Daughter's boyfriend

[mumofadultkids]

Hi, after some advice please. Our daughter's 22 year old boyfriend has just graduated needs to move in with us for a few months as he's got his first full-time job which is much closer to where we live than his parents. Our daughter is starting her postgrad so still a full time student.
My question is how much should we charge him? We have said we will need to ask him for board so he is expecting this but still tricky. We will be buying all his food etc. As much as we'd love to, we can't afford to not ask for a contribution to the household.

We also have a 21 year old son who has just graduated too and we have warned him that we will need to ask him for contribution too when he gets a full-time job but that's another topic. I know many people don't agree with charging their 'kids' for board but I feel this is important and something that I did without any objection when I was their age.

Thank you

Well for starters you don’t “have” to have him move in with you. Do you want him to? If he wasn’t with your DD or you didn’t live closer than he’d have to live somewhere else.

How much is a room in a flat share in your area?

I’d say £100 a week, if you are providing all his meals.

Depends where you are really. My Aunt rented a room only plus bills for £100 a week and that didn't include food

If he’s got a job, then I assume it’s just for a couple of months until he settles in the job and finds himself a room? Maybe £200/month to cover bills and food in that case?
If he hopes to live with you for a longer period of time, then I’d charge market rates.

With own child, I’d only ask for a contribution if I needed it but I’d expect them to be saving a lot into their Lifetime ISA towards a deposit on own property.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
He plans to learn to drive once he starts earning and then commute from home but obviously that might take some time...
Will have another look at going rate for rooms but these tend to be without meals and some without bills. Not looking to charge going rate but need to cover costs as we aren't in a great position financially atm.
Quite a big difference in suggested amounts of £200 pm to £100 pw, would welcome any more contributions please.

Depends on where you live too. In some areas, £100 per week (=£430 per month) would easily cover a room shared with girlfriend + a weekly shop so it could be market rate.
If you’re in London then it could be more.

In terms of what he’s actually going to cost you, the increase in supermarket and utility bills is likely to only be £100-150. Isn’t it?

I think knowing roughly where you live would help.
Are you expecting him to help do laundry , cook and clean etc? If so then I think you should all sit down and really talk about what everyone's expectations are. I'd write things down especially as it might be that he ends up living with you for a lot longer than you plan.
Will he go back to his parents at the weekend? That would help a lot.

I would charge something like £80 a week and go up or down depending on where you live and what your house is like. If he is stuffed into a little bedroom with your daughter I'd charge a lot less than if they had a big bedroom and a living room they could use for themselves.

Thanks. To answer your question we live in Hertfordshire where house prices and rentals are relatively high. Prices vary locally - if in a local uni town where there are a lot of student rentals prices are lower but as he's now graduated this isn't something he'd like to be in again. I think you're right to get an idea of everyone's expectations would be good. He's a big eater so will definitely impact on our food bills :)
Not sure about weekends yet, might vary week to week I think.

I’d ask for £625 a month for bed, board and bills for the daughter’s boyfriend. You probably don’t want him living with you for any time longer than he has to. It’ll increase energy bills, food bills and wear and tear on the house. Also he may be a terrible housemate (most young people are) and what happens if your daughter dumps him, or they start fighting? If they break up, you’’d have to live with him while he searches for somewhere else to live. That would be quite awkward. I’d get a tenancy agreement so it feels more like he’s a lodger. £625 is the max tax-free you can earn for a lodger.

I realise this may be higher than what most people are saying, but £625 for bed, board and bills is still a big saving for him and he won’t have so much cooking, shopping, etc so it’s a great deal for him. But if you make the cost next to nothing (few hundred quid a month), he may never move out because he’ll be saving so much money.

I think £625 is steep. He will only have a shared bedroom and limited storage, won’t he?

I assumed he’d get the daughter’s bedroom? Sorry - I had thought she was studying somewhere else as lots of students don’t live at home.

If he’s sharing a room with her, then I’d say £400, and make it clear to your daughter that it’s temporary.

I would just charge costs plus maybe a tenner a week.

My previous post about £100pw is in North East Herts.

How much is he going to cost you?

How much extra will he cost?

Is he getting his own room or sharing Dds?

I'd say 75-100 per week.

I think £75-100 a week is fair. His impact on the utilities will be limited so you're just making sure he's paying his way food wise really. You're not trying me make a profit of this chap I assume, as your OP reads like you're doing him a favour. If so then I wouldn't be charging the earth!

What @surlycurly said.

I agree with £100pw for the daughters boyfriend.

Food will be the main/only additional cost so I think you have to find an amount that

1)is more than enough to cover his food.
2) should be easily affordable as he has a job
3) cheap enough he should be able to afford driving lessons/save for deposits.
4) not so cheap that he doesn't want to leave!

For me that would be £100 per week.

I think he should buy his own snacks separately - there is nobody worse than a young man eating everything in the house.

I would say £100 pw for board and bills, plus food on top.

What's he earning? What was he paying on rent before?

FWIW I don't think you need to compare what you charge your own son with what you charge him - two completely different things.

Watching with interest as similar might be happening here too.

I'd look at how much it will actually cost you, water, electric, clothes washing etc then some for inconvenience. Bearing in mind you'd probably look to charge your own child less.
However I wouldn't include food at all, he needs to becoming independent.
Include need for tidying after himself, doing his own washing, cleaning their bathroom etc.

Thank you everyone for your input, much appreciated! I'm erring towards £75-£100 pw - maybe £375 pm but will give it more thought over the weekend.

@LL83 thank you, completely agree with your points, it's all about getting that balance!