on.

He isn't a bad person. And the issue isn't him buying a sports car, which he could afford and he's upgraded my car so we have one for the baby - we don't need two family cars and we have enough money to buy things for the baby. And i'm insured on the sports car so we have a car we can both use.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 02/11/2020 15:47

he isn't keen to merge finances and i didn't feel i could insist when i was still working

I really hope this goes well, OP. What is your Plan B, if he still isn't keen? What about if he thinks you should still contribute 50:50 and that the baby's costs should come from your personal spends.

So, so many threads here on MN saying exactly this ^

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