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Original poster

My husband thinks I am been unreasonable about not giving my savings

66 replies

Mum23and1 · 07/01/2020 14:57

Ok so we have been together 13 years have 3 kids together mostly happy. We are both self employed I had my own hair shop when we met and I gave that up so he could have his own building firm business that he went into partnership with someone. We moved house made equity on that (I got the Morgage with my earnings ) rented and saved hard for 9 month got our dream house that we are going to renavate so I have been saving hard i now work from home and look after the kids .i was hoping to start this work soon and now he wants me to give all my savings to him for his work and he has told me I will get it back his business will buy the bathroom materials etc when we get to this point and stand the vat . I feel really unhappy about this it doesn’t sit well at all with me he has been telling me we are going to be starting work but is constantly moving the goal posts hear . My worry is when it comes the time this year when I want to get my bathroom he will tell me the business carnt give it to me what do I do ???he also told me he had offered to lend his friend some of our money which again no way but doesn’t seem to understand me not agreeing.we have no loans credit cards or anything:

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 07/01/2020 15:36

Having been business myself in the past

Ide hazard a guess the business isn't doing that well, and there's a shed load of stuff your not being told

Lending business mates money doesn't make sense, take a load from the company or get an over draft or some other way, what's the interest rate for this loan?

I think he needs the money and is using mate as a cover story

Equanimitas · 07/01/2020 15:39

Point out if he wants to lend money to a friend, he clearly doesn't need it for the business. If there is an advantage in payments for the house going through the business, tell him you'll put the equivalent into the business but only when payment has been made.

Hidingtonothing · 07/01/2020 15:40

Why does the business need your renovation savings OP, is it not doing well? Red flags all over the place here, it would be a flat no from me.

Angelw · 07/01/2020 15:40

Not a chance my dear, the sooner he knows the better for all involved to make alternative@plans.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 15:41

Sounds like he can't stand you having money he can't access. I had an ex like this. Fighting him off from my finances was a daily battle.

WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOpens · 07/01/2020 15:42

Do not give him the money OP. I think there is probably more to all of this that you might not know. Sorry but in future I wouldn't tell your DH exactly how much savings you have.

Hidingtonothing · 07/01/2020 16:05

I wonder whether a chat with a solicitor might be a good idea to make sure your money is protected as best it can be? It doesn't sound like things are being done 'officially' (is there any kind of paper trail for your investment in his business for example?) and that leaves you in a very insecure position if you ever split.

It may well hurt his feelings and lead to accusations of distrust but ultimately if he has no dodgy intentions he shouldn't/can't object to things being done properly can he? It could be argued that everything being laid out legally removes any potential for distrust in fact. None of us knows what the future holds and your financial security needs to be protected.

NaviSprite · 07/01/2020 16:18

Using the experience of a family member I'm in the No camp as well OP. Her Husband did similar (though it was inheritance money rather than savings) and he was Bankrupt two years later. My family member found out that he'd also linked their house to his business (not sure how that works mind you) so they literally lost everything. Not surprisingly he's now an EXH and she has just about gotten herself back on her feet after starting up her own business (this was 10+ years ago).

Original poster
Mum23and1 · 07/01/2020 16:44

Thank u for all your advice I’m hoping we can have a sensible talk about it instead of falling out xx

OP posts:
Dozer · 07/01/2020 16:46

Please tell us that when you closed/sold your business you got a full time job and continued earning?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 16:47

If he can't take a proper business loan then the business is in serious trouble. Don't do it. Whatever you do don't do it.

justasking111 · 07/01/2020 16:48

My friend lent her ex money to help his business out. She lost her home so no if his business is not doing well it may be you that keeps a roof over your heads in the long run.

Apileofballyhoo · 07/01/2020 16:55

I hope your house is safe OP.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 17:00

I'd agree, he's in serious trouble. Have you asked to see the accounts op?

HugoSpritz · 07/01/2020 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katy1213 · 07/01/2020 17:14

And if his friend can't get a bank loan, that's tough.

pooopypants · 07/01/2020 17:15

He's agreed to lend his friend some of your money?

Hell. Fucking. No.

Sounds to me like he doesn't like you having money that he can't get to. Stand your ground.

thickwoollytights · 07/01/2020 17:24

No

Fucking

Way

Purpleartichoke · 07/01/2020 17:29

Over and over again, I have seen spouses of builders complain that the last project that ever gets addressed is their own home. Tales of rooms ripped to studs and abandoned because work got busy. Tales of cash flow issues meaning supplies aren’t available. I get it. If wouldn’t want to come home from work and do the same thing all night and weekend either.

I still wouldn’t put your money into the business without a concrete plan for getting projects done.

MiniCooperLover · 07/01/2020 17:33

What did he say about the friend when you said no OP?

MiniCooperLover · 07/01/2020 17:34

And how much does he want to take off you ??!

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2020 17:35

I suspect he owes the friend the money, he's not loaning it, he's paying it back.

ChilliMayo · 07/01/2020 17:42

Nah mate.
Keep your money where it is. Second thoughts, don't keep it where it is. Move it somewhere he doesn't even know exists. A totally different bank. Put it on 60 day notice.
Love don't put food on the table.

JanusLooksBothWays · 07/01/2020 17:43

I agree move it where he can't find it.

Drum2018 · 07/01/2020 17:46

Do not give him money for his business and do not agree to lending as much as a fiver to his friend. Neither will end well.

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