17 year old not going back to school. Loss of tax credit help!

[avroroad]

Please go gentle on me, up until 3 years ago DH and I both worked full time. Him for over 30 years, me for just under. Now we have found ourselves sin a bit of a shitty position.

The upshot is that DS, 17, may not be returning to school but won't be going to Uni until 2021. So this means a loss of CB and my tax credits will drop - I will just have one child on my claim. I get carers allowance (for DH) and up until Covid-19 I was self employed. That income has gone for the foreseeable, mainly due to the industry which isn't going to pick up anytime soon. We are managing but I am really worried about what happens when I lose the money for DS (end of August iirc) There is nothing for him. He isn't ready to get a job, even if there were jobs available, due to being autistic. So does that leave us as we are or is there anything I could do that might make things a bit easier? UC maybe? I have been reluctant to do anything that would trigger a switch to UC because all the calculators told me (haven't looked recently - I'm baffled won't it all now) that tax credits are a better option.

This isn't a simple case of 'get a job' for me. I have a job. I have my business waiting for me when trade picks up again (realistically looking at months though) and I have heavily invested etc. My job suits my circumstances ordinarily. What I do meantime, if anything, I have no idea though.

If you PM me, I'll be more than happy to answer any questions about People Per Hour and Fiverr. I got my start on those sites as a copywriter...well mainly on PPH but I can answer questions you might have and advise about your DS starting on there.

It's not easy at first...hard to get going but once you do, you can make some money.

Feel free to PM.

So if he chooses not to go back to school and isn't going to uni until next year what is he going to do every day?
Does he realise the financial impact on your self if he doesnt go back to school? I don't mean to guilt him in any way or it be a factor in his decision, just simply does he know?
Can he earn a bit of pocket money for himself such as odd jobs for the neighbour's cutting lawns or painting their fences, shovelling snow in the winter things like that? A local lad by me similar age to your ds did this, he put a post on Facebook offering to do odd jobs to earn pocket money and has a few regular older people he does bits for. It would certainly help you out a little bit and give him some gentle life lessons in earning for the things you want.
At 17 autistic or not he needs to learn that things need to be earned, teenage boys are expensive to clothe never mind any thing they want to do whether it be gaming or mobile phone contract/top up.
He needs to find ways to earn that suits his needs etc you can not fund him to not be in education or employment

Good God Op, you really need to sort your shit attitude out. You're coming across like a petulant teenager.

I don't think she is. It's frustrating on MN when you want advice on a particular thing, but people decide that what you want advice on is something completely different, which because you know your situation best is inappropriate. Especially when it's repeated over and over again as the PIP thing has been. And there's a lot of judgement in there too, and people happy to jump to think the worst of people rather than recognising that the vast majority of us are coping as best we can with the situations that we're in.

Your asking which benefit is better for YOU to claim because your going to lose money for him. So you are asking tax payers to support him because in turn there supporting you!

If you are certain he isn’t ready to work, won’t go back to college and won’t qualify for benefits in his own right then I’m afraid it’s up to you to support him. ..Yes. I know. I have never said otherwise. I just wanted to know which was best for me to claim

That doesn’t make sense, because what you’re saying is you want the government or the tax payer to support him, via you. So you’re not thinking it’s any of you to do it.

And that’s fine, but just say I can’t support him and wish to see if there are any more benefits I can claim.

What industry are you in that you can also be your husbands carer and be self employed but the industry won’t resume for months?

Your asking which benefit is better for YOU to claim because your going to lose money for him. So you are asking tax payers to support him because in turn there supporting you!

If you want to be pedantic I suppose. What I'm asking is which benefit is better for me because I am losing the money for him. Whether I support him after that point of not is actually irrelevant, I will be claiming tax credits anyway, so wondered if with the change in circumstances UC might be better. I don't want anything extra for him if he chooses not to remain in education, but I do want to make sure I am in the best financial position I can be at that point.

You just know your kids, don't you?

As a parent, and an employer of young people for more than 30 years I don't agree with this. I've come across many parents who focus too much on what their DCs can't do, rather than what they can. So many flourish when they realise just how capable they are.

I'm sure many teachers would be the same.

Not saying that the OP is in this category, but can't let that go unchallenged.

That doesn’t make sense, because what you’re saying is you want the government or the tax payer to support him, via you. So you’re not thinking it’s any of you to do it.

And that’s fine, but just say I can’t support him and wish to see if there are any more benefits I can claim.

I'm not asking for more benefits to claim though. I was asking if TC or UC would be better for me when he drops off my claim. So yes I will be supporting him but I'm not looking for anything over and above what I would be entitled to without him as part of that claim. I think I have come across as being grabby? I can't understand why tbh people think I am acting as if I am special and should get more if he doesn't go back to school, I'm not. I just want to make sure I am in the best position, I have seen so many people ask on here re TC b UC and get great advice. I do t know why I seem to be an exception.

What industry are you in that you can also be your husbands carer and be self employed but the industry won’t resume for months?

I'm a taxi driver. I can be my husband's carer because instead of working 5 x 10 hours days like I used to I now work 2 or 3 shorter days that for in round school runs and i can pop in and out throughout the day, sort his lunch etc. The trade has been absolutely hammered by Coronavirus. We have no work just now. Well there is some work but not enough to justify the weekly running costs atm. Everything is closed, nobody is going anywhere, it is going to take a long time for my job to pick up to where is was before. Restrictions will be in place for a long time and a lot of my usually daily customers are shielding etc so will very likely still not be going shopping etc when things start to change for the rest of us. I'm sorry if it sounded unrealistic that I have a job and care for my husband, I actually thought that was quite common. Maybe I should have just given it up completely, but then I have investments there that make it worth hanging on to meantime.

So if he chooses not to go back to school and isn't going to uni until next year what is he going to do every day?

He is, and will be, doing lots of things. He won't be sitting in his room playing animal crossing.

Does he realise the financial impact on your self if he doesnt go back to school? I don't mean to guilt him in any way or it be a factor in his decision, just simply does he know?

He downer need to know. My finances are not something I have ever involved my D.C. in and I'm happy for that to remain as so.

Can he earn a bit of pocket money for himself such as odd jobs for the neighbour's cutting lawns or painting their fences, shovelling snow in the winter things like that? A local lad by me similar age to your ds did this, he put a post on Facebook offering to do odd jobs to earn pocket money and has a few regular older people he does bits for. It would certainly help you out a little bit and give him some gentle life lessons in earning for the things you want.

I'm not forcing him to 'work'. That was never what this was about.

At 17 autistic or not he needs to learn that things need to be earned, teenage boys are expensive to clothe never mind any thing they want to do whether it be gaming or mobile phone contract/top up.

He is autistic, not stupid. He knows how things work. He also knows that I am happy to support him meantime

He needs to find ways to earn that suits his needs etc you can not fund him to not be in education or employment

No he doesn't. I am happy for him not to earn. This wasn't about him leaving school and getting a job. With any luck he will go back, all will be fine, my job will pick up enough for me to do a few hours and DH might miraculously be able to walk again. If none of that happens though I will support him this year; but I wanted to know how I could best do that given the current financial climate.

Please, no more PIP/Job posts. That's not what this is about. When he is ready and the job market opens up he will get a job. At the moment, it's not on the agenda.

You just know your kids, don't you? As a parent, and an employer of young people for more than 30 years I don't agree with this. I've come across many parents who focus too much on what their DCs can't do, rather than what they can. So many flourish when they realise just how capable they are. I'm sure many teachers would be the same

This is so true! As a Senco in primary school, a great deal of my time in the summer term is supporting transition to secondary school. Many parents, particularly parents of children with ASD, are so anxious about their child moving up, regarding getting to school, following timetables, meeting new people etc. However, in the vast majority of cases those children have a successful transition much to their parents surprise.

OP, you're doing your DS an injustice if you think he can just stay at home for a year or more whilst waiting for Uni. As you've already pointed out, you're self employed so presumably as soon as lockdown is reduced your business may well increase again giving you less time to spend with him. You're the carer for your DH, so it sounds like you'll have very little free time. Your DS will become isolated at home, and be less rather than more prepared for Uni.
I agree with others, if he has been able to attend school, take exams, consider Uni then he is able to do some sort of employment. You have been given lots of advice on how this could look, and there are many charities out there that support school leavers with disabilities into employment. In fact, I would expect the Senco from his school to have this information too. Perhaps an email to them might be useful.
I would be spending any free time you have at the moment helping him to look at all the options.
With regards to him not seeing home as a place for study, perhaps by setting up a dedicated workstation somewhere in the home that he uses for any work may help with this issue. He could then use some of the resources once he does go to Uni so he sees home as a place to live and study at the same time.

As a parent, and an employer of young people for more than 30 years I don't agree with this. I've come across many parents who focus too much on what their DCs can't do, rather than what they can. So many flourish when they realise just how capable they are.

I'm definitely not that parent. My kids are encouraged and supported to do plenty. I just know this is not the time for a job. I have explained previously about the sudden change in circumstances. He is autistic and has been thrown by this. His life plan has been changed, some of it taken away even. This is what he has been working towards since he started high school. It's not as simple as just saying 'oh well', and going for a (non existent right now) job. It is not about me holding him back. I push my kids to achieve as much as they can. Right now we are stuck in a shitty mess that has throw that upside down. So no, it's not the time for a job. And yes, I DO know my children.

As you've said you're a taxi driver, have a look at getting a temp job as a delivery driver. I tutor an owner of a taxi firm, most of his drivers are doing that at the moment.

You're just not prepared to listen are you? How on earth you know he's not able to do a job is very blinkered of you. There are jobs out there, many many different ones. But hey, you know best.

OP, you're doing your DS an injustice if you think he can just stay at home for a year or more whilst waiting for Uni.

An injustice fuck. Nobody is actually listening, are they. An injustice. That's the very last thing I ever want to or would do for any of my D.C. I'm not sure why you think he would be sitting at home waiting for uni. I have said a few times he is invoked in several projects, looking into open uni courses, won't be doing nothing, will almost certainly be getting a job long before uni. Did you miss all of it or did you ignore it so you could stick the boot in too?

As you've already pointed out, you're self employed so presumably as soon as lockdown is reduced your business may well increase again giving you less time to spend with him. You're the carer for your DH, so it sounds like you'll have very little free time. Your DS will become isolated at home, and be less rather than more prepared for Uni.

Interesting thoughts but my DS is not and never will be 'isolated at home' I'm not sure why you draw that conclusion but it's is not the case.

*I agree with others, if he has been able to attend

• school, take exams, consider Uni then he is able to do some sort of employment.

That's not what I'm asking.

You have been given lots of advice on how this could look, and there are many charities out there that support school leavers with disabilities into employment. In fact, I would expect the Senco from his school to have this information too.

And I have, as previously mentioned, listed every link etc given so I can look into things in more detail.

Perhaps an email to them might be useful.

I have been in communication with his school.

I would be spending any free time you have at the moment helping him to look at all the options.

Yes, we have done this. I didn't post here without any thought or consideration previously.

With regards to him not seeing home as a place for study, perhaps by setting up a dedicated workstation somewhere in the home that he uses for any work may help with this issue. He could then use some of the resources once he does go to Uni so he sees home as a place to live and study at the same time.

He has an office. This was done about 6 years ago.

As you've said you're a taxi driver, have a look at getting a temp job as a delivery driver. I tutor an owner of a taxi firm, most of his drivers are doing that at the moment.

These jobs involve leaving my local area which I am not able to do. I have already looked into delivery many many times. Mainly when my job pay is shit and I wasn't an actual job. The reality is that shop has sailed for me.

You're just not prepared to listen are you? How on earth you know he's not able to do a job is very blinkered of you.

I'm not the one who isn't listening. I didn't ask about him getting a job. I didn't ask to be told time and time again he should get a job. The post is not about him getting a job. I have an autistic child who is trying to see their way through their life plans being blown away.

There are jobs out there, many many different ones. But hey, you know best.

Well yes, at this moment in time I DO know best. I take no shame in knowing what is best for my kids right now. That's a good thing.

What was he doing before that means it’s now finished OP? You mention uni. Is it highers? Not sure of the system there but are there any funded courses he would enjoy. A friend did an animal care course as a gap year just for interest really and then went to uni (unrelated course). Perhaps you could look at college options for him.

(And Ignore the people being arsey. I have a child with HF ASD can imagine your in between situation - not bad enough to get pip not managing, especially with current stress, to get a job yet).

What was he doing before that means it’s now finished OP?

Highers, yes. He just did 5 Highers which will be graded rather than doing the exam. He was due to go back to do 3 advanced Highers, a nat 5 (for fun) and a crash higher. He isn't interested in any of the college courses. College has never been on his map, we are still looking though. It's not as if I have just stopped making any effort and left him in his room like some people seem to think. I'm still hoping schools go back in August and he will give it a go. They already know he is struggling just now and not engaging but are fully prepared to support him 'catching up' if thing go to plan in August.

Arise

Thank you. I appreciate that. It's so hard. People just seem to think it's so simple and it really isn't. I do my best by my kids and always have. Current stress is magnified by the fact he didn't get to sit those exams. He wanted to do them. He wanted to achieve. He will get the grades for uni anyway; but he feels like he was cheated out of his personal achievement. It's been really hard.

As a Senco in primary school, a great deal of my time in the summer term is supporting transition to secondary school. Many parents, particularly parents of children with ASD, are so anxious about their child moving up, regarding getting to school, following timetables, meeting new people etc. However, in the vast majority of cases those children have a successful transition much to their parents surprise.

Just wanted to respond to this, as an aside.

When is was time for transition to high school we had a meeting with both schools. High school offered him a pass to get in and out of class early to avoid the crowds, offered him a place in the learning support base of that was a better option, offered a whole manner of things. I said 'let him decide'. I said 'let him see how he gets on, let's not put him in the learning support base because he is autistic, let's give him the choice. The chance to cope, the backup base etc will be there but give him a chance first' - because I do know my child. Because I didn't then and don't now want to hold him back. I asked for things to be in place as a safety net rather than a standard and he never once needed any support going about school or being in class. He absolutely shone when he started high school and for a kid that did never to nothing in primary even the teachers were surprised. They were a bit hesitant when I suggested not just resigning him to the learning base but letting him try classes first; and there it was, I did actually know best. I wanted him to have the chance, I made sure he had it. There is not a single part of me that would ever deliberately hold back my son.

He doesn't need to know your financial situation of course he does hes 17 not 3! And I didn't mean tell him to go out get a job but earn himself some pocket money totally not unrealistic for a teenager.
You said yourself hes not stupid so dont treat him that way! Tell him it's fine to leave school but he must find constructive things to do in that time and if he wants nice things like he has now he needs to earn them, unless you are happy to wipe his back side for him the rest of his life.
Its life skills OP that he needs to learn, actions have consequences, it's no wonder you say hes too immature (sorry emotional) to get a job when you quite frankly baby him.

Iooking at open university and he will get a job before university

You have said the in fact opposite to this you said he has a block on learning from home prefers a class room so how is it changed now to hes going to do open university courses....hes not is he!
And countless times said he isn't ready for work!

He doesn't need to know your financial situation of course he does hes 17 not 3! And I didn't mean tell him to go out get a job but earn himself some pocket money totally not unrealistic for a teenager.

I have never involved me DC in my finances. I don't think I need to. I'm sure lots of parents are the same.

You said yourself hes not stupid so dont treat him that way!

I am absolutely not treating him as if he is stupid. I am giving him the ability to make this decision on what is right for him, not what suits me.

Tell him it's fine to leave school but he must find constructive things to do in that time

He is already doing a lot. This has been mentioned several times.

and if he wants nice things like he has now he needs to earn them, unless you are happy to wipe his back side for him the rest of his life.

He knows how it works. I'm not posting asking how to get nice things for my son. I'm asking whether I would be better in TC or UC if he leaves school.

Its life skills OP that he needs to learn, actions have consequences, it's no wonder you say hes too immature (sorry emotional) to get a job when you quite frankly baby him.

I do not baby him at all. He is a kid who has autism, a factor which means he actually does need a little bit more time to adjust to this current situation. I can't do a lot for him but I can absolutely give him that time. I actually said it was a combination of factors meaning he isn't ready for a job right now.

You have said the in fact opposite to this you said he has a block on learning from home prefers a class room so how is it changed now to hes going to do open university courses....hes not is he!i

A little bit of understanding would go a long way here. It's not that black and white. He has a block on doing this school work from home right now. Schoolwork has always been done at school, delivered by a teacher, with a back and forward method of discussion. He will be and for a long time previously has engaged in learning online. That's not anew thing but it's 100% separate to engaging with his advanced higher school courses.

and if he wants nice things like he has now he needs to earn them, unless you are happy to wipe his back side for him the rest of his life.

Just wanted to add to my response re this. We are not taking about an entitled, bratty teenager here. He is a teenager who has a lifelong condition that affects how he copes every single day. If he actually did need me to support him for the rest of his life, I would be there for him.

You make it sound like he is on a some sort of piss take here and I need to rid myself of the responsibility. He is my son and if he did need me I would be there for as long as I damn well could. He isn't an inconvenience.