Maternity pay - how do you split pay deficit with DP?

[Ohhiiii]

I had my breakdown of maternity pay sent to me today - due to start maternity leave next month. We have always split bills 60/40 as he earns more than me, and whatever is left is our own, but it looks like I will be down on average £900 a month with maternity pay. In fact the first month before SMP kicks in I won't even have enough to cover the bill money to the joint account, let alone my own stuff like mobile, petrol etc.

DP is lovely and I know he will give me whatever I need, and will cover any bills, but my issue is I have always been financially independent, and the thought of "taking" his money from him is a difficult one. Bit of a ridiculous way of thinking about it because we are having a child together and the responsibility should be joint, but I don't want to ask him for too much. We both normally earn a decent amount, so my maternity pay isn't horrendous, but I won't have much left for myself after bills.

Should we split the losses evenly (which I have an issue with) or should he just cover the bills and make sure I get enough to still be able to live/spend on baby etc without having to constantly ask him for money? I've always been better with money than him as he tends to spend what he's got, where as I save more, so I feel if we didn't split it evenly he would just enjoy spending and I would feel like I have nothing to my name.

He would never let me go without or be controlling etc - it is more my guilt over having his hard earned money when he works long hours, makes more than me anyway, and I've been medically suspended on full pay since March due to covid and sat on my arse whilst he slaves away!

Any thoughts?

it is more my guilt over having his hard earned money when he works long hours,

Trust me... you are about to earn your money and work 24/7... do away with the money guilt!!

Put everything into one pot. Pay your household bills which includes expenses for the baby. Whether you include things like individual mobiles is up to you. Decide what you are going to save and then the rest gets divided equally and transferred to your own accounts. In a good month there is more, in a bad month there is less. But more and less in equal measure.

• it is more my guilt over having his hard earned money when he works long hours,

Trust me... you are about to earn your money and work 24/7... do away with the money guilt!!*

Yes! You’re about to put in some very long hours. I do understand how you feel though, my dh pays for more now than I feel comfortable with but he doesn’t do too badly with the cooking, washing, cleaning etc.

Exactly what @newwnamme says - and this continues even when maternity leave ends; if you go back to work childcare costs become a household bill and both salaries go into the pot. You will both be working equally hard even if you're doing different things during the day. It will also keep things simple if you have more than one.

You are now a family, and I would suggest that all money is now family money. All goes into one pot, pay the bills/ baby expenses/ put some into savings etc. Anything left over should be split down the middle!

Now you’re going to become a family then all money is family money. The bills/expenses go out, whatever’s left over should be split in half. You’re sacrificing your earnings to stay at home and raise a baby, you’re no less worthy than your oh who is able to continue earning while you raise his child

We split everything 50/50. The minute I knew I was pregnant I worked out how much I'd get paid until I went back to work and saved enough money to cover my own direct debits and my half of the bills. DP covered the joint credit card which was all food/clothes/household purchases/maintenance/general everyday house hold spends.

You’re going to be putting in some very long hours so don’t feel guilty about that!
If you want to keep things really fair then he could take some shared parental leave to spend with baby and you go back to work earlier instead of you taking all the financial hit.
Also bear in mind when little one is at nursery that’s a joint expense that you are saving on while providing childcare.

I do need to get over the money guilt. I quite like the idea of putting it all in one pot and splitting what's left but still feel like we should stick to original salary differences perhaps and split the leftovers 60/40? Or is that still the money guilt talking?

Why would you split the leftovers 60/40 in in his favour? Are you only two thirds of a person? If anything it should be 60/40 in your favour because you'll be taking your dc out and about while on ML and will have dc stuff to pay for.

Money is family money.

Here DH has been on furlough so I've been covering a lot of costs.

I'll be going on mat leave in a few months. He will pick it up

That's being a partnership

I agree with PP.. Its a shift in mentality that you need... Its a partnership... Sometimes you will earn more, other times he will...put money together...

Give each other the same amount of spending money...

Remember.. Why should you be worse off when the child is as much yours as his...

Out of interest.... Why will your money be tight at beginning.... You talk about before SMP kicks in?
Just every employer I've worked for you get most first 6 weeks.. 90% or 100%.

Same as others have said, me and DH put all money together, pay all bills (Including our individual phones), food, petrol, etc and then we split the rest evenly so we have the same disposable amount. We have done this for years, even before getting married and will continue to do so when I go off on my mat leave in 2 weeks time. It works so well, we are both happy and we rarely argue about money.

I get what people are saying but he earns about 15k more than me, and I've always been happy with what I have leftover from my salary to spend on myself, so it's just that change in mentality of having to use his money I have to get over.

The reason I get less initially is because my SMP doesn't start for 8 weeks, and althought I get equivalent of full pay for 8 weeks from my employer have chosen to split my salary evenly over my full maternity leave. It all averages out over the year that way.

But that's the thing... 'Having to use his money' ... Its not his money.... Its your family money...

At times I earn double DH money, other times he is out of work... I never have double spends and wouldn't expect too.

That's interesting... I've never heard of that... And surprised especially if its over different tax years...

I suggest you both decide on an equal amount you wish to spend on things for yourself e.g £100 a month then take that off your salary and what ever left you transfer to the communal pot for bills, savings, food, anything... In the long run is going to save you worrying about any potential difference in earnings and makes life way easier.

I have always been financially independent

I felt like that too, but quickly worked out I was off work to have my DH’s baby and actually that came at a personal cost to me. We now have a joint account.

When you are off with the baby maybe agree what your childcare daily wage is. He gives you this song then you can pay your share out of your total income.

We are like you OP, seperate money and transfer in 60/40 split depending on income.

I was on full pay for 6 months, so we only had to do it for 3 months. I worked out how short i was compared to what i normally had and my partner put that much in as extra.

We still keep our money seperate, i can't ever imagine merging our money entirely. We have a joint account for bills, but rest is seperate.

It’s not “his money” once you have a joint DC.

The only reason he can continue to earn that money, is because you have agreed to take maternity leave and look after his child. If you weren’t on leave he’d have to stop work and look after the baby (or at the very least employ a series of maternity nurses, night nurses and nannies to do so).

You will be enabling him to earn his wages so you are entitled to share them. You are a team!

Everything goes into a joint account, everything comes out, whatever we are or aren’t earning.

All incoming monies to go into a joint account. Everything paid from that except your personal luxuries- make up /coffees out/guitars/ action figure collections. Joint account pays out say £200 per month or whatever you decide to both of you the same so you can buy the above. Everything else, including all child related expenses paid from joint account. Done and dusted.

All money is family money. I've never been able to get my head around each partner/parent in a family having different spending power.

You are soon going to be working 24/7, and too tired to focus some days.

Have that difficult chat now. Money needs to change now or resentment will build up pretty soon. Babies are always joint expenses and if you both have this mentality before the sleepless nights kick in you will be a lot more secure. Good luck.

@OverTheRainbow88

it is more my guilt over having his hard earned money when he works long hours,

Trust me... you are about to earn your money and work 24/7... do away with the money guilt!!

Agreed! Last time round for months 1-4 of maternity I was able to pay everything as normal but with little left over, then months 5-9 I was only able to afford my own bills (car, phone etc and not half of mortgage/utilities) so DH paid my half when my pay decreased completely, and the same will happen this time round when DD2 arrives in November. You just need to remember that it isn't forever and as soon as you go back to work you'll be back on your feet financially - but you are definitely about to 'earn' your OH paying your bills!