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Original poster

Help! How can I help my DM to get out of being a guarantor on a loan?

105 replies

TealAndTurquoise · 19/08/2020 23:23

I've just found out that my aunt persuaded my DM to act as a guarantor on a loan several months ago. The loan is for £4,000 and repayments are £158 a month over 5 years so you end up paying back £9,500!

I've been furious ever since I found out. I'm angry with my mum for agreeing and angry with my aunt for asking in the first place. Even worse, she persuaded my mum to keep it a secret from me and my DSis. DM said she said no several times but my aunt kept on at her and wore her down by promising faithfully to keep up with the repayments.

Rather predictably, my aunt has now missed 2 payments. The loan company took July's payment out of DM's bank account and has tried to take August's but were unsuccessful as DM didn't have enough money in there. They're now really hassling her by phone and text message.

A bit of background - my aunt has always been terrible with money. She's always behind with bills, spends money she doesn't have on designer handbags and tat from QVC, goes on several holidays abroad a year and spends a lot on socialising. She works part time and sometimes earns extra doing overtime. She owes me several hundred pounds from years ago and I let it go as she's family and I didn't want to fall out with her but I vowed never to give her money again.

My DM is a retired widow and my parents worked hard and saved so she could have a comfortable retirement. She's certainly not loaded and lives very frugally. I can't remember the last time she bought something nice for herself or went on holiday. She is very kind and will help people when she can. She's extremely naive and always thinks the best of people. She's lent money to people before and was not paid back. It's well known in the family that DM is a soft touch and that if you ask enough you'll eventually get what you want from her.

I really feel like my aunt has massively taken advantage and it has taken all my willpower not to call her and give her a piece of my mind since I found out. What can I do to help my DM get out of being a guarantor? Has anyone ever been in the same situation?

OP posts:

BananaPop2020 · 19/08/2020 23:26

Sadly, I don’t think you can get her out of it, presuming she has capacity and agreed to this with no undue pressure being applied.

ChicCroissant · 19/08/2020 23:30

As Banana said, she can't get out of it unfortunately and is liable for the remaining payments - that's the purpose of a guarantor.

Lougle · 19/08/2020 23:33

You can't. The only thing your DM can do is negotiate a repayment plan, and pursue your aunt through small claims. But the whole purpose of a guarantor is that they fulfil the agreement if the person they are guaranteeing defaults.

Palavah · 19/08/2020 23:33

As above.

Is there any way your mum can pay off this loan with a cheaper person loan in her own name, and get her sister to pay her back?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2020 23:37

Unless there are serious cognitive issues, she's on the hook.

jeff1965 · 19/08/2020 23:39

Really feel for your mum. I don't think there is a way out. Could having stern words with your auntie persuade her to contact the loan company to set up an arrangement and continue payments?

Hepcat75 · 19/08/2020 23:44

Sadly, as far as the loan company is concerned, your aunt's involvement is almost tangential now: your mother is the guarantor and they will seek to take the payment from her account every time your aunt fails to pay it, and it is she, and not your aunt, that they'll ultimately pursue. If your mum didn't have enough money in her account to pay the most recent instalment, I suppose there's a chance you could claim they didn't do sufficiently rigorous affordability checks, but this is a very very slim hope.
Don't waste your willpower on not confronting your aunt - she's a terrible person. Let her know precisely what you think of her, and ffs make sure the rest of the family knows what she's done. Maybe she'll be shamed into paying from here on in.
MSE forum will recommend that your mum tries to get a lower interest loan to pay off this one as the best possible course of action (and perhaps then trying to get a regular payment from your aunt to pay that off).

CorianderLord · 19/08/2020 23:45

I'd say you need to go and see your aunt. Don't be polite.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 19/08/2020 23:46

I think you should contact your aunt. Why wouldn’t you? It seems like she has the money but chooses to spend it elsewhere. You might need to turn the screws and shame her into paying off the debt. I think it might be the only way unless you can prove beyond doubt that your mum was coerced.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 19/08/2020 23:47

^ cross posts saying the same thing!

LovingLola · 19/08/2020 23:49

Go and see your aunt. Be very explicit about the situation she has landed your mother in.

Original poster

TealAndTurquoise · 19/08/2020 23:50

Thanks everyone who's replied. I figured it would be really difficult but was just holding out hope there might be a solution I haven't considered.

She probably could pay off the loan and have my aunt owe her directly but I doubt she'd pay DM back. Mind you, she's not paying this loan back at the moment so it's probably the lesser of two evils.

DM isn't cognitively impaired as such but she is extremely trusting and naive and has been in situations like this before with lending people large sums and never getting it back. She believes whatever nonsense people feed her about why they can't pay her back and won't hear a bad word against them when I tell her that they're dishonest bastards who have no intention of paying her back.

After the last time it happened I made her promise me she would never get in a situation like that again but here we are.

OP posts:

Fairybatman · 19/08/2020 23:54

@TealAndTurquoise

Why hold back, your relationship with your Aunt won’t recover anyway and she has basically shit on your Mum from a great height. I’d go for the shame approach and hope a bit of social pressure makes her toe the line.

Original poster

TealAndTurquoise · 19/08/2020 23:54

I'd love to confront my aunt but she's dodging DM's calls and she's asked me not to make things worse by confronting her.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 19/08/2020 23:56

Your DM signed a contract to pay the debt if your aunt didn't. She doesn't have a leg to stand on and she should pay it.

ChicCroissant · 19/08/2020 23:56

Frustrating as it is OP, there's nothing you can do about your mother and her money. It may be time to push back by leaving her to it.

PerveenMistry · 19/08/2020 23:57

Your aunt has knowingly defrauded your mother of more than 9,000. Because it's clear aunt has no intention of being responsible for the loan.

Why would you even hesitate to confront her?

Does she own jewelry or anything that could be sold? If so, demand it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2020 23:58

DM isn't cognitively impaired as such but she is extremely trusting and naive

No defence I'm afraid. It's like duress. People think it means pressure. Nope, it's actual threats.

The law doesn't care if you are naive or unassertive, it cares if you cannot make an agreement due to impairment or duress.

Doesn't mean what you ain't did wasn't despicable of course. Small claims?

Hepcat75 · 19/08/2020 23:58

In fairness, though, OP - you and your mum seem to be united in your lack of backbone. Your mum has made a bloody stupid decision, but you've already written off a few hundred quid your aunt owes you, and now you can't even bring yourself to contact her and tear a strip off for her appalling behaviour. She's robbing your mum of 160 per month. But why would she stop when her family enables her out of some entirely misplaced sense of loyalty?

BananaPop2020 · 20/08/2020 00:01

@TealAndTurquoise I personally would confront your Aunt irrespective of your mothers wishes, as that is probably the only (slim) chance you have of recovering any cash. It sounds like your Mum is embarrassed, but ultimately she is the one left carrying the can for the debt. I have dealt with a very similar situation, where my Mum’s totally misplaced pride and humiliation cost her over £20,000 yet she STILL got stroppy with me when I confronted the person responsible.

gamerchick · 20/08/2020 00:03

Tbh it's lucky they're just trying to take the monthly installments, as I understood it, if a debtor defaulted then the guarantor was liable for the full whack upfront.

Fuck what your mother wants. Maybe if it does kick off she will remember the lesson well so it doesn't happen again.

Or you can help her pay it off if you don't want to upset the apple cart and wait for the next time.

JamieLeeCurtains · 20/08/2020 00:04

it has taken all my willpower not to call her and give her a piece of my mind since I found out

Is that the best you've got in your family armoury?

If your mother's as vulnerable and gullible as you say, it might be time to think about Power of Attorney. And get a Care Act Assessment for her from Adult Social Services at least, to help you negotiate with the debt collection agency.

How was she approved as guarantor in the first place if she's living on limited means?

PerveenMistry · 20/08/2020 00:05

If your mum doesn't want you to intervene, then I think I'd ask her not to burden you with these matters. If she's okay living in reduced circumstances to fund your aunt's gallivanting & QVC, why should you bear the distress? Tell her no longer to share financial information with you.

gamerchick · 20/08/2020 00:06

How was she approved as guarantor in the first place if she's living on limited means?

Wondering that myself. There's usually a criteria isn't there these days?

Original poster

TealAndTurquoise · 20/08/2020 00:06

@hepcat75 - the difference is I learnt my lesson and have never lent or given her or anyone else so much as a penny since then. I only wrote it off as I could afford to and we're close to our cousins so I didn't want to ruin the relationship with them. I'm no pushover and the only reason I haven't spoken to my aunt before now is because my DM begged me not to. If it was down to me, I'd be calling and hassling her and naming and shaming her to everyone.

OP posts:

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