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Original poster

Asking family for a loan

32 replies

Mammabear23 · 28/12/2019 16:15

When asking for a rather large loan (approx 35k) for home improvements would it be better to ask in person/phone or over a message? Due to the amount I don't want to put them on the spot or make them feel like they have to give an answer right then. I realise it's a huge amount to ask for and obviously we will try and get a loan else where first I'm just not confident that on paper it looks like we can afford repayments when I know we can. If in person how do I make sure I'm not putting them on the spot?

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 28/12/2019 16:20

Yabu to ask at all imo...

BlueBirdGreenFence · 28/12/2019 16:20

That's a crazy amount of money to be asking for unless they're millionaires or better. Could they afford to lose 35k if something happened meaning you couldn't make repayments?

CoffeeCoinneseur · 28/12/2019 16:29

From the position of someone who has been asked for a loan by a family member...

Call/text and ask can you call over for a chat, give them some idea what it's about, and ask is there a convenient time.

Are these home improvements absolutely necessary (eg a leaking roof, damp proofing, the house is about to fall down, etc) or do you just fancy a new kitchen?

Go armed with proof of your financial situation and your repayment plan... not just "oh yeah, of course I'll be able to to pay it back". I want to know how - how much each month can you afford to pay back, end date when the Ioan will be fully repaid, what will you do about the repayments if you get sick, lose your job, etc.

Are you willing to pay interest?

Don't expect an answer there and then, and expect, or even better suggest, to have something put in writing and signed.

Be prepared for the answer to be NO, and don't hold any ill feeling towards them if that is the answer. Remember you are not entitled to this loan and they are doing you a favour if they agree.

Peony99 · 28/12/2019 16:29

I'd mention that you were looking for bank finance. If they then offer, happy days. If not, I wouldn't dream of asking.

(I say this as someone with family who could easily loan me this amount - I just would prefer to pay my own way unless they really want to help out).

Original poster
Mammabear23 · 28/12/2019 16:36

We're fully prepared and wouldn't be upset in the least if the answer was no. We would pay interest on it and would ask for it over a 5 year period, wouldn't be asking if we thought they couldn't afford it etc etc. This isn't something we've just thought on a whim. Was just wondering how the best way to approach it would be, imagining you were in a position to loan that kind of money.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 28/12/2019 16:38

I think asking for that amount would put anyone on the spot. I hope it’s a parent. Could you not borrow some of it from bank?

fedup21 · 28/12/2019 16:40

That is a huge amount of money-who is it you’re asking?

What makes you think you can pay that back in 5 years yet you can’t get a bank loan?

Drum2018 · 28/12/2019 16:42

Sil asked mil for a similar amount. Mil left her house and never gave a response. I think it's too much to ask unless the person has previously mentioned they would help you out. If it's out of the blue then find another way.

delilahbucket · 28/12/2019 16:44

If a bank would say you can't afford it then you can't afford it. It sounds like you are borrowing to your hilt and one small thing could stop you paying and put your family member in an awful position. Never mix family/friends and money. They don't go well.

titchy · 28/12/2019 16:45

Don't ask at all. Apply for a loan like everyone else does. If you get it great, if not, save up.

If the family member is close enough they may, if you're very lucky, offer you a loan if they know the work is urgent and you've been turned down. In which case do it through a solicitor and use your property as collateral.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/12/2019 16:46

Please dont do this, an appalling idea. I would be horrified. We help all of our adult children out if they are struggling but bevet that amout and not for home improvents unless it was a desparate need

user1483387154 · 28/12/2019 16:49

that is a really huge amount. it is totally inappropriate to ask for it.

Original poster
Mammabear23 · 28/12/2019 17:04

It's a parent. I get it's a huge amount. They've lent a similar amount to my step brother and are as far as I'm aware have potential to do same for us. If I was in a position to lend my children that kind of money to make their and my grand childrens lives better I'd do it in a heartbeat. Guess that's not the thing to do!

OP posts:
Gazelda · 28/12/2019 17:05

Could you call first and say you want to go round for some financial advice?
Then when you are face to face, maybe ask if they'd consider a loan and if so, how much would they be willing to lend.
I think that £35k is a huge ask, especially considering you expect a bank would decline. Do you have to do all of the home improvements at once?

SourAndSnippy · 28/12/2019 17:07

I'd avoid asking if possible but if you do offer to have the loan agreement drawn up properly if that's feasible. (I'm not sure it is). Do you have anything you can give them as collateral? Jewellery or cars or something. Again, I'm not sure that is feasible or not.

Also have you considered what happens if you or your partners dies or is made unemployed or what about if you split up.

We've lent money to family and they haven't ever paid it back despite having money free for loft conversions and holidays. It's my husbands
Family and it pisses me right off!!! It was very definitely a loan and they promised to pay it back.

fedup21 · 28/12/2019 17:08

Guess that's not the thing to do!

It’s hardly that.

It’s more that for the majority of people, that simply isn’t possible.

My parents loaned us £5000 for some work in the house; that was their idea and has been paid back now. Asking for £35k is a huge amount. They must be extremely comfortable.

Original poster
Mammabear23 · 28/12/2019 17:09

We live 300 miles apart so visits don't happen that often. It's for an extension that's been on the cards since we moved in 4 years ago. We've got another 2 years before we wanted to go ahead. And will then have 2/3rds of cost already saved. We are going to try and get a bank loan first, dad would be back up plan.

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 28/12/2019 17:10

The thing is that you and your SB might not be in the same financial situation....so you could be a different type of risk.

Additionally your parent and step parent may be in a different point of need now. They might need the cash available for future care etc and lending it to you might not be possible.

To be honest I would just say in front of them that you need to visit the bank about a loan for xxxxx. If my dad heard that and was in a position to loan and had the inclination to loan that would be enough for him to offer himself. I wouldn't need to ask.

oohnicevase · 28/12/2019 17:10

If you are prepared to pay interest then just get it from the bank!!... why risk the relationship for the sake of that ??! My mum is loaded but I'd never ask her for money , if we needed it we would go to the bank .. money always causes upset and problems !!

ShellieEllie · 28/12/2019 17:10

Could you remortgage for the amount?

BacktoMA · 28/12/2019 17:11

If you don't know them well enough to know how to ask and need to start a thread in Mumsnet about it, I'd say it's not appropriate to ask end of. I've borrowed money from my mum before, but we're close enough I know how to speak to her it's not a big ask.

bbcessex · 28/12/2019 17:13

If you know that this is a reasonable thing to ask from your parents, OP, then it's fine.

If I'm ever going to raise a potentially tricky topic with someone then I always send a message first. My husband is of the 'face to face' or on the phone camp, but I think that's so he can feel righteous for his own benefit - I always think giving someone a chance to prepare / take news in 'offline' is a courteous thing to do.

If I were in your situation, I'd sent a message via usual means, along the lines of

'Hi mum, we've been thinking about the extension we talked about and have had some rough costs put together. Can we come and talk it through with you before we go to the bank?'

That way, they know the general score and can talk about it between themselves first.

fedup21 · 28/12/2019 17:14

We are going to try and get a bank loan first

What makes you think you won’t get one? If you think you’ll be able to pay it back in 5 years, you must be on good money?!

If you will have saved 2/3 of the money (£70k in 2 years) why not just wait another year or so and save the rest? How much have you got saved now?

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/12/2019 17:15

I'd never ask for that amount; if you can afford to pay it back in 5 years you should just save it instead.

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2019 17:17

I personally think uou should wait till you get it all saved up or can afford a loan. I wouldn't do this. You can say you're applying for one, and see if they offer, but not in a way that guilt trips them into doing it

And it's always always people who say "I'm generous, I'd do it" who are the ones who need to borrow not give. Always.