Twinklemegan, spot on with the tax credit thing !
That site I referred to ..... it isn't literally for women who are second wives.
It's for a wife, or partner, of a man who's been married, or had a partner before, and who'd like friendship, advice & support from women in a similar position to themselves.
Tatt ..... I think you have taken TM's comment out of context. Read the whole thread and she explains that her DH disputes the sum in question but has been paying back the minimum requested in the meantime because otherwise enforcement measures were being threatened. She also mentions that her DH had tried to offer a voluntary plan (to presumably pay this off) but this had been rejected.
All of that does NOT equal a lack of care for his children on his part, nor does it mean TM is somehow in collusion with him as you imply. The CSA is a law unto itself ..... very sadly, it would appear that the genuine feckless fathers (the ones who "disappear" or work cash in hand) out there are low down on their list of priorities, but the responsible fathers who have always fully co-operated with the CSA are, conversely, often given little flexibility with regards to payments & arrangements. It very often isn't a question of the CSA "deciding that someone could have afforded more", it's a question of them, sometimes years down the line, realising that they made an original error (or errors) in their calculations ..... and then, despite the absent parent doing nothing wrong, they are then ordered to rectify the CSA's mistake within an impossible timeframe.
When you have been in the system for a while - and particularly so if there are near continuous reassessments (in my partner's case, every 7 or 8 weeks, due to an ex hell bent on removing the "shared care" element my partner is fully entitled to - by repeatedly lying to the CSA about the no. of overnight stays ..... causing ridiculous amounts of admin for all concerned & wasting taxpayer's money ........ though I'm not suggesting this is the case for TM) it's often near impossible to work out what you should be paying, from which date.
My partner advised the CSA immediately he had a new job, yet it took them 7 months to reassess him based on his new salary. He was then told he had "arrears", and that these could be paid back at no less than 5% of his gross salary per month (which may not seem a lot, but is when your mortgage, travel to work & maintenance already takes 80% or more of his net salary) ..... irrespective of how affordable this actually was, and irrespective of his repeated requests for them to get their finger out
and tell him what was due so he could start paying it back. He obviously had an idea of what "extra" was due, but couldn't calculate it properly due to all the to-ing and fro-ing which goes on continually in his case. And the CSA refuses totally to negotiate on this 5% business.
Nowhere in TM's posts have I got the impression that her DH is irresponsible, nor that he's refusing to pay back what is due, within a reasonable timeframe. Her opening post was prompted by the excrutiating fear that her home may have to be sold, which would of course affect her own children as well as her DH's "first" children for that matter. Them being made homeless could potentially affect DH's job, which could then maybe have a knock-on effect on how much maintenance he's due to pay etc.