Who pays for what-living with DP

[historysock]

DP and I live together with my two DD's from a previous relationship.
DP earns just over 35k more than I do.
Our monthly outgoings are 2500 (includes food, bills, mortgage, dog walker, broadband etc)
We currently pay £1200 (me) and £1300 him towards these costs-any money over is our own to do what we will with. Obvs DP has more free money as he earns more and has less outgoings (I pay separately for all stuff for my girls-clothes, going out, toiletries etc).
I lost all tax credits and any spousal
Maintenance I was getting from
Ex h when DP moved in-fair enough. So my own income has gone down by about £600.

Does this split on all the bills seem fair or should I be paying an extra £50 to make it absolutely even? What do other people do re splitting costs?

He should be making up what you've lost! He should pay more...what about savings? It's not fair.

He aims to save about £500 a month. In practice it's a bit less probably.I can't save anything at all as I don't have much left by month end.
It was both our choice for him to move in though so I can't really complain about the loss of tax credits/maintenance?

Did you explain how much you’d be loosing?

I’d expect him to offset that cost at a minimum especially giving his much much higher income. I pay a substantial higher amount into the joint pot and I only earn £10k a year more than my partner.

Is that fair though? We aren't married...

He sometimes picks up extra groceries on the way home (so not out of our allocated food budget that he's already paid into), usually just bread and milk-not a lot of stuff through occasionally the big shop.
This really irritates him-but to me that's just normal life. I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or not.

He's never lived with anyone before and I was preoccupied married. My exh was a lot of shitty things but was not right with money at all-so we come at it from very different vantage points I guess in terms of life experience.

When he rented he was probably £100 a month better off in terms of bills and food costs etc. But then he now lives in a bigger house so to my mind he's kind of getting more for his money really.

*previously married.

Jesus. Not *Tight with money!!

We put wages in joint account, have the same amount of pocket money each otherwise everything shared, DH earns twice as much as me now but I took the career hits to have the DC.

Are you renting or do you own the house?

Sorry, why has your ex stopped paying maintenance?!

DH earns twice as much as me now but I took the career hits to have the DC.

He is not the father of the op’s children.

We own the house.
Ex has stopped paying spousal maintenance on the basis that I now Co habit with someone else. He still pays the CMS calculated maintenance for the DD's.

You lost £600 but he’s contributing £1200 to household costs so unless he’s made your outgoings skyrocket you’re still better off with him there so losing the benefits/ maintenance seems fair.

If you both work full time then I would split household costs based on your ratio earnings, so if he earns £200 for every £100 you earn he pays £200 for every £100 you pay towards household bills.

After the household costs have been covered i’d say all of the childcare/ children related costs are down to you and ex to cover rather than DP.

Sorry, why has your ex stopped paying maintenance?!

And this.
Did he presume that your dp will make up the shortfall?

All child related costs are covered by me already. He is no way contributes to one odd things, but then I guess he contributes to our food budget which is larger as there are two kids to feed out of it iyswim?

The spousal maintenance stopping is I'm told, fairly common when the receiving person moves in with someone else. I didn't have the energy or funds to argue that one with exh).

We both work full time.

So you and your dp own the house you now live in ie both of your names on mortgage and deeds?

Sorry- were you living in the same house before- so to totoro's point- were you paying mortgage/dog walker/broadband on your own before? so are you saving costs at the same time as losing income?

extra groceries- why don't these just come out of the joint account?

what is he saving for ? rainy day? holiday? how is he going to feel if he gets to wanting a holiday and you haven't any savings- if he'd just pay for it for all of you that seems reasonable (he's effectively saving for all of you) - if this means that you don't go (he goes on his own or you all don't go)- that seems stupid.

Before kids DP and I used to pay for rent/general expenses roughly in line with our income - but I would pay for anything extra

He rented before, I lived in what had been my marital home.l, ex h having moved out previously.
I used my half of the equity from the sale
Of that to fund the extra cost of the house DP and I live in now. (we have a legal
Agreement that if we sell it then the same percentage of any equity comes back to me before the rest is divided between us-which of course assumes equity but that's the risk of house buying I guess).
Our current house needs a lot of work. He says he is saving for that. But at the same time has said he won't be prepared to pay for more than half of the cost of the work (ergo the work won't be getting done because I won't be able to afford my half for the foreseeable future).

Sorry to answer the other question-in my old house the mortgage was less and I didn't have dog walking costs, plus I had said tax credits and spousal maintenance and was earning slightly more (I've changed job since as contract was lost where I worked before), so I was able to manage on my own.
New house has a slightly bigger mortgage and I now earn less (plus less tax credits and maintenance) so I Would struggle (but could just about still) manage it on my own.

I think 50/50 when not married but given there are three of you and one of him I would expect to pay less.

The tax credits and spousal maintenance are nothing to do with him and he should have to make them up. However given his contributions are: way more than those you should be better off than your were before.

If you want extra spending money you can look at moving jobs rather than rely on others.

I don't rely on others. I haven't at any point said I do. My question was how other people split things-he currently pays out £100 more than me a month, I don't know if I should be paying half of that £100 🤷🏽‍♀️.

My dp earns about 4 x more than me. He covers the mortgage. I cover the bills and food. But whenever we go on holiday, need any home improvements, meals out and so on he will pay. I still have a lot less money monthly but I can't complain

We split all ‘joint expenses’ like house bills, joint holidays, food bills, etc exactly fifty-fifty. Then we each have our own wages to spend on personal items. It does mean that someone’s always got more pocket money, but it seems to work.

If the £100 difference is an issue for your partner, I would pay up - splitting things 50:50 is kind of the safe default IMO. If he hasn’t mentioned it, I wouldn’t worry about it unless it’s bothering you.