Maternity pay - how do you split pay deficit with DP?

[Ohhiiii]

I had my breakdown of maternity pay sent to me today - due to start maternity leave next month. We have always split bills 60/40 as he earns more than me, and whatever is left is our own, but it looks like I will be down on average £900 a month with maternity pay. In fact the first month before SMP kicks in I won't even have enough to cover the bill money to the joint account, let alone my own stuff like mobile, petrol etc.

DP is lovely and I know he will give me whatever I need, and will cover any bills, but my issue is I have always been financially independent, and the thought of "taking" his money from him is a difficult one. Bit of a ridiculous way of thinking about it because we are having a child together and the responsibility should be joint, but I don't want to ask him for too much. We both normally earn a decent amount, so my maternity pay isn't horrendous, but I won't have much left for myself after bills.

Should we split the losses evenly (which I have an issue with) or should he just cover the bills and make sure I get enough to still be able to live/spend on baby etc without having to constantly ask him for money? I've always been better with money than him as he tends to spend what he's got, where as I save more, so I feel if we didn't split it evenly he would just enjoy spending and I would feel like I have nothing to my name.

He would never let me go without or be controlling etc - it is more my guilt over having his hard earned money when he works long hours, makes more than me anyway, and I've been medically suspended on full pay since March due to covid and sat on my arse whilst he slaves away!

Any thoughts?

Paid my usual share of bills whilst on full pay, then when went to statutory he took care of everything and I lived off my savings that I’d built up.

I earned £22000 more exdh annually but from moving in together through marriage and two mar leaves all our money was pooled and everything came out of that account. So if he wanted something new or I was having dinner out with my friends it all came out of the same pot. I dont understand the his/her money once children are in the picture.

You need a joint account. You're cooking the baby, you're doing your bit. You're in this together now, you pool everything you have. What if one of you gets sick and can't work - would you not support him?

We put all money into a joint account, bills go out, equal spending money each for clothes, socialising on your own, gifts for each other and save anything leftover. Child expenditure, food shopping, petrol and anything family related goes from joint funds.

I continued to pay my full contribution whilst on mat leave and also when on my unpaid part of mat leave

We're married and it's always been all in one pot for us.

@Dancingonmylonesome

I continued to pay my full contribution whilst on mat leave and also when on my unpaid part of mat leave

Why? I cant see the thinking behind this. Its grossly unfair. You was off work because of a joint baby. So why are you the only one who takes the financial hit?

I'm now divorced

Get over the guilt. He's not going to be taking half the pain of childbirth is he?

@DopamineHits

Get over the guilt. He's not going to be taking half the pain of childbirth is he?

This. Fuck that. Seriously don't get this 50/50 black and white thing when one person is taking a hit financially due to giving birth.

You need to stop thinking as a single person and see yourselves as a family. If roles were reversed would you think your partner should have less than you just because they earn less? He is unable to share in the physical cost of carrying a baby, giving birth and all that comes with it. If you end up working part-time or having to make career sacrifices due to childcare pressures etc, will it still be fair for you to have less of an allowance? Contributions that are valuable aren’t always about money but by giving you less of an allowance it kind of seems like it’s saying you’re worth less or contribute less to the family unit.

Make sure you have a debit card for joint account or a joint credit card (that's cleared every month) for joint and DC spends.

As pp have mentioned, you'll be the one our and about picking up everything that baby needs or paying for groups / classes / lunches out so you'll need to have a way to make sure that doesn't all come out of 'your' money.

We currently have a joint account for mortgage/bills and pay in £2500 between us each month, and the rest in our accounts is our own!

I mentioned it to him this evening now anyway and he's very happy to sit down and look at it properly and work it out fairly as I knew he would be. I think once we have gone through it I'll feel ok with it all 😊

@Ohhiiii it's a change in mindset. DH and I were exactly the same at first and split finances proportionately. Before DC1 arrived we changed it and now everything is joint apart from a set amount we each get paid into our own personal accounts for spending on whatever we like without having to discuss it with one another. We both get the same amount even though we've gone from earning a similar amount pre children to DH earning more than 3x my salary. Having DC has come at a personal cost to me both in terms of my career and physically, but our money is family money for the family that we have created together. I think having joint finances and set personal spending money is the fairest and simplest way once you're married and have children, it would be the same if I were the higher earner.

By taking maternity leave you are enabling your DH to continue his career without any impact. If you didn't take any maternity leave, you would both have to contribute to the cost of childcare, or he would have to reduce his working hours to look after your DC - both which would impact on his salary.

I have worked f/t, p/t and not at all. Since having DC my DH and I have stuck all our money in one pot, allocated bills, childcare, savings etc then halved whatever was left as our own spending money so we don't feel we have to justify those small spends.