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Original poster

Super stressed on maternity pay

38 replies

firstbubbadue · 20/02/2019 08:17

Just a bit of a rant really !

Im 5 months into my maternity leave and pay. I’m due back in May, it’s my own fault as I didn’t save properly in preparation for the maternity leave but I was t expecting it to be sooo hard !
I have tried to cut down on things like food shopping and going without for things for myself. I enjoy taking my son to baby groups and have been attending mostly free ones with my friends. I feel Im losing my independence as I am still paying for the same bills as I was before mat leave, my partner just transfers me money if I’m getting low. I’ve never had to ask him for money and I hate doing it I feel like he’s resenting me for having to ask.
I half want to go back to work early just to ease the money situation but then absolutely do not want to pass up precious time with ds.
I feel like I’ve cut all I can and do just wondering if anyone wants to join the moan !

OP posts:
LIZS · 20/02/2019 08:23

Presumably it was a joint decision to have a baby so you need a joint account to fund household/child related expenses. Are you claiming child benefit?

Original poster
firstbubbadue · 20/02/2019 08:47

Yes of course. We cannot do it jointly as he earns a fair bit more than I do. I pay the bills and food and he pays the mortgage and council tax

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 20/02/2019 09:01

We cannot do it jointly as he earns a fair bit more than I do

Of course you can do it jointly. All money, child benefit etc goes in one account, and all bills, food, child costs etc come out of this pot. Make sure you account for annual and irregular expenses like holidays, Christmas, insurance, car replacement and then split what's left over 50/50.

You currently system is unfair on you as it could quite easily be the case that mortgage and council tax is about the same or even less than bills and food, I know ours is. Are you planning on going back to work and who is going to pay for childcare?

Whatever you do, the aim should be that you have approximately the same personal spending money.

anniehm · 20/02/2019 09:09

Joint account! Rather than having his money and your money, have joint money - yes you need to ensure you both don't overspend but it's done by budgeting. You are a family, families share

Original poster
firstbubbadue · 20/02/2019 09:18

Thank you. Our mortgage and tax is mostly definitely not more than I pay fortunately! Childcare is sorted, I work in that sector. I don’t understand how you can have similar personal money when he earns near on double? But yes I agree on the accounts will broach that tonight :)

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 20/02/2019 09:19

I feel like I’ve cut all I can and do just wondering if anyone wants to join the moan

Moaning about the situation won't get you anywhere, action is required Smile

I’ve never had to ask him for money and I hate doing it I feel like he’s resenting me for having to ask

You shouldn't have to ask, you should jointly have access to all household money, subject to it being used to pay for essential household expenditure first of course.

Your income is reduced because you are at home looking after your joint child. You are facilitating him going to work without having to think about who will look after his child, so the flipside is that he shares his income with you.

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 09:20

You need a joint account. You're a family now so it's all family money. You should not be paying the same bills while on mat leave and he shouldn't expect you to.

SD1978 · 20/02/2019 09:21

So you both decided to have a child. You earn significantly less than him, and did pre mat leave. You didn't save what you thought you should have (and his pre arrival saving contribution was what exactly). You're now, whilst raising his child, still trying to pay the same, and feel he's shortly and having to 'support' you. He needs to increase the amount he inputs financially to the house. 50/50 if not on a comparable wage, is not 50/50.

Shmithecat2 · 20/02/2019 09:25

I've been a SAHM for over 3 years. My dh is a high earner. I don't have to ask for money because it's not 'his', it's 'ours'. You're at home looking after a child that is BOTH your financial responsibilty, but it's only you making the financial sacrifice at the moment. That's not right.

Fortheloveofscience · 20/02/2019 09:26

Joint account, or at the beginning of the month he transfers you enough to cover the bills and food costs.

Original poster
firstbubbadue · 20/02/2019 09:28

Maybe I’ve worded this terribly ! He absolutely doesn’t expect me to do anything least of all leave myself short. I think I’ve painted my partner in a bad light here ! He is saving for our wedding in the midst of all this. Think it was a case of why change bill accounts for the sake of 9 months he just transfers me enough to cover all and more ! People have a disjointed view of men on here !

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 20/02/2019 09:28

Dh and I earn "family money" - we both work hard and although our sectors pay differently we believe we are equal worth so all money goes into one pot. There was a time I worked minimal hours as we had 3dc under school age so dh earned a lot more but I cared for our dc so worth equal and his pay was ours not his. He still earns more than me but only about 15k more. All our money is shared. We are equals in our relationship.

Essentially you have to find what works for you but how come he gets to have a dc and keep same job position where as you have to ask him for money and feel guilty for not working while on mat leave? That's not right!

elizalovelace · 20/02/2019 09:29

My husband earns 3 times more than I do, I work part time, my kids live with us but all the income, ie our wages and child benefit go into one pot....( we have no other income) .There is no 'his and her' monies. We are a family, a partnership, we share equally.

Loseitandkeepitlost · 20/02/2019 09:30

How much has his pay gone down whilst you’re on maternity leave? Why is the responsibility solely yours?

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 09:35

You said you feel like he is resenting you for asking for money and that you didn't get you should have equal money because he earns more.... people can only offer advice based on the information you give.

notapizzaeater · 20/02/2019 09:35

You shouldn't need to be asking him for money, you're a family now, it should be joint money

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 09:35

*didn't feel

NightlyCircus · 20/02/2019 09:39

For the sake of maternity leave we’ve always operated a joint account. Sometimes I’ve been the high earner and sometimes DH. I love a spreadsheet so I’ve always accounted for all essential outgoings before calculating available spends.

Unless the wedding is booked, maybe you could take a few (3?) months break from saving to ease the pressure on your current finances?

Weddings are great, but they’re just one day, whereas months with DC and not having to worry about cash could be more precious?

Original poster
firstbubbadue · 20/02/2019 09:40

Yes I feel like it-not that he is. ‘I wasn’t looking’ for advice I was having a moan as I stated. Anyhow this doesn’t feel like ‘advice’ but thanks anyway all.

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 20/02/2019 09:41

You needs to sit down and work out a proper budget together where you both have separate ring fenced pocket money for personal use, seperate to family use (bills and anything child related).

If he is reasonable like you say then situation can easily solved with a bit of communication.

Hollowvictory · 20/02/2019 09:41

All money is shared. Pooled, bills paid and you each have the same spending money. Its normal to sort this before get pg. You shou have access to the same money as he does.

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 09:42

Why is it not advice? It's all very sensible advice. You don't have to take it but most of us have been where you are and are just explaining how we made it work.

CostanzaG · 20/02/2019 09:44

Money can be tight when on mat leave but you should both have access to the same money. That is only fair

BarbaraofSevillle · 20/02/2019 09:45

As I said above, moaning about being skint won't change things, so I don't see any point 'just having a moan' when your OP indicated that money was not being shared fairly within your household.

The 'saving for a wedding' was a fairly significant drip feed too - if your DP is saving some or all of his excess money to pay for your wedding, obviously that needs to be taken into account in the whole his/her/family money scenario as it's clearly a joint cost, but I would question the need for a wedding so expensive that it needs saving for, if you are struggling for money.

Getting married is an excellent idea while you are in such a financially vulnerable position, but that costs about £100 to pop down the registry office, and you can do it as soon as you get an appointment.

Rubberduckies · 20/02/2019 09:46

Joint account definitely the way to go. I've been the higher earner up till now, but l'll be taking a years mat leave from May. Makes absolutely no difference because all our incomings go into the joint bar about a hundred each, all our outgoings come out of the joint, anything left over gets put into the savings. We generally use the joint for any random spending. We'd ask each other if we wanted to buy something expensive but otherwise it's all just our money.

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