Can earning more than your partner cause issues ?

[Shelby888]

Me and my partner have been together for over 2 years now, In that time I have recently just qualified as a chartered accountant.

We have a really strong relationship and never have had any problems of such but as of recently he has spoken out his insecurity of my earning potential and I may leave him behind. I have reassured him countless times this has been brought up that money doesn't matter... He works as a gas engineer and earns fairly good money (roughly £35k) he bought his first house 4 years ago and I have just moved in with him.

I have recently just had a pay rise and now earn more than him but I have held this back from him as I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Have any of you had these problems ? I just don't know what I can say or do to reassure him. I should imagine a lot of woman out earn their partners in this day and age!

I earn about 15k more than my DH, i guess it slightly different as we have three children.... but it doesn’t cause any issues. Ours goes into one pot and everything comes out of there.

It depends on the partner. My DH works a terribly paid by very worthwhile public sector job. I work in finance and earn just under three times more than him. He's not bothered at all and tells me that I'm worth every penny. I do know men who would be threatened by their wives earning more than them though.

I'm a teacher. DH is a quality checker in a factory. When I was part time I earned the same as he did. Now I'm back full time as the kids are older, I earn more. I make sure I pay a proportionately bigger amount to shared bills/costs and it has never been an issue.

I earned a lot more than DH. We always pooled everything, so it didn't matter to us who earned what. He never felt uncomfortable at earning less, there were times when he earned more than me when we were first together. I think if you've been in the situation where you are stony broke (like we were when we first married) you have a different perspective on life and ego matters less. It could be though that DH was not insecure about who earns what. Could be a bit of both.

I have always earned more than DH - our salaries have always been paid into our black hole joint account each month and everything has been paid from it. Works well for us.

I used to earn more than my DH, now he earns more than me. We always just pool everything. Never caused any issues.

If your started out in a relationship earning the same and with same value of assets as each other then as long as you are in a committed relationship I would not see a problem, the problem would arise if you meet later on in life and one has a low paid job, no savings and in debt because they had been living beyong their means and someone else has been frugal built their career, brought a house, big savings, going on holidays, nice car. Then there would be alot of resentment there and you would probably have to lower your lifestyle/subsidise them for the things you like to do if you decided to get in a relationship with them

I earn more than my DP but I put in more to the joint account. Can you work things out by % rather than total amount?

Sexism is alive and well
sad that he cannot celebrate your success rather than feel emasculated by it

Never been a issue for us. My OH thinks it's great I earn more!

Your partner is being sexist frankly and I wouldn't pander to him.

Why would a man have issues with his female partner earning more? Do women have a problem if their male partner earns more? He sounds really sexist and perhaps needs to grow up.

I earn about £10k more than my partner, and pay more in to the joint account for all household expenses than him. I also pay slightly more on one off joint purchases.

He doesn’t care one bit that I earn more, I am in a professional career and have had several promotions to bring my salary to the level it is. He works in a job that pays well, but has no such progression so is ‘stuck’ on his salary.
He is proud of me and my work, and also grateful that he doesn’t have to do tonnes of overtime just to pay the bills like many of his colleagues..

I gradually outearned my ex - first by a few grand and then more and more. He had a terribly macho job and I used to think he wasn't threatened by it. After we had a child, however, he used to insist his job was more important than mine and seemed determined to push me into a little wife and mother role that I did not want, rather than continuing with an equitable relationship.
So I guess, in the end it did threaten him because he couldn't easily dominate me and force me into a subservient role.
He's achieved it now in a way though because I'm a lone parent so have to do all the childcare (I still out-earn him though )

I earn 15k more than mine, started out the other way round. Both salaries into one account, never been in an issue

I earn about twice what my DH does. It goes in the joint account. It does not cause any issues.

What Listeningquietly said.

I suspect that your DP has been programmed that Men provide for women. Now that he’s in the big wide world it isn’t matching up to the expectations, even if those are subconscious.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/wife-income-salary-marriage-husband-stress-a9209426.html

It is apparently a thing.

Well, it can if you've got together with someone with self esteem and/ or self confidence issues. However, it needn't.
Can you not remind him that you have been prepared to accept that you are moving in to a house that he has bought and you've not had any financial input into buying ?

Over the decades we've had spells where I've earned more (the longest period of time); where I've been on maternity leave; where he's not earned at all; where I've been part time; and where he has earned more. However, as a couple / family our money all goes into one account and is 'our money' so where each bit comes from that year, isn't important.

I've outearned every partner Ive had at some point. Ex hated it (though he was of course happy to spend my money) but he was an abusive prick, so was small minded and hateful in general.

DH couldn't give 2 figs what I earn. He's happy for me to pursue the career I want to and is proud that I'm doing a good job of it. The fact it pays well is a bonus.

Never again would I bother with a man that felt my doing well was an insult to them. Life is far too short to waste it on a man (or woman) that does anything other than encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

I earn more the 2x what DH does. He doesn't really care. We don't pool our money but I contribute a lot more to bills.

Oham

I earn more than DH. We're both in professional jobs but I am in a higher managerial position than him.
We are lucky to be in a position to save his salary and live on mine so we just view my salary as ours. Doesn't seem to bother him!

I earn 4x my husband’s wage. Neither of us give a fuck.
You cannot start like this by hiding your pay rise.
Tell him, and expect him to grow up.

DP earns around double what I do. We live together and have a mortgage. He pays a bit more to the mortgage and bills than I do. He is currently trying to put more in a joint savings account for our house renovation goals.

Having different wages needn't cause an issue. If you live together, it could help to be open and honest and discuss how you both contribute financially. Maybe he could take you out for more meals and you could pay a bit more to the bills. He wouldn't see the bill payments per say but would feel happy at being able to treat you to dinner. I know that sounds awfully 1950's, but its just about making each other happy right? You out-earning him has absolutely no bearing, unless you want to holiday to the Maldives and his budget is more Amsterdam for the weekend.

Also Shelby888 - congrats on recently qualifying! :)