I'm ashamed to say I don't know the first thing about budgeting

[Bitofnamechanging]

I'm early thirties with a husband and two children.
We're in 13k of credit card debt. We love beyond our means. We don't have much but just living makes us go over budget easily.

I pay the Bill's and dh pays for incidental (kind of but really we put stuff on the credit card).

My bills are roughly 1k per month including mortgage and we both have cars to run which are essential to our work.

I think a joint account would be best but I don't know whether to include food shop in that budget.

Our income is so variable that we cant say we have x coming in so much y on bills and z left over for spending money. Some months I'll earn £1500, other months I'll earn like £100. Dh is the same

It won't be easy with variable income but the first thing you need to do is make a full list of all your outgoings. Not roughly 1k per month, everything exact and yes you need to include food.

When you have your list you can start looking at each thing to see if it's essential and if so can you get it cheaper.

When you know what you need you can start to plan how much to save in the good months to cover the bad ones.

Can you do a second job in the time you aren't working?

You need to save all extra money above bills to even you out for two months then start using that additional to fund bills when income is less. If there is none one of you needs to look at having a consistent job so bills are paid

What do you need to know? I'm an accountant who has done a course to help people in debt to help out.
The first thing you need to know is where you spend your money, where you owe money and the rates of interest you are paying. Also it's your partner responsibility as well

Write down a list of your outgoings
Then next to each item note a (v) if variable (ie like energy bills) and a (n) if negotiable to get rid of (eg Netflix
You may also want to note if you are in contract with any of the companies in your outgoings or can you look for cheaper providers etc.
Re:food- of course you should budget, first though analyse your current habits.
How much was your last food shop? Where do you shop? Do you top up? Do you eat out/ buy lunch etc?

Once you have the figures you can see your true disposable income

In your case your budget is the bills that will come out and are fixed like car payments and food at a level you can live on. You can always top up shopping if you have more money but an amount you can live on gives you an idea.

Knowing the base line will enable you to work out if over a year you can cover everything or if the debit is just a cash flow problem and in good months it can be paid back.

£13k is a lot so it could be that in good months you can pay back say half that no problem but long term you need cheaper car or food budget in order to keep within your means. At the moment you don’t know if your basic outgoings can be covered or that the debit is non essentials building up because in your head you think oh that next big pay will pay for X Y Z.

Our food is pretty expensive. We're all sensitive to milk. Both dh and I were diagnosed with milk allergy as kids, ds1 had/has cmpa and ds2 doesn't tolerate it well but we never bothered with a diagnosis as it didnt emerge until weaning as he was ebf. Ds1 has coeliacs and so seems to cost a fortune.

It's pretty easy. 2 credit cards. 1 at 6k interest free and one at 7k. We had a 12k loan which dh paid off in a lump sum in the summer. He will pay a 2.5k lump sum off one of the cards at the end of jan.

We just seem to have a boom and bust type of approach. We also have nursery fees for both boys. Although that's kind of optional as I work evenings.

We only have to survive another 3 years until dh qualifies and then his low earnings will x4.

It's easy enough to calculate my bills. The way we work things just doesn't work because I'm broke as I pay the bills. So anything I need including petrol and activities for the boys goes on the credit card. The idea is dh pays for this but in reality he only does it sporadically. So I dont know how much I can spend. The consequence is we just spend..

If your money is spent on bills, and your husband's should be spent on incidentals but debt is used to pay for those, where is your husband's money being spent??

I would count the variable money as spending money for extra stuff - days out, luxuries etc. If you don’t have it then you shouldn’t spend it. It’s hard but it’s that simple. I’ve learnt the hard way after being in horrendous debt most of my adult life...!

Use money advise bee site as they have a budgeting section to input all your outgoings

As possible advice it’s not going to be easy with such variable income & probably explains why you’re in the situation you find yourselves

Have you checked if your entitled to any benefits? U.C. And council tax relief?

Also re the milk allergy... funny enough we are both the same. We use soya milk from the budget range at Tesco which is about 60p a carton. We don’t really eat or use a lot of the other dairy replacement things as they’re quite expensive.

Well your husband needs to start paying. Sounds like a second account in joint names would be better. Then you would have access to the family money to use instead of credit cards. What is he spending his wages on?

We are both on inconsistent incomes so can’t budget properly either.

We just are disciplined with spending. We pay all bills as soon as we are paid (even if that means paying early just to get them out of the way) and then we take out cash for living expenses and food. We don’t use cards for anything. The amount of cash we withdraw covers all food, transport and any other small incidentals. And it varies from month to month, depending on how much we’ve earned or saved.

Bigger purchases, so everything from haircuts and shoes to a new fridge, get written upon a list and when we have a healthy amount of savings and work is plentiful we spend on these. It is more difficult but that is the only way we’ve been able to manage.

Food wise, what are you buying that’s expensive? How much a week for your shop?

We don’t eat dairy in our house, plant based milks can be super cheap, my Lidl sells soy milk for under 60p and even oat and almond now for under 90p. Less processed and packaged food will be good for your healths and your budget.

I found doing the Moneysavingexpert spending spreadsheet really useful as a starting point. You list absolutely everything that you spend, whether it's weekly, monthly or annually and it really opened our eyes as to where we had been massively underestimating our spending. You can then look at every single one of those categories to see where savings can be made in order to reduce the debts.

Have you done a spread sheet, of all your spending, you need to do that for 3 months at least

Sorry if this seems harsh but with 2 dc at least one of you needs to be in a regularly paid job - even a nmw would be better than you not knowing from one month to the next what your minimum income will be to budget from.

Then you need also to have a hard look at outgoings and cut back wherever you can to get the debt paid off ASAP. You'll need to be brutal about what are necessities and what luxuries and even shop around and get the very best deals you can on the necessities.

You'd probably benefit from going to one of the debt charities, step change or Christians against poverty or similar - don't be conned into paying for debt advice.

It's hugely irresponsible to be in that much debt, not work to a budget and have dependent children in the mess.

I’m trying to unpick your OP.

First of all why this

I pay the Bill's and dh pays for incidental (kind of but really we put stuff on the credit card)

This does not sound right? No wonder your dh can afford to pay off massive lumps. Is he squirrelling money away?

List your outgoings and ingoings. Workout how much your regular bills are. In a good month you put aside spare money to cover lean months.

I suggest a single joint account. Go through it each month and check the balance before big bills.

Why do you use a nursery? Your OPsounds like you don’t need it.

He doesn't really spend. His income is very sporadic. He had lots of income over the summer, saved it all and then put every penny to the big loan we had.

Pretty much all money we have is variable apart from a small amount of tax credits.

This month I've earned hardly any money as I've had ds1 in hospital and then no clients over christmas. Jan-May I'll earn a lot but then pretty much nothing from july till sept.

In theory we should have enough. But truthfully I have no idea

Money saving expert forum debt free wannabe and full in a statement of affairs and people can help you adjust your budget and give you tips on how to do it. Non judgemental.It will open your eyes to your spending!

*fill in

I've just left dh with the kids and am going to start work on it now.

We're in a complete mess

I'll go on mse. Thank you.

And just for clarity. A nmw would be in no way beneficial to either of us. I earn £30 ph and work as many hours as I can around the kids. Dh earns £140 per day and works as many hours he can around his studies. Theoretically we shouldn't be in a mess

You need a desperate rejig of your finances. Add up all outgoings for the month and divide proportionately between you and DH. He needs to either put this amount in a joint account for bills or transfer it to you as his contribution. This should include food, costs for DC etc. If not where is his money going? Also, you both need to sort out your income. Even at your max of £1500 a month, most people would be barely scraping by and that would be income every month. I make £1300 ish PT and DH £1500 and we have to be careful with money. Both you then earning £100 for a month is just unsustainable. Regardless of childcare, studying whatever, you both need to get working and find jobs that keep your cost low even if its evening or weekends.

If you know when your not earning from your business you need to be temping to increase your cash flow

Obviously not with children in hospital

But if you’ve not got clients regular enough you need to be looking at whether your business is actually viable

My business is viable as it works well with the children. Before I had them I regularly was turning over 2.5k per month. It's just a really complex situation and we've buried our heads in the sand.

I'm feeling stressed and shitty and really ashamed