AIBU to feel angry with husband

[Lisawinters]

Hello,

I would like your perspective on whether or not IABU

We are a couple both aged 40 with 2 young kids. We both work full time, have a mortgaged house and all of the usual stuff.

We have been in debt for several years due to general overspending, weddding costs, house repairs etc. My dh deals with all of the fiances and despite being in debt, we are ok and not in any arrears etc. Things tick along nicely.

My dh gets very stressed over the debt and on a few occasions he has gotten quite stressed and depressed over it. He will often bring up money and the need to cut back. I have never really asked him about our debt level until recently as I knew that he had it under control but I guessed it would be around 30-35K. I knew that it was £38K a few years ago.

Last week I found out that we actually owe 50K and I am annoyed. dh is upset and stressed and think that IABU for being angry. He feels that he has tried to raise the issue of money and budgeting several times but I haven't engaged. There is some truth in that.

He says that he feels ashamed that he had allowed our finances to spiral to such an extent and that whilst it worries him constantly, he felt the need to protect me from the stress. Thankfully we are able to pay it off with some sensible budgeting.

He doesn't understand why I am cross as in his opinion I should have taken more interest in our finances and not just leave it to him.

I don't have any concerns that he has been up to no good - gambling ot other women etc. He is a good man, a lovely husband and a fantastic father.

AIBU unreasonable to be annoyed over our debts?

Op thank you for updates. It's sounds like a real turning point for you both. You may look back one day at this being the start and hopefully you can now make the most of the money you have.

I'm so glad you're both on the same page now

@Lisawinters

You are going to be wasting money on paying interest you don’t need to by tackling the debts in credit cards in the way you describe

You would be better snowballing

Google it

But basically you tackle you’re smallest debt first - throwing all the money you can at it to reduce, whilst keeping other debts ticking over. Once the debt is cleared you move to the next smallest debt using the money you had been paying on the last debt and any other change at this next smallest debt...you now have one less debt and more money to throw at the debts

Obviously if you can change any debts to zero % interest all the better

He explains it and why it works

I think you both need some advice on managing money and how you best go about paying off your debts. Big weddings, cars etc are luxuries that if you can’t pay for you shouldn’t have. But as you can’t go back you need to look forward on how to manage your money going forward.

www.stepchange.org/