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Should I ask the CMS to do a calculation?

37 replies

Moomin8 · 02/04/2020 21:33

Baby is 4 months old. Her father and I like each other but have acknowledged that we aren't going to be able to live together. And we probably won't be together forever.

Dp has a good salary afaik but I don't know how much he earns.

So he told me he used the government website to work out how much maintenance he should pay and that it says £350 a month for dd. Ok, I said. He then asked if I would be ok if he opened an account for dd and put in £50 from my £350, plus another £50 of his own. Again I was ok with this.

So he paid me £300 twice and now has cut the amount to £150 because, he says he didn't get as much commission last month. BUT he told me recently that he'd been spending £200 a week on food and groceries to stockpile because of this coronavirus. There is no sign of the proposed bank account for dd. Apart from this money he doesn't buy anything else except the odd tin of formula.

Our baby grows very fast and I have to keep buying her new clothes and she has now also grown out of her crib. I'm on maternity allowance and I'm pretty sure his standard of living is better than mine.

He told me that he would be really angry if I ever asked the CMS to calculate what he should pay. But what they calculate is a minimum amount and it's not unfair.

OTOH I can't cope with him exploding at me. My mum says I should definitely go to the CMS because he'll always put himself first.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/04/2020 21:36

Are you living together or even still in a relationship!

RandomMess · 02/04/2020 21:36

Sorry that should be a ?

Moomin8 · 02/04/2020 21:39

No we are not living together - we never have.

OP posts:
Moomin8 · 02/04/2020 21:40

It's difficult too because with dd being a baby, the only way he can have contact with her is to come to my house. He lives over an hour away.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 02/04/2020 21:43

I'd do the CMS as right now he can drop amounts, you need to know what and when for payments so you can budget.

RandomMess · 02/04/2020 21:43

Personally I would start a claim through CMS, if he kicks off then you don't have to allow him contact if he can't be civil to you and can take it through the courts.

It really sucks but messing you around and not paying isn't on at all SadAngry

Moomin8 · 02/04/2020 22:07

It seems like he thinks he can just choose what to pay. Or what not to pay.

OP posts:
timetest · 02/04/2020 22:12

Go through cms. It saves having to deal with his messing around.

Moomin8 · 02/04/2020 22:15

I don't understand why he's so angry about the thought of the CMS working it out?

It even says on their website that they tell you the calculation and then you can follow it between yourselves.

I wonder if he doesn't want me to know gear he earns?

OP posts:
boredboredboredboredbored · 04/04/2020 07:57

That'll be because he'll have to pay more! My exh was the same, LIVID that I went through the CMS but he's had to pay the set amount without a quibble!

NemosPoorlyFinn · 04/04/2020 08:14

Definitely go through cms if you opt for the direct pay option the amount will come out of his wages before he even gets them
So he can't mess you around by changing the amount each month

Moomin8 · 04/04/2020 11:09

If I do make a claim he'll hit the roof. He has acted like going to the CMS would be a personal insult to him.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/04/2020 12:58

Well he should have paid as per the initial agreement then should he Confused

Moomin8 · 04/04/2020 13:03

He has suddenly offered to buy her a cot. After saying he couldn't possibly afford the usual amount.

OP posts:
seven201 · 04/04/2020 13:11

Bet he gets a free second hand cot (nothing wrong with that - get a new mattress though) and claims that is his payment for the month! Definitely go through cms.

RandomMess · 04/04/2020 13:14

I would just state if you aren't going to give me £x per week every week by standing order on Fridays (go my the original amount but weekly) then I have to go to CMS you are leaving me no choice.

He is taking the piss, you can live without a cot but you need to be able to eat etc.

RandomMess · 04/04/2020 13:15

He should be paying you £80 per week for it to be £350 per month.

timetest · 04/04/2020 13:35

The offer of a cot is just to keep you sweet and away from cms. Accept the cot (it’s the least he can do) and contact cms. Ignore the nonsense about personnel insults. You do this to protect your child’s interests.

Moomin8 · 04/04/2020 13:39

She does need a cot as she's a very tall child and has nearly grown out of her next 2 me crib. Though I suppose she could sleep in my bed.

OP posts:
Moomin8 · 04/04/2020 13:40

I feel afraid of his response. I'm on the autistic spectrum and find it very hard to stand up for myself.

OP posts:
MontysOarlock · 04/04/2020 13:47

Probably more of a reason to claim through CMS then if you find it hard to stick up for yourself.

I would question why any father would be fearful of CMS if they are telling you truthfully what they earn and are going to be paying it regularly and on time.

There have been a few comments about men claiming a lower amount officially (to reduce CMS) and then actually earning a hell of a lot more Grin

LIZS · 04/04/2020 13:52

Go through cms . He does not get to pick and choose how much and what she needs. Is this the p who tells you not to go out shopping but comes and goes himself as it suits him. He sounds very controlling tbh.

Moomin8 · 04/04/2020 14:55

Yes that's him.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/04/2020 15:06

Just go to CMS you can block him on your phone and SM if need be, he shouldn't be visiting at the moment anyway.

ThanksThanksThanksThanks

abitlostandalwayshungry · 04/04/2020 20:26

Sounds like he earns much more then what he tells you.

If I was you I would definitely go via CMS.

The I'd send him a text saying
Dear ---
There have been too many chances in regard of the agreed payments. This makes me nervous and worries me for the future, which is not ideal as I really need to focus my energy on DD. To make it easier for both of us this will be calculated by the CMS.

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