If you were married to me, would this bother you?

[PeachesMcLean]

DH and I are about to get a joint mortgage for the first time. We're really lucky in that my mum has given us a huge sum towards the new house. She's made it quite clear that this will come off the Will when she eventually goes and I know she's only got that money because of when my dad died (and his hard work in saving it). It's actually one fifth of the value of the new house so a fair chunk!

Now, I've suggested this next bit to DH before and he's joked about me making him sign a "post nup" (instead of a pre-nup) but it's come to the crunch now and I need to decide whether to push it:

My plan is to get him to sign to be a Tenant in Common so that should we split up, the first fifth of the house is mine and we then split the rest. Whilst I don't Really think he's about to run off with someone else, I don't want to run the risk that if he did do that, he'd get half of my mum's money. I guess in the back of my mind I am aware that DH has been irresponsible with money in the past and I don't want to think that he could get this.

Am I Evil Wifey?

No, sensible.

won't work if you're married because he's legally entitled to half .. he's your husband

so I'd forget it Peaches

i thought it made no difference if you were married? i can see your point but i would still be offended

i an not sure there is any point if you are married.

I can also see your point - but I'd be offended too.

Personally I think he is your husband and whatever you have whether your or his contribution is equally yours.

as well as it not being legal it really isn't right either

I put a huge chunk into this house (1/3rd asking price) from sale of my flat (bought before we married although DH was my first and only paying lodger) .. I would never dream of doing something like this Peaches .. its just plain wrong

equal. what did you say in your vows?

How would you feel if did the same to you?

Sorry, think it's an awful idea.

Have to say, I agree with everyone else.
Sorry.

Bricks and mortar doesn't have anything to do with marriage.

It's sensible, in it's way, but I'm a bit more concerned why you feel the need to do it. It wouldn't cross my mind with my old man.

doesn't matter if you are married or not. Lots of people do it especially with 2nd marriages. For example you may be married to your husband but have children from a previous relationship. So you do have a tennants in common on the property register. But it is with the solicitor what the shares are. (25% - 75% or 1/3 - 2/3 for example)Should anything happen then this will be sorted out in accordance with the declaration of trust.

Hope this makes sense.

Not that I am agreeing or disagreeing with you, just helping to clarify - I hope

I guess there is a lot of history to this. We don't have a joint account. I manage all the bills and they're all in my name. He acts like a lodger and gives me a monthly cheque to cover his share. He's inheriting a much smaller amount of money but disagrees with me on what he should do with it (in fact told me it wasn't my business). Now, our money relationship is a whole big issue and this is just one part of it. However, we're not about to solve it in three easy steps, so I just feel like I'm protecting my mum's money in this. And given that it's so much, and you can't predict the future, it just seems sensible.

Err - I think it's fine.

Tight paperwork equals less hurt feelings when it comes to mixing money and emotions. Get it drawn up as Fio suggested that your mum is entitled to her deposit back if you sell the house. Even if it is weak in the law, you would have had the benefit of having some kind of mutual understanding up front.

I think when you are married and parents give you money you need to look at it as them giving both of you money.

If your mother isn't happy giving you both this money then she shouldn't give at all.

If you're not happy to accept a gift to both of you then say no.

I like FioFio's suggestion but if mum retains ownership of that portion, wouldn't it effect her inheritance tax threshold? That's one of her reasons for wanting to give it to us now.

I'm not saying no, you should see the house!!! SOOOOOOO excited.

I definitly would.

When I split with dh, we split 50% of the equity AFTER taking off the money my Dad gave me to buy the house before getting married.
So you don't automatically get 50/50 in a divorce settlement.

AND I would definitly get some sort of prenup. At the moment, with dp, we have the (whatever it is agreement) set up of the property, whilst being in both our names, but if sold due to a split 20%his and 80mine due to our finances before getting together.

Unfortunately couples don't ALWAYS stay together, and unfortnately couples don't always contribute fairly (finacially of otherwise)

It is a difficult one as if you don't trust him why marry him, but you are also sensible to cover yourself as it is your Mum's money at present. I think you should see a solicitor who could draw something up linked to the money, rather than if he leaves you scenario.

Now that's interesting Panicpants. Is this something I can just ignore and worry about it If the worst happens? ie, it wouldn't have to be a 50/50 split if we split? How would I go about proving the gift in many years time? (other than showing this thread in the divorce court of course!)

'Declaration of Trust' panicpants

(I do love my husband BTW, we've just got a bit of a peculiar financial relationship)