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Original poster

Daughter's boyfriend

47 replies

mumofadultkids · 26/07/2019 11:05

Hi, after some advice please. Our daughter's 22 year old boyfriend has just graduated needs to move in with us for a few months as he's got his first full-time job which is much closer to where we live than his parents. Our daughter is starting her postgrad so still a full time student.
My question is how much should we charge him? We have said we will need to ask him for board so he is expecting this but still tricky. We will be buying all his food etc. As much as we'd love to, we can't afford to not ask for a contribution to the household.

We also have a 21 year old son who has just graduated too and we have warned him that we will need to ask him for contribution too when he gets a full-time job but that's another topic. I know many people don't agree with charging their 'kids' for board but I feel this is important and something that I did without any objection when I was their age.

Thank you

OP posts:

HemlockStarglimmer · 26/07/2019 22:31

When we put up a friend who'd been flooded out of her house, her insurance company paid us £100 per week. That was 10+ years ago and in an expensive area of Scotland.

NuttyOrNice · 26/07/2019 23:28

He's a big eater so will definitely impact on our food bills

I think this might end up being an area that might cause problems. Are you going to be ok if he all your snacks? I think providing all his food could be very expensive. Have you ever seen some of the threads on Mumsnets about ‘greedy’ au pairs. (Who generally don’t sound the least bit greedy).
I’d suggest he buys his own snacks as a minimum.

PersonaNonGarter · 26/07/2019 23:35

£400 per month.

mcmen71 · 26/07/2019 23:36

I'd let him stay but get him to do his own shopping, washing, cooking don't get involved with any of it your giving him somewhere to stay but I wouldn't be his cook or shopper.

Heat6Headache3 · 27/07/2019 01:13

Are you expecting to provide breakfast, packed lunch, evening meal & snacks ?

I've never rented a room where food has been provided. Why would you do this ?
Will you all be sitting down together for evening meal together every night ?

He should be able to provide his own breakfast, lunch & snacks
If you want to provide evening meal that's up to you

What house rules will you have about washing up, cleaning, gardening, parking ?

violetbunny · 27/07/2019 01:31

If food is included, I'd make it clear what the rules are around that. Are you ok with him making lunch at home to take to work? Helping himself to anything whenever he likes? Does he get any say in what you buy?

FreddiesMammy · 27/07/2019 01:33

I’d say £100 per week

lawnmowingsucks · 27/07/2019 06:26

£80 a week and he buys his own food and cooks separately and does all his own washing etc

If you want him to eat as part of the family, do his washing for him, clean for him etc then £140 a week

Money paid monthly in advance by BACS

Aridane · 27/07/2019 07:08

Shit - what high sums! He’s your daughter’s partner, not a lodger, and you’re not a commercial enterprise. I agree with tinkly!

Aridane · 27/07/2019 07:09

)or just don’t have him move in!)

redkitesobright · 27/07/2019 07:10

£250 a month sounds reasonable.

JoJoSM2 · 27/07/2019 07:10

I think it would be awkward for him to buy and cook his own when the rest of the household eat together.

I’d say that there will be cereal/toast/eggs he can help himself to for breakfast + he can join in with the family dinner.

I’d definitely expect him to help with cooking, washing up, cleaning, mowing the lawn etc to a fair extend considering how many others live in the house.

lawnmowingsucks · 27/07/2019 07:12

I think my biggest concern would be what happens if DD and The Boyfriend split whilst he's still living with you

HollowTalk · 27/07/2019 13:36

I would say £100 pw would cover all bills and food, but I still think he should buy his own snacks and alcohol.

MrsWombat · 27/07/2019 19:33

I would ask for more than what he will technically cost you. But you could save the "profit" and give it back to him when he moves out, as he may well be moving in with your daughter at some point. He could end up being your Son in law. And if he's a nightmare lodger you can treat yourself to a holiday instead.

Act10nPlan · 28/07/2019 00:03

If you are providing food, let's hope he has a normal appetite
I would tell him that you will review the costs after a couple of months

Sceptre86 · 04/08/2019 18:29

I would ask him to do his own washing and cook once a week. I would also expect him to tidy up after himself and keep on top of his room. I would charge £300-£400 a month. In addition, I would expect him to buy his own alcohol and snacks especially if he is particular about what he likes. You may find that once you have discussed all this he decides to look for a flat share or something else. How much you expect your own son to contribute is entirely different!

MaybeitsMaybelline · 04/08/2019 19:49

Personally I think it depends on two things; what a house share plus bills and food would cost him in your area and also what he earns.

It should cover your costs, be affordable to him but also be cheaper than a house share otherwise he would live there........ and if you want the same as a house share, let him live in one.

beaneyes · 06/08/2019 10:51

How much will he be earning?

£80 a week to cover food and bills in shared room.

He needs to cook one night a week.

He needs to do his own washing.

He needs a chore - something to make you feel he's contributing. It's tough having someone in your home 247!

To be reviewed after 6 weeks, and put a time limit on it or you might start to dread coming home. Say 3 months is that reasonable?

Original poster

mumofadultkids · 18/08/2019 15:54

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply to my original message. Your replies gave me plenty food for thought!
Well we're now 2 weeks in and so far so good.
We've said we don't expect a contribution until he gets paid at the end of the month and we have agreed on £375pm which he is happy with. For this he has all his food provided, including food to take for lunches. He enjoys cooking so he does offer to cook but so far have only taken him up on this once, last weekend, as he's pretty worn out by his new job at the moment which is 7.30am-3.30pm. He does his own washing too and is very tidy.
He will be earning a good wage £21K and seems happy with the arrangement.
We're looking on this as a short-term solution to getting him started in his job as he would have no way of commuting from home. The one thing he does need to get sorted though is finding a driving instructor and getting lessons booked in advance for when he's been paid, so that he has the means to progress.....
Thank you again!

OP posts:

Mosaic123 · 19/08/2019 14:07

He's tidy? That's great.

19lottie82 · 21/08/2019 16:49

I wouldn’t call 21k a good wage for a graduate...... not saying you should be charging him any less though! Glad it’s all working out.

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