Asking family for a loan

[Mammabear23]

When asking for a rather large loan (approx 35k) for home improvements would it be better to ask in person/phone or over a message? Due to the amount I don't want to put them on the spot or make them feel like they have to give an answer right then. I realise it's a huge amount to ask for and obviously we will try and get a loan else where first I'm just not confident that on paper it looks like we can afford repayments when I know we can. If in person how do I make sure I'm not putting them on the spot?

And it's always always people who say "I'm generous, I'd do it" who are the ones who need to borrow not give. Always.

Just like it’s always the people who can’t drive who say that IF they did drive and IF they had a car, they would happily drive annoying Sue from work an hour out of their way in the snow every day free of charge.

Thanks for all the replies :)

Even though it's a parent. I think you sound entitled. You are a grown woman now. Sort your finances out like your parents probably had to do for themselves!

An extension in excess of £100k? Is this a necessity or a want? Would you be cheaper moving to a bigger house?

Nice of everyone to focus on slating you for asking to borrow the money and querying why you need it, when what you want to know is how best to ask for it. None of us know the relationship you have with that person and whether you/they can afford the loan, so that's for you to judge.

If I had that kind of money to lend I'd expect a proper conversation about it. I would want to be asked in person, not by text. Although giving some preamble/warning ("I've a big favour to ask and would rather do it in person") would be good, as well as making it clear that you won't be upset if they say no. I'd also want to hear your proposals for paying it back and feel confident that you've worked out that they are affordable.

As someone with very wealthy parents who certainly have plenty in the bank I wouldn’t even dream of asking for anything close to this amount

I also wouldn't dream of asking for that amount.

But I also wouldn't dream of grilling someone in whether or not their extension is really needed or labelling them 'entitled' (a desperately over used phrase on mn that's become a bit of a joke now) if they have the kind of family whether asking for money like this is accepted.

OP, I think I'd be tempted to ask in person but make it absolutely clear upfront that you do not expect an answer until they've had time to think it over. So they know there is no pressure to decide face to face.