Does anyone manage all household finances - including DH's financial affairs?

[BrummieOnTheRun]

DH won't take our financial situation seriously. It's like having another child. I do the spreadsheet, take him through the outgoings, calculate the weekly budget, agree how we're going to manage it (cash budgets, cut backs, regular reviews of spending)....then nothing.

I feel like I'm the only one interested, and it's like pushing a very large rock up a very steep hill single-handed. I just don't have the energy.

He's a single-child. His parents have worked very hard to create a comfortable life for themselves and have made it clear he'll never end up on the street. So there's this attitude of 'it'll be alright'. And it won't. We're not talking large frivolous purchases, just a mixture of not being careful enough and small but regular unnecessary spending.

I know what we need to do, but he just isn't WORRIED enough to care that much.

The most dramatic solution is to take all financial management out of his hands (even though he is the only earner at the moment) manage all household bills, and allocate him a personal budget.

Has anyone done this and how do you manage it? Oh, and is it a recipe for divorce!

I used to do ours, in a sign this manner. The only way. We used to be ok. Hes now spending his not small wages in a fortnight and spending 2 weeks of the month skint.

Wehave 4 accounts (besdies the childrens) Payments account, Living Account his play money and my play money

a set amount goes into his, mine and apyments each week and the rest goes into living. It is his business what he does with his and mine with mine but the living account is strictly for food and family activities and the payments for bill/mortgages etc

This does occasionaly cause trouble - I think it bothers him that he as the man does not control the funds but he asked me a long time ago to take care of things as he gambles and at times quite badly this way he is limtied and if he blows all his on day one that is his problem for the week

Great, so it can work!

How much time does it take you to manage, or is it just setting it up that's time-consuming? (we'll need to swap accounts for all bills).

Also - do you set yourselves budgets or spending limits for personal items?

yes, I do everything too. But I don't mind that at all because it comes pretty naturally to me and it doesn't to dh.

I think it depends how much of a bad financial situation you are in.

Everyone's attitudes to money are different - and everyone's view of being in difficulties is different. Some people feel uneasy unless they have 5 figure sums in the bank and some people are perfectly happy living month to month in overdraft!

oh I don't manage what dh spends (I doubt anyone could ) but I manage his account online - pay bills out of it etc.

We have just started doing this because dh is useless with money and we now have far more debt than I am comfortable with. I have access to all the accounts, I work out the budget and move money around as appropriate. He gets a weekly ?allowance? and with that he can do whatever he wants. I don?t question it.

It sounds awful (I know if it was reversed I would feel extremely patronised), but my dh seems strangely happy with the arrangement. I think it has removed the stress he felt about our financial situation (without doing anything about it) as well as the guilt: he can go to the pub with ?his? money without feeling that he really shouldn?t.

It suits me too, because I am also a control freak. I do wish that it wasn?t necessary though. That he could have taken responsibility, but it was just not happening.

I organise all the financial stuff.
DP not at all interested in money stuff. I vaguely read the money pages of the paper, and make decisions about savings, mortgage etc.

Could you both try having a personal budget for a few months? Both agree to try and manage on x amount a month for non-essential spending?
Although my DP is naturally a spender rather than a saver, he does try to meet the challenge of a budget with a particular goal in mind.

i do too,but w are peniless , so maybe i should lt go of reins.

yes like Malory I do everything

dh has no clue

he can manage the finances of a whole organisation with several staff but just has a blank about his own

we both have an equal amount per week which is just for us for coffees, newspapers, whatever, whatever - cash every Friday

and a monthly standing order into a savings account for stuff like clothes, presents etc (mainly so there was still some romance to buying one another birthday gifts etc)

but the rest of the purchases are joint and tbh if there was a doubt over whether or not to buy something I would prob have the final say

dh not oppressed or emasculated in any way - cos if it wasn't this way we would be in debt probably!

I manage all ours and DH is the only earner - mainly because DH doesn't have time. We discuss major things but I manage the day to day things. Works for us but I think we both have a similar attitude to money.

Right, I'm going to do this.

I need to get all the utilities details, credit card and loan details, current, savings and investment acct details together. (unfortunately, thursdaynext, I don't think he'd manage an 'informal' budget)

I'm not sure how he's going to feel about me going through his bank and credit card statements. Fingers crossed.

Yes I do, DH has a complete blank about it so I have taken over. Do the same as Cappuccino with the equal amount of spending money.

DH seems to not mind at all, in fact is much happier now I've taken over and we don't fall out about money any more.

Yes, I do everything. All the money goes into a joint account. I transfer some into his account - his pocket money lol - and I spend the rest . It's all so organised that there's very little to do now - the budget pretty much runs itself.

It suits us this way as I'm a bit of a control freak whereas he doesn't have a clue about it and can't be bothered to take an interest. However, I did once hand it all over to him in a fit of picque but it was an unmitigated disaster.

We pretty much do as Mallory does.
He has no idea of what is coming in or out of the bank. But he checks his payslip every week as it has occasionally been wrong, I deal with the bills, the banking, the mortgage, ask him what he thinks about big stuff (but we usually do what I suggest) and he signs where I point.
We have pocket money each week and I also have housekeeping (bread and milk money)
We discuss money but as we dont have any its usually
Him: We are OK arnt we?
Me : Yea we're doing OK

I've got a blank household budget spreadsheet that I made somewhere that a few mnetters use on the debt free thread

if you want it cat me and I'll send it

Yes, like RubyRioja, I organise it all, not becos dh can't simply becos
a) As dh is away so much, and I'm at home I have more time & opportunity to do it (such as the umpteen hours it took to sort out the re-mortgage a couple of months ago), and
b) Since we started our business 12 years ago I do all the business financial stuff (cos of my accouts background), so it just sort of melds together
c) when we first got together dh came to live in my house. All the household bills and stuff were in my name, and it's just too much faff to bother getting them changed.

We do have seperate bank accounts, but actually have power of attorney over each other's account. Haven't used it, but it's there in case of emergency (like when I spent weeks in hospital a few years ago). Dh pays his own credit card bills etc, but I manage the deposit account, and squirrel a bit away now and then, so if he's running short I'll bung him a bit in his account.

I can't imagine a relationship where you can't trust the other half to manage money, or can't talk about your finances openly and sensibly.

I do everything apart from investments (DH does the investments, but he just moves the same pot of money around). The reason we did it this way was that it was easier when I was a SAHM to have everything in my name, and that I also had the time to do it.

TBH, there's not much to do, except at tax time. The bills are all on direct debit and we don't have any credit cards or loans. We are fairly instinctive about what we can afford - everything goes on school fees, basically, and with five kids, things like travel is not something that we can do spontaneously. Also, the house is too easily cluttered, so I don't want to buy anything that adds to it, including more clothes than we need.

Tax is always a nightmare, because we have to do both US and UK taxes, and I am a rubbish record keeper.

I do all ours - dh just signs what I ask him to and asks if he wants to know anything.
He is v good with money - not a spendthrift or anything just hates all the research/paperwork crap.
In return he does all the housework (except shopping - that's included in my finance bit!) and he is much, much better at it than me
Does everything go into separate accounts at the moment Brummie - how is it run?

I'm surprised to see other people do this as well. I do the money stuff. All of it. It is an absolute nightmare. DH hasn't got a clue and doesn't care. He spends as and when he likes then I lay awake night after night worrying how we are going to manage. All I get is "I don't spend it on myself" but we've had years of "my car needs a service- I've booked it in for tomorrow" and "it's alright for you, you can just buy what you like".

He can never see that I've spent hours juggling everything around like 'if I get the DCs shoes this week then I'll have to leave the electricity bill until after next payday'. The really frustrating bit was one month having carefully sorted out the account so that there was just enough to cover the mortgage, including going into the bank especially to pay in cash from another account, he then went to tesco and took out £10 "for my tea money" and we went overdrawn. He's getting a bit better since I explained it to him in words of one syllable but I'm really tired of doing it all myself.

Same as Malory. I do everything and it works because we're both happy with it. I'm a control freak and like to be in charge of the money, DH is a bit slapdash and would be late paying bills, go overdrawn, etc if I didn't keep an eye on things. He's not a financial idiot and will make sensible suggestions (like getting an ISA, buying company shares) but I do the actual organising. He's the only wage earner so the bulk of his salary goes into a joint account, he keeps a bit in a personal account and transfers a bit into my personal account. The personal account is a bit of a joke as I have his Switch card and often make on-line payments with it (with his full approval, I hasten to add!). We don't monitor each other's spending but he will check with me that there are enough funds if he wants to buy anything expensive. Oh, and we also have an independent financial advisor who makes sure we're okay in terms of insurance, critical illness cover, long-term investments, trust funds for the children, etc. Possibly not the solution for everyone but it works just fine for us.

At the moment, jackstini, pretty much everything goes into and out of his account because he's the sole-earner.

He transfers some money to me each month (I'm not working at the moment), which goes on house and kids as sensibly as possible.

We've both got credit card debt (manageable currently, but I know he still uses his card to 'top up' which I'm not happy about at all...also not at the best rate - he doesn't shop around).

He's a fantastic guy, and great at managing budgets at work, but kids himself about our income/outgoings status - like calorie or alcohol-unit counting! He doesn't feel the fear!

And he's busy and stressed at work, so just doesn't want to deal with this stuff at home.

We've got a dormant joint account that we don't use at the moment. I just need to transfer the accounts and start using it.

Tks for the spreadsheet offer Cappucino. I'll probably be in touch about that, if that's ok.