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Original poster

My husband thinks I am been unreasonable about not giving my savings

66 replies

Mum23and1 · 07/01/2020 14:57

Ok so we have been together 13 years have 3 kids together mostly happy. We are both self employed I had my own hair shop when we met and I gave that up so he could have his own building firm business that he went into partnership with someone. We moved house made equity on that (I got the Morgage with my earnings ) rented and saved hard for 9 month got our dream house that we are going to renavate so I have been saving hard i now work from home and look after the kids .i was hoping to start this work soon and now he wants me to give all my savings to him for his work and he has told me I will get it back his business will buy the bathroom materials etc when we get to this point and stand the vat . I feel really unhappy about this it doesn’t sit well at all with me he has been telling me we are going to be starting work but is constantly moving the goal posts hear . My worry is when it comes the time this year when I want to get my bathroom he will tell me the business carnt give it to me what do I do ???he also told me he had offered to lend his friend some of our money which again no way but doesn’t seem to understand me not agreeing.we have no loans credit cards or anything:

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 07/01/2020 17:50

Your being scammed

Give money to your dps mate ...yeah right

StillWeRise · 07/01/2020 17:52

so you were planning to use your savings to do up the new home?
I hope your name is on the mortgage OP, and you keep a clear record of who is contributing what to the costs of the property.
Don't give him any money!!!
And as PPs have said make sure you have money in your own name that he can't access and ideally doesn't know about

user1493494961 · 07/01/2020 17:54

Keep the money for your house renovations.

ShoesandmoreShoes · 07/01/2020 18:06

Over and over again, I have seen spouses of builders complain that the last project that ever gets addressed is their own home. Tales of rooms ripped to studs and abandoned because work got busy. Tales of cash flow issues meaning supplies aren’t available.

As the wife of a builder I 100% agree with this! Move your money to where your DH can't access it OP.

willowmelangell · 07/01/2020 18:12

Shift your money to a no access for a year account.
Your dh does not get to offer his pal your money.
Tell him its for the house or the dc University Funds.
Nothing to argue about.

Ask to see DH and his 'someone' partner business plan. Black and white.

What a terrible position he is putting you in. As his DW you are supposed to support him but yet, can he prove your faith is justified?
Actually prove that him and this 'someone' will provide a living wage for your family?

NotStayingIn · 07/01/2020 18:21

Has he explained why he thinks this is a good idea? I struggle to see a reason for it. Is his business failing and he needs the cash injection? Is he shagging his friend and wants to keep her sweet? Lending someone money is generally a bad idea. Wanting to lend someone money that isn’t even your own is beyond ridiculous. Good luck OP standing your ground.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/01/2020 18:34

The nature of self employed building is that they either have time or money but never both at the same time!

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 07/01/2020 19:30

Do not do this!

Also. Can you afford this home and renovations alone? When was the last time you saw a P&L for his business. Something has gone seriously wrong.

wibdib · 07/01/2020 20:56

Tell him that if he wants to lend money to his friend then he can use his own money. Moreover you have decided to lend your money to your own friend as you know they need it but will be able to pay you back with interest and free up money as needed for work on the house. No need for him to know that it’s a good excuse to move the money to Mr Lloyd’s or Ms NatWest etc but his reaction to discovering that the money isn’t available will be very interesting and very telling. Particularly if his plans are nefarious...

I would also say up front that you don’t want to be party to vat fraud - trade discount good, vat dodgyness bad. And that if he doesn’t think he can do the work then you will pay for another builder to come and do it with your own money.

And definitely start looking at his business accounts to see what’s going on!

Boomboomboomboom · 07/01/2020 21:10

If he's self employed, his tax is due on 31st January. Perhaps he hasn't saved enough?
He should not need your savings to balance his books, unless he is poor at chasing those who owe him money and has cash flow issues.
If you are happy for some if your savings to pay for materials for the work on your home, you could always do that direct to suppliers so you know the money is going to something for your actual benefit.

macaroniandpizza · 07/01/2020 21:11

Not a snowballs chance in hell would i give him the money op

NWQM · 07/01/2020 21:15

If I was you I would be asking what money he needs / wants for the business. I probably would not be giving it under any circumstances but it will help give you a clearer idea of what's happening.

Does the VAT idea add up at all? Is his business on where he could cover up buying a bathroom suite?

I would worry about what else is being done that's a little bit shady.

Useful22 · 07/01/2020 21:18

You must see the book to his business. He may be in real trouble in which case you need other plans. Sounds like things are going wrong.

But no, dontdo it

CrimsonCattery · 07/01/2020 22:26

Seconding of the hell noes on this thread!

HouseworkAvoider10 · 07/01/2020 22:30

Jesus, no.
your dh is a CF. and his friend.

safariboot · 08/01/2020 21:52

Hell no.

If his business is doing well he will be able to get a loan. If his business is doing badly, you'll never see your savings again.

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