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Original poster

my son not eating the food at nursery what should i do?

38 replies

robsters · 30/01/2019 12:09

so we put our son into a nursery they insist on no pack lunch and that we pay for food however he not eating it there and now there getting funny with me that the invoices they sent for the food are not paid yet but given he only start 7th jan being a business owner myself usually you have the right to pay within 30days and its not even 30 days yet since first invoice and already invoicing me again for feb again for food he not even eaten yet, advise on what i should do because feels wrong my son hungry all day and me paying for food he not even getting benefit of and we have to make him lunch as soon as he gets home as he telling us his tummy hurts.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 30/01/2019 12:12

They are providing food that you have agreed to pay for.
The fact that your son is not eating it doesnt mean that you don't have to pay for it, its part of the package.
You need to work with them to try and work out why your son isnt eating it and if anything can be done to encourage him to.

Womble75 · 30/01/2019 12:14

Most nurseries you pay in advance. Both the ones I used for my DC's were the same.
I've just paid for February fees now. Not all invoices for al businesses are due in 30 days 😒.
Same with after school clubs and lessons - all paid in advance.
In respect of not eating, this is common when they first start. My son ate nothing for the first month so I sent him in with pre made formula just in case:
Now he's eating everything in sight and he's fine. It just takes them time to settle.
Most do not allow packed lunch due to allergies etc.

Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 12:15

yeah well i dont think there trying very hard

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Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 12:15

thanks womble

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InDubiousBattle · 30/01/2019 12:19

Why do you think they aren't trying op?

Clickncollect · 30/01/2019 12:20

Hi Robsters, I know it’s frustrating but I do agree with PP. My son has just started at nursery and is also eating nothing. Fees for February are due by end of January and it hadn’t crossed my mind to not pay the food part as they have allocated the food to him, regardless of whether he eats it or not.
I can’t bear the thought of him being hungry all day and they can’t exactly force him to eat so I’m just hoping it will get better over time.

DrWhy · 30/01/2019 12:23

If you don’t think they are encouraging your son to eat then it sounds like that’s the main problem. If you don’t trust them to care for him well then I’d start looking for a different nursery. The first few days when DS started nursery they called me to come and give him lunch as he wouldn’t eat, he then got a lot better but if he really wouldn’t eat what they were offering they’d try a couple of other options and final case he’d have a bowl of yoghurt and some fruit, which he’d always eat so he was never hungry.

Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 12:36

yeah they told me he ate some yogurt and slice of cake which is better then him being hungry, i am considering a different nursery if things dont improve be the end of the term date in march. its a shame as its closest nursery to us as well as my wife doesnt drive but women who runs if my gut feeling when i met them was just looked at us like we had not much money

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InDubiousBattle · 30/01/2019 12:41

What do you mean by 'if things don't improve'? It's normal to charge for food (and it will have been in their t&c)and a month in advance so I doubt that will change. I can't imagine that they would rather deal with a hungry toddler than a full up toddler so I would bet that they are encouraging him to eat. You're worried that the manager is looking down on you?

Sirzy · 30/01/2019 12:44

They can’t force a child to eat!

You can lead a horse to water and all that.

If you went out for a meal and he didn’t eat it would you expect not to pay?

PazRaz10 · 30/01/2019 12:58

Many children take time to settle at nursery and him not eating may be part of him settling - I'm sure it will come with time. And I'm sure the staff are doing all the encouragement that they can to get him to eat.
I would leave it for a few more months and see what happens, moving him to another nursery could cause even more unsettlement.
You say you are making lunch when he gets home - does this mean he is only there for the morning - if so, I wouldn't worry too much, he won't be starving.
The majority of nurseries charge in advance, especially those who are making food - they have to buy the food in advance. And whether he eats it or not, of course you have to pay. It would be like going to a restaurant, not eating half of your food and deciding to only pay half the bill!

Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 13:48

well paid them for january food will pay for feb on 1st of feb but yeah my feeling all along she just looking down on us i mostly went with them due to my partner being able to work there had lot good reviews but found much nicer nurserys or least easier to deal with people but were all to far away, worst case i have to move him to one where i work but its hour drive away not ideal but least because i work there i know they wont treat me like a piece of shit

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Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 13:48

walk there not work is what i meant

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Loyaultemelie · 30/01/2019 16:11

Most important does your son seem to be settling in and happy? It can take time for a child to eat in a new environment but you say you feel tested like shit, does that feeling extend to how you feel your son is being looked after? If so perhaps he feels the same (subconsciously I'm not suggesting a nursery age child feels discriminated against just perhaps not made welcome) and that's why he isn't eating because he doesn't feel happy there? Finding a nursery that's the right fit can be a nightmare there is an excellent nursery right next door to Dd1s school but she went for some trial sessions and it was a disaster so we ended up going further away and paying more. Now dd2 is nursery age we wouldn't consider anywhere but the second nursery but it makes for more awkward pick ups and drop offs

Isleepinahedgefund · 30/01/2019 19:36

You don’t have the right to pay after 30 days. A business can set whatever payment terms they like. It is customary for childcare providers to require payment in advance.

caughtinanet · 30/01/2019 19:46

I was going to say the same about the right to pay after 30 days that most certainly is not a thing.

Your attitude to the nursery is coming across as very aggressive, lots of small children eat nothing or very little for days weeks or months, you can't make them eat ime and a different nursery probably won't make a difference unless by coincidence.

Original poster
robsters · 30/01/2019 23:42

well i run a business most invoices i get for things say pay within 30 days on them in red letters sometimes some businesses have the right to take upto 90 days to pay invoice i give out to them, so demanding i pay this on day i get the invoice is a little to much and they didnt even leave bank details or any way to pay them which was even more insane. as for aggression thats coming more from them as a parent ofcourse bound to be very upset / concerned hearing our little one saying his tummy hurts after 6 hours there, she did not need to act in such uncaring way her email was far to blunt and clearly just looking down on us as we cant give them as much money or hours as some parents around here due to being quite a well off area, just pure snobbery i bet if i was showing up in a bmw he there 5 days a week 52 weeks a year she be bending over backwards for us, money more important then the child i can tell it makes my blood boil as it would any parent as i want my son to be settled, they already telling me we have to reapply each term time and cant guarantee his place and to guarantee it for next year we have to pay more money over summer hols, its just all BS to me

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LovingLola · 30/01/2019 23:46

What information were you given about payments when you signed up?

Littlefish · 30/01/2019 23:54

It sounds to me like you need to find a new nursery for your child.

However, can I suggest that before you accept a place at the next nursery, you take take to familiarise yourself with their terms and conditions and read your contract carefully.

Nurseries and other businesses are allowed to set their own invoice terms.

Many nurseries charge a retainer over the holidays if you want your child to attend term time only.

Nurseries are allowed to charge for food, and insist on no packed lunches.

I agree with a previous poster that you are coming across as very aggressive. Perhaps what you are reading as a rude tone in the owner's email was simply her being absolutely clear with you as you don't seem to understand the way that nursery contracts work.

A nursery is a group setting. If you are looking for a highly personalised approach, you might be better off looking at a nanny or childminder.

Fiddie · 30/01/2019 23:58

I doubt it's anything to do with what car you drive!

Everyone will be on the same payment terms.

DaisysStew · 31/01/2019 00:03

My son’s nursery banned packed lunches for many reasons but the most important one was allergies. They don’t have time to police every child’s lunchbox and the safety of other children trumps a parents right to demand packed lunches. My son is a really fussy eater, but he knows that if he chooses not to eat at nursery then he has a long wait until he gets home to eat so now he actually eats better at nursery than at home.

As far as the invoice this is standard. I pay on the first of the month for the month ahead - never in arrears.

If these are your only issues with the nursery then changing to a different one won’t make a bit of difference as the rules will be the same in most places. It has nothing to do with you not driving a BMW, it’s the way nurseries are run.

BackforGood · 31/01/2019 00:14

I agree with all the other replies.
You really are coming across as if you have a massive chip on your shoulder.

The terms are absolutely normal for Nurseries.
The fact he isn't eating is the thing you should be working with the Nursery staff on. Quite a lot of children find eating food that they've not been used to, or presented in a different way, or eating with lots of friends, etc etc different and a little unsettling at first - staff will work with the children to encourage them to eat. Obviously they can't force them.
You are quite within your rights to move your child, but it doesn't mean the issue won't be there at the next Nursery.

You need to lose that massive chip and work with the Nursery.

Phillipa12 · 31/01/2019 05:59

My nursery is term time only, they bill in arrears, 2 weeks before the end of term you get a bill for your contracted hours, this must be paid by the end of the term otherwise your place will not be available going forward and any unused hours are still charged. All letters sent out are standard letter format, so even though some are a little blunt its better than them being vague and people not understanding them. Our nursery manager specifically asks us to read the terms and conditions before signing, it saves confusion, they are a business. You clearly are not happy with the nursery or its terms of business, may i suggest that you check their notice period before removing your child and adhere to it, otherwise i fear you may be up in arms about that too!

CakeMakesMeHappy · 31/01/2019 06:33

My little girl didn’t eat at nursery for a month when she first started (age three).
She was very clear, she didn’t like that I’d gone back to work. It wasn’t easy but we didn’t mention it at all at home and nursery continued to offer her food. Eventually she started eating. It was a tricky start but actually, she benefited so much from her time there and I think it made school dinners very easy! She’s never questioned whether or not she’ll eat them.
Like a previous poster said, is there something in particular they’re putting on meals that he doesn’t like? Gravy for example? It doesn’t take a lot to throw them when they’re little.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 31/01/2019 06:47

You sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. They don’t sound like they have done anything wrong. You come across as aggressive and if you are speaking to them like this I am not surprised they are being blunt.

It matters not how much money you have or what car you drive if you are being rude and aggressive you will not be received very well.