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Original poster

Is it weird not to have a joint a/c when married?

37 replies

chummymummy7 · 08/03/2019 21:21

DH is the breadwinner, I do a small amount of freelance work and home educate the kids full time, one is special needs.

We have separate current accounts, DH gets his (modest) salary paid into his a/c - from here he pays mortgage, bills, insurance, council tax, takeaways. From my a/c I buy all groceries, housecleaning products & all the children's things including tutoring, therapy, activities, educational supplies and also my own mobile bill.

Mentioned this to a friend today and she was amazed that DH doesn't give me an allowance/amount for housekeeping or that I don't have access to a joint account for domestic/kids' stuff. Our mortgage is fairly low so he must have some leftover cash each month. Recently I got fairly overdrawn and he made quite a big deal of giving me 2k to "bail me out". Any thought welcomed.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 08/03/2019 21:25

It sounds as if you don’t have full knowledge about his income. That is the issue rather than separate bank accounts

BoomTish · 08/03/2019 21:26

I’ve been married for 11 years and we’ve never had a joint account. It works perfectly for us.

That said, we earn fairly similar amounts so we have equity anyway. I wouldn’t be happy not having a joint account within a marriage where finances weren’t comparable, and where I’d have to be “bailed out”.

LovingLola · 08/03/2019 21:27

And I would not be impressed with a big deal being made of ‘bailing you out ‘. That’s not good

curiositycreature · 08/03/2019 21:29

We have no less than 50,000 bank accounts between us - some joint and some our own. Money seems to flow freely between them depending on what we have going on. I know people who combine everything and some who separate everything. It’s whatever works. But as PP said, being “bailed out” seems a tad peculiar in a marriage. Surely if you’re a team, you either fail together or succeed together?

LittleBearPad · 08/03/2019 21:30

I don’t think it’s the lack of joint account per se but the fact you don’t have visibility of his earnings or financial position.

How do you know things are fairly split. For all that you do but your limited earnings you seem to be picking up a lot of bills. And you were £2k overdrawn when he had cash to solve this.

MadauntofA · 08/03/2019 21:33

We have a joint account to cover all bills, but split the amount we each put into it based on our slightly different incomes. Then separate accounts for personal spending. Maybe you need to look at what you are actually spending, as your outgoings sound quite varied but significant, and show DH. If you are providing all home and schooling for your kids, then that needs to be taken into account by DH. Are both of you able to save a similar amount at the end of the month, or is he saving and you spending everything?

PRoseLegend · 08/03/2019 21:33

We have separate accounts but access to each others and to a mutual savings account which we dip into when needed.
All our resources are shared, as long as we don't take the piss or spend stupid amounts of money.
I'm on mat leave, partner is the breadwinner, but I do all the shopping for the family. DH has never complained about me getting food or nappies or clothes if we need it. We do expect each other to limit our social and fun money though, and discuss big purchases with each other.

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 08/03/2019 21:40

I don't think it matters whether you have a joint account or not. The worry is if things aren't fair and transparent. It doesn't sound like they are in your case, which is something that maybe needs addressing.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 08/03/2019 21:50

As others have said, the joint account is a red herring.
Your DH is in effect hiding his financials from you. Probably has a big savings account and you clearly don't have enough coming in to cover your outgoings.
Of course you should have money when you need it and if he had been fair financially the debt wouldn't have built up to 2k in the first place.

ItsalwaysLTB · 09/03/2019 15:22

Coming up to 8 years married and only just thinking about joint accounts now. Dh was the main breadwinner and I earned a small amount per month. I had full transparency as to what came in and went out though, plus half the savings in my name and a joint cc to put all savings on.

That saying I also had to be 'bailed out' a couple of times, once to the tune of around £2k. He did go on about it a bit but to be fair his point was I had no need accumulate thisbon my personal cc when I had the joint to spend on (I had some adjustment issues to not earning...)

ItsalwaysLTB · 09/03/2019 15:23

Spending not savings!

SnuggyBuggy · 09/03/2019 15:25

I don't see a desperate need for one given that married couples can transfer money between each others accounts without tax or charges.

We only bothered recently, it has child benefit going into it and we call it the petty cash.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 09/03/2019 15:25

If you hadn’t mentioned the “bailing you out” thing I’d have said it’s a weird yht when you’re married with children you don’t have a joint account of any form.

However the “bailng you out” comment smacks if financially controlling behaviour.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Silversky70 · 09/03/2019 15:31

We have our own bank accounts but we also pool all money and have a spreadsheet each month. We divide what's left after bills for our own spends. I think you need to have a conversation about transparency and fairness.

jackparlabane · 09/03/2019 15:33

As others said, it's the lack of knowledge of your joint family income and expenditure that's the problem. Him paying big bills and you paying smaller ones might be perfectly fair, but if you don't know that (and are getting overdrawn), that's the issue.

DH and I have never had a joint account as some bank made it difficult back when we moved in together and internet banking makes it unneccessary - we wang a few 100s each way as needed. But I see payslips, bank statements, and I get the joint credit card bill, so I know what the overall picture is and we discuss any expenditure over £100 before doing it.

KatharinaRosalie · 09/03/2019 15:38

Joint accounts as such - not strictly necessary. I do find it peculiar though to be a family and one person getting into overdraft because of family expenses, while other has cash left over.

SmallFastPenguin · 09/03/2019 15:40

All your household and childcare expenses should be joint using both your incomes, and the leftover money after that should be fairly shared out or saved. It doesn't matter how you do this but it must be fair.

NameChangeNugget · 09/03/2019 15:40

Joint accounts can be great until something goes tits up. 50% of marriages end in divorce so there’s a lot of people, negatively impacted by the rules of joint & several liability and dragged down by their ex’s.
Been married 30+ years and never had a joint account despite DH suggesting it, when we got married.
I think your issue is the not knowing, not the lack of a joint account

Custardo · 09/03/2019 15:44

add up add finances

add up all income

find the diposable income

split in half

if this means he puts omething into your account - this is NOT an allowance my frind, it is your fair share

i ddont have a bank account with dh - been married 30 years.

SospanFrangipan · 09/03/2019 15:44

We have a joint account (narrows 3 years, together 14), but never use it! All that ever goes in there is birthday/Xmas money! I pay the household bills from my wage, and we live off hubbys. Works fine for us :)

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/03/2019 15:46

I’m married and we don’t have a joint account.

We do however have full disclosure about income and expenditure, neither of us are better off than the other

DuchessAnnogovia · 09/03/2019 15:50

We both have joint accounts, as he earns much more than me he pays the big bills and I sort out the small ones and the shopping. We both know exactly what each other earns, and if I'm running low in my account he transfers money into it. We both know each others PIN numbers, and internet banking details. It's worked for 6 years so far, and we've not felt the need for a joint account.

moosesormeece · 09/03/2019 15:54

We don't have a joint account because DH haemorrhages money if given the chance, but we both know what the other earns and have done proper calculations to fairly and proportionally determine who pays what. DH transfers me his share of our joint outgoings on payday and everything then comes out of my account.

I suppose I might be a bit shitty if he spent his share of the bill money on something frivolous and I had to cover more myself, but given that you seem to be paying a lot of essential joint costs (food and child stuff) from your limited income I bet that's not what's going on here.

OhTheRoses · 09/03/2019 15:55

28 years no joint account. When DC small DH paid for everything. I just gave him a bill at the end of the month for food, personal spends, dc spends, etc.

I went back to work in 2003 and said it qould be easier if he gave me £500 for housekeeping as I wanted freedom over my personal spends.

I have never know DHs exact income but it was hard to pin down as self employed.

Dollyparton3 · 09/03/2019 15:57

I'm not married for another few months OP and my DP ana I have a joint account for household bills. It's taken a lot of discussion to fine tune this in the right way as well.

I earn a lot more than my other half and he does the majority of the household shopping, we worked out very quickly that what we were both putting into the joint account was covering council tax, utilities etc but at the end of each month he was running into an overdraft.

We both now put more into the joint account so that groceries are covered as well and he manages to keep "spends" in his account for days like today when he's off watching rugby with his mates.

It shouldn't ever be a discussion that's off the table or a mystery in my view. I happily put in more than my fair share but I know I can afford it.

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