Please, look at my budget. What, if anything, can I do?

[SeraphinaR]

NC.

Been going through my monthly budget and things aren't looking great.

Mortgage, Ins, Maintenance, etc. £1071

Electric, Gas, Water, Council Tax £278

Cars £96

TV, Broadband and Phones £100

Total is £1545

Then there's

Food £500
Fuel £250
Nursery Fees are either £292 or £363

All together that's £2658 using the highest Nursery fees figure, without any savings for Birthdays, Christmases, Clothing, Emegencies, etc.

Our joint income is £2600. Occasionally DH might earn slightly more if he gets a small efficiency related bonus but it can't be relied upon but some months it would seem we may be -58 short if DH makes no bonus and we have the higher month of Nursery fees.

I'm going to look into a second job. It isn't a route I wanted to go down but things just aren't comfortable as it is.

Any suggestions?

Look at the Monzo Bank - helps tract spending and savings etc plus free overdraft - all via your phone

Ineednewshoes is right - nobody has it all cracked and if they tell you they have they're probably lying!

I'm good on budgeting, benefits and similar because as a single mum especially when I became a disabled single mum unable to work, I needed to be!

But my house is often a tip! And that's even with ocd! Because the ocd often makes me avoidant plus the physical disability buggers me.

Dd has grown up having to help and at times I feel SO GUILTY about that. Sometimes she moans or brings it up in a row, but then other times she says she's glad she's able and confident to do all chores and that she sees how entitled and spoilt some of her friends/peers are and is glad I didn't raise her like that. There are some jobs I hate that she does and vice versa.

"That'll do"
"Good enough" are phrases used in this house.

Life is seriously too Fucking short to strive for perfection in everything - that's something my breakdown taught me!

At the time I was a single mum managing a home, dealing with an arsehole ex playing silly buggers with our divorce, working part time and studying full time (and attending every lecture and every seminar and working bloody hard to get good marks)...and it was all just too much and something had to give! And what gave was my mh! You DON'T want that to be true for you!

If the basics are covered that's fine, if the house, kids, you aren't always spotless - so bloody what?! There's a quote I've seen a lot on mn and its so true I'm not sure if the origin though

"Everybody fed nobody dead, means it was a good day"

Are you doing EVERYTHING? What does dh do apart from work? What do his teens do when they're over? Because actually being part of a family means doing the dull, menial stuff that nobody wants to do too and actually contributed to people feeling more part of a family than a visitor.

My closest friends are the ones who know where the kettle is and will spontaneously do the dishes or put something where it belongs, the ones I know where their stuff goes in their house, what their kids are into at the moment and I'm comfortable tidying something away or making their kids a snack if they're busy - because that's what family does.

Dds stepmum "got this" but her dads an arse and wouldn't let her do stuff - that just made her feel unwelcome and not really part of the family. She loved when her dad was called into work when she was there and her stepmum would let/have her helping with her younger siblings, tidying up or making a drink/snack without having to ask. Made her feel wanted, welcome and part of the family.

Friends of mine who were step kids have similar stories of how they knew they were seen as part of the family once they were trusted with some chores and responsibilities at the nrps home - even if they board at the time.

Moaning is part of family life too. As are fallings out, teasing, laughing at mistakes made and learned from (like the soup I made that could have been used to cement bricks! Or dds chilli that could have served as dynamite from how spicy it was!😂😂)

Can the teen DC cook? Even simple meals? Good practice for them and they could even teach you their signature dish, bet they'd be pleased as punch to do this!

Can dh cook? Even my dad (not the most enlightened!) can even make fab omelettes, comes up with ingenious toastie fillings and used to make a lush slow cooked rice pudding.

I've not done delia but when I first married (slightly younger than you) my then mil gave me a book her mil had given her which contained excellent clear instructions for basics (white sauces, gravy, all the different pastries, basic cake mixes) and included short cuts and "rescues"

As I say I'd grown up with 3 women who cooked showing me loads but pre-Internet it was very handy when I couldn't remember proportions/amounts of ingredients or needed a "rescue" and also contained a few slightly "fancier" items which my mum and grans wouldn't have cooked or not often enough for me to feel confident doing -spicier dishes like curries and chillis, fancier cakes and pastries etc plus mil had marked then husbands favourite dishes (she'd annotated throughout, little tweaks for her families preferences, whether it froze well etc) I lost this book in a house move (after divorce) which was so annoying as there were a couple of dds favourites in it which I've been unable to find matching recipes anywhere. Plus it was fun to look at for the dated "odd" recipes - salmon in aspic anyone? 😂

Re reducing food waste - most veggies can be thrown in soups, stews, casseroles and chillis if they're past their best. With soups it's a great way of sneaking "disliked" veg into fussy kids! I've been sneaking spinach, cabbage and kale into dd via these for years! If you asked her she'd say she hates all 3 and never eats them 😂

I wonder also if you're overly cautious on dates? Lots of people are or don't understand the markings on food, plus manufacturers tend to be quite cautious (to avoid being sued but also means people throw out more and spend more replacing!)

"Best before" is only a guideline regarding quality of the product, it's perfectly safe to use after the date by several days, just might not quite taste as nice (though to be honest most people can't tell any difference!). Use your eyes and your nose to suss out if food ok to use not just printed dates.

Use by" is a safety thing, and you're meant to not use food after this date, but it's an inexact science anyway and as you gain confidence and experience you'll learnt to trust your own instincts on this. Also many items if getting close to/at the date can be stuck in the freezer to keep for longer.

The 3 areas you do need to be cautious are "the 3 p's" - poultry, prawns (meaning actually fish and seafood) and pork. These are the worst offenders for food poisoning so "if in doubt chuck it out"

Could your husband advertise for someone to share the car journey to work, and they chip in with diesel?

Maybe not appropriate for you as you don’t live near public transport but you could rent out your driveway.

Friend worked out she was about £70 per month short each month after her divorce.

She had cut everything to the bone and hadn’t even put anything aside for treats or holidays etc.

I suggested letting out her front (which has parking for 3 cars because she is close to an airport.

She rents the spots out at £5 per day and they are always full.
So from £70 down she is now £230 up each month.

She is now thinking about Airbnb for one or 2 of her bedrooms.

Thanks again, everyone, for all the helpful advice. Sorry I haven't been back. I'm just really struggling with things at the moment.

I'm not surprised you're struggling OP, you've got a lot on your plate.
Have you managed to tackle any of the suggestions on this thread? If not, do you think you could block out 30 minutes this week to explore 1 task?

@SeraphinaR Glad to see you Seraphina. I sent you a private message.

@LiverpoolVictoria I'd love a pm re a company name please.

Get a part time job at a supermarket that offers staff discount whilst DH is at home.

@SeraphinaR - we're all rooting for you and are here to help with suggestions. Tackle one thing at a time, and if you're finding decision-making difficult, pop the choices on here and we can help you.

Remember you're not shit, you're young and learning. We've all been there - nobody is born knowing how to do this all. It's hard - and you're coping so well with so much.

@SeraphinaR
I was looking for that part time Tescos evening job you were considering. Did you know that ALL employees get the discount card, so you can save 10% on your shopping straight away.

So 7,5 hours/week with no childcare cost +£50 a month off your shopping more than breaks you even and will allow a small amount of saving each month for emergency repairs etc.

Hi all, thanks so much for supporting me. Its been a tough few days but I've got the weekend to have a look at all these ideas and make some plans as how best to make the changes. We have had some good news, the job my DH was offered but the pay was too low, they have now come back with a new offer, matching his current wages but the job is only 1 mile from home so the savings on fuel would be astronomical! Downside is he has a six month notice period at his current place so we wont see the results of this any time soon. Dh is also going to look into buying cars and fixing them to sell on. So, now it's my turn to be productive and make some changes to help us!

Notatwork, will have a look at my messages tonight, thank you! usually just use the talk app on phone and dont check messages

Could you get a lodger at all? .This may help you short term.Also our area has foreign language students ,who stay for a short term can specify boys or girls with both I think.usual pay around £100 to £150 p/w .

This includes Breakfast(cereal or toast)and an evening meal (maybe something in slow cooker )spag bol and so on .

Does your income include tax credits?

Lidl’s/Aldi pay their staff well and mostly part time. Evening work would be better. Definitely need a fuel efficient car for DH and the good budget is big, cook big pasta dishes when teenagers are there; no separate meals.

Could your dh contest the notice period? That seems bizarrely long for his kind of role and is probably only in place to put him off wanting to leave! What is in his contract for notice from the employer? They should be the same.

Keep Netflix, it's worth any penny. I think it actually saves me money because it stops me boredom shopping.

The food bill is the main problem. I am sure you could almost halve it. Keep your food bill low by not eating meat. Work out which meals are the cheapest and try and eat more of them. Work out where you can buy the cheapest of everything, then buy in bulk so you don't have to go to lots of different supermarkets every week. If something is really cheap, buy lots (check dates though). If something is expensive, don't buy it. Always keep a good store of cheap basics. A bag of 29p pasta tastes exactly the same as 99p pasta.