New partner moving in - how much should he contribute

[AliceR1]

Hi guys (ladies), just in your views on this.

I have my own mortgage on 3 bed terrace (£1000 per month) and two children from previous relationship aged 4 and 8, new partner does not have any kids. He’s moving in with us from rented 1 bed flat where he pays £900 rent.

How much money is it reasonable to ask for. I don’t want to be overly kind and generous as not to end up in a trap where I’m covering too much and end up having no money to spend on myself. He works full time and although I don’t know exactly what he earns, I knows what he pays for rent currently and obviously has bills, car running costs etc and can cover that.

Shared expenses, once he’s moved in, are housing (£1000), council tax (£180) other bills, gas water electric (£200) food (£450).

I’m not interested in having him on my mortgage or a joint account because I’ve worked hard over the years to become financially independent and am responsible for my own children.

Your views are welcome!

When you say you don’t know exactly what he earns, what do you mean?
That’s it’s high 30Ks but you don’t know to the pound? Or it could be anywhere from 20K to 120K and you don’t have a clue? If I wasn’t close enough to a boyfriend to know his income in this situation of moving, I wouldn’t think I was close enough to him to be moving in together!

And it depends on your income too I think - and especially if you receive benefits that will be reduced if he lives with you.

My husband moved in with me - I earn more, so he doesn’t pay a penny. I’m worse off, as I pay more utilities now and council tax. But I’m still better off than him, and I’m happy with paying more. We’re married though, which is a bigger commitment.

Too many other variables.
Generally I would say that you shouldn’t be worse off (even though I am!) and he shouldn’t be paying for half of an asset that isn’t his.

But it really depends on relative income.

I agree you shouldn't be worse off - you should be better off given the (often) inconvenience of having someone else there! And there's all the wear and tear, too.

He shouldn't be worse off, either - but you need to make sure he knows he's not contributing to the mortgage. The fact you might spend his money on the mortgage is nothing to do with it. I think there's a lodger agreement you can get to cover that.

Will you lose out on tax credits etc if he moves in?

My husband moved in with me - I earn more, so he doesn’t pay a penny. I’m worse off, as I pay more utilities now and council tax. But I’m still better off than him

That goes against the grain, to have an earning partner who doesn't contribute at all. Just because you earn more, it doesn't mean he shouldn't contribute.

I think you should have a frank conversation with him about this and consider your future plans. Are you planning to ever have a home together where you both own it, or have a mortgage on it? I think that he should probably pay 25% of the utility costs and then add money in for his 'rent'. Then you need to discuss food and incidental expenses.

Being honest I think if you’re not going to view him as part of your family - as in sharing finances etc- i don’t think you should move him in, especially when you have children. It could get very messy indeed.

If he's a 'partner' not a lodger, then half wouldn't be unreasonable. Perhaps knock a bit off because he won't benefit from any increase in property value?
On the figures you quote, everyone should benefit.

At a minimum it should be whatever the extra cost of him being in the house is,
ie

• However much your council tax will go up by for now having 2 adults
• any loss of benefits to you
• additional food
• additional utilities
• plus/minus change to his commuting costs

If that leaves you cost neutral but him still better off than currently, then I would suggest some additional rent/contribution so you both share the financial benefit of him living with you equally.

I dont think he should pay half towards the mortgage. Lots of women on here are told not to pay towards the mortgage of their unmarried partner because if the relationship breaks down they won't get anything back.

Perhaps 1/3 of mortgage/bills etc would be fair given that he is 1 of 4 but two are small children. Discuss with him and see what he is happy with.

Half of all general expenses, then look at what's leftover and agree an amount for joint savings if you can, towards big expenses like holidays.
If you have less to spend but that's because you're maintaining the house that is your investment that's fair.

How much will you lose on tax credits?
Tell him you want half going rent in area, and 1/2 for all extra bills.
Kids count as two half. So 1/3 for food.
This way he benefits.
Maybe money towards a cleaner, so your not doing it all.
Also what chores is he willing to do.
Will he babysit sometimes?
Or you tell him you want £1000 a month and will fund a holiday for you all from the left over money.
Just don't get bogged down by becoming his home help

I think it would be reasonable for him to pay 1/3 of the rent costs (£333) , half of council tax (£90), 1/3 of other bills (£67). So about £490 for 'rent', bills and council tax. (The reason I think 1/3 is you make up another 1/3 and your 2 kids the other 1/3).

Your food costs will go up with him there. So you could see what that looks like and then he could pay 1/3 of that (probably another 150- 200 a month). So if he gives you somewhere between £640 and £690 for everything I think that is fair.
Although he will be saving money so will you and he will lose his own 'child free' space. I know he is signing up for this but it will be a big change for him nonetheless.

I'm in a similar situation to you. My DP recently moved in. He's childless, I have one DS. DP owns his own house, as do I.
The agreement was that all utilities, including mortgage payments, are split 50/50. He also pays the different in what I lost in tax credits. His own house is let out and the rent pretty much covers the mortgage and letting fees. The agreement was that my house stays mine, and his stays his for now, as in, we're individually responsible for paying for and maintaining our own properties.
The plan is either to extend my house or move to a bigger property in the next few years and at that point he'll sell his house and we'll have a joint mortgage and share more finances.

It does get super tricky when you're older and there are kids and houses involved! There are so many variables involved but in general two people living together should be cheaper than living apart so it's just a case of finding a way to make that fair.

@HollowTalk I don’t want to derail the OP’s thread, but some rough numbers...
He has £1000K a month disposable. I have about £2500 free. What token amount from his £1000 do you think I should add to my £2500 so that he is “contributing”?
You realise there are plenty on here who would be outraged as it is that I have £2500 to his £1000?
The reality is that most of that is saved for both of us as we’re close to retirement, and I pay for our holidays, so we both find it fair.
We don’t need to give him a token bill to be responsible for, for what? Pride? To prove he’s not a cocklodger? He was married 25 years and widowed, he has lived the marriage of alternating being the higher earner. Last year I came close to redundancy, knowing he’d take over the mortgage if needed.

I didn’t want to derail - but this was my point anyway, really - relative income is a factor.

1/4 of mortgage and bills

Approx £600 a month, but more if you will lose tax credits.,£600 a month means he’s saving on rent so he benefits, and you do too.
I was in a similar situation - asked for £100 a week, my exP didn’t pay and became a cocklodger. Don’t let that happen. When exP finally moved out he owed me 14k unpaid rent!

There are four of you in the house, so maybe a quarter of all the bills except council tax - he pays half- and food - whatever it works out extra to feed him. Some men eat enormous amounts of food

Plus if you lose tax credits, he makes them up.

Id say £900pm he should pay. Considering thats what hed pay on rent alone without bills, food etc.

He'll go from maybe 900 plus bills and food to just 900 all inc.

Good deal for him and good deal for you. £500 of that towards his share of bills/foodshop amd £400 of it as rent.

I forgot how much men eat.
Please do not do the 1/4.
You will lose so much money, while he gains.

I agree with rainingflowers’ calculation.

OP, you need to ensure (in a legal agreement) that he has no claim to your house.
He needs to pay a fair 'rent' and toward food and bills. More than 1/4

Hello. My partner and I have discussed him moving in with me. He has a rented flat that he pays £460 a month. He has no other debts apart from utility bills. His take home pay is £1450.
I have a mortgage that is £150 a month. My take home pay is £1600 a month working 40 hours. I have quite a few credit card debts, car loan etc which after paying everything I am left with about £600 a month disposable income.
If he moves in I want to drop a day from work which means my wage from work would be reduced from £1600 to about £1250 per month.
He has offered me £400 a month plus half towards the food.
His disposable income after paying me would be £1050, take off about £200 for food and that would leave him £850 disposable. My disposable would be a lot less due to my debts.
Is this a fair offer?

Did you mean to bounce a 3.5yo thread? 🤣
You need to start your own.

@Andrea701

• I have quite a few credit card debts, car loan etc

• If he moves in I want to drop a day from work

And this is why you remain in debt. Whatever contribution he makes, how about you keep working your current hours until you pay your debts off?

OP, he pays at least half of your monthly household costs. No further discussion necessary. He should not get a "discount" for your children, it is his choice to move in with you all.

Get a cleaner also. Do not become his mother and possible future nurse with a purse.

This is an old thread....he has probably moved in and out by now.