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Original poster

45k at 30 and my friend says she feels poor. AIBU that this is making me frustrated with her?

47 replies

lolagrey · 14/12/2018 14:23

She has her own house, no kids. Lives in a UK city, not London.

She constantly mentions not being able to afford certain things and how she should be on a higher salary.

Argh. Am I being unfair that this frustrates me?!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/12/2018 14:26

I think the use of the word poor is controversial and silly, but of course there will be certain things she can't afford. Just because she is better of than some doesn't mean she should just shut it and be grateful.

I guess you have less disposable income and that's why you're annoyed?

Weezol · 14/12/2018 14:27

YANBU. It sounds quite draining. What are her good points?

Bombardier25966 · 14/12/2018 14:29

Perhaps she can't afford a dictionary to find a more appropriate word?

However much you earn there will be things you can't afford, but that doesn't make you poor. She's either ignorant or has a very limited vocabulary.

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 15:05

Yes she earns more, a lot more. She’ll just comment times are tough and it’s hard nowadays.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/12/2018 15:16

Coul you be envious of her, which is causing part of your frustration?

Marylou2 · 14/12/2018 15:18

If she's paying a mortgage and bills on her own with 45k there's probably nothing left over for fun. She probably works hard and thinks there should be more to life. Do you or other friends have partners to help out?

bramblemouse · 14/12/2018 15:19

Yes, I was going to say - being single on one salary can be hard going even when it’s a good salary.

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 15:36

Other friends do yes. I’m not sure if I am jealous. She always seems to have nice things and do what she likes and obviously has her own house.

I think it’s a lot of money at 30 but maybe I am underpaid!

OP posts:
Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 15:36

It’s the idea that she finds it hard that annoys me. It’s not a hard life getting hair and nails done regularly and never worrying about paying for food!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/12/2018 15:37

Fuck me. You're jealous and then some.

dancingqueen345 · 14/12/2018 15:43

Maybe she thinks you earn similar and so understand?

I earn about that and am a similar age, but I'm single and therefore pay a mortgage, bills, car payments, food shopping etc and it is hugely different than being on that sort of salary but in a couple. I wouldn't say I'm poor but I'm in my overdraft by the end of every month!

TheWorldAsh · 14/12/2018 15:47

@Marylou2 "If she's paying a mortgage and bills on her own with 45k there's probably nothing left over for fun. She probably works hard and thinks there should be more to life. Do you or other friends have partners to help out?"

Thanks for the belly laugh. Unless she's overcommitted on her mortgage or has quite a few other expensive expenses she should have plenty left over.

Lots of higher earners often complain of feeling they've got no money simply due to living a lifestyle ahead of what they earn, or due to poor budgeting and control of expenditure.

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 15:51

My thinking is that someone earning 150k with a stay at home wife and two children would be worse off? So how does that make her look?!

OP posts:
EmeraldVillage · 14/12/2018 15:52

There are several pieces here

Complaining about being “poor”to someone who earns a lot less is tacky

Complaining that she should be paid for may be accurate. If the going rate for her job is really say £55k then she should be paid more. Whether £45k is objectivity a good salary for a 30 year old isn’t the point. However she should consider her audience more carefully as insensitive to whinge about this to significantly lower paid friends

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 15:55

I struggle to see how she can find it hard on that salary.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2018 16:12

Sounds like she doesn't have a very realistic outlook about what's poor/comfortable, essentials, luxuries, normal incomes and spending etc.

Yes, she's paying a mortgage and bills by herself, but mortgages are subject to fairly strict affordability criteria - she's 30, so it's very unlikely she bought in the days of self certification of incomes etc.

She will have plenty of money to pay her mortgage and bills, and have a decent disposable income, so is far from poor.

What does she appear to spend her money on? Car on finance, lots of beauty treatments, clothes, accessories, expensive nights out with dinner and cocktails? How does she do her food shopping - does she eat out a lot? Any expensive holidays/hobbies? Could she be in debt and the payments are starting to bite?

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 17:57

She seems to do what she likes generally. She doesn’t go on many holidays I guess but then she did go away 3 times this year.

Maybe it is jealousy. I just find it astonishing as a single person that 45k can be so little

OP posts:
RockinRobinTweets · 14/12/2018 18:02

She’s obviously not poor but I certainly have felt that I earn a good salary and what it affords me is disappointing.

She’s not rich just because she doesnt struggle to make ends meet and the cost of living is high.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2018 18:53

Op, this isn't your friend is it? You don't like her do you? You're being really bitchy about her.

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 19:45

She was...!

OP posts:
Weezol · 14/12/2018 19:53

Lots of higher earners often complain of feeling they've got no money simply due to living a lifestyle ahead of what they earn, or due to poor budgeting and control of expenditure

Is this the case with your friend?

Original poster
lolagrey · 14/12/2018 20:15

I’m not sure tbh

OP posts:
UserMe18 · 15/12/2018 11:01

Remember a single person earning £45k is likely to have less disposable income than a couple earning similar between them, she will only have £11k tax free, then she has to pay everything out her own money. I'm guessing you don't know her outgoings. If you think she's better off than you gently remind her you're not in the same position and it's frustrating to hear, if she's a friend she will take it on board, but be careful if you're assuming she's better off.

ragged · 15/12/2018 13:12

I was 45yo on salary

AlpineButterfly · 15/12/2018 13:50

It's really tough. My DB has a household income of roughly 90k and we have a household income of less than 25k including tax credit top up . His mortgage is approx. £30 per month more than mine and he complains that they have no money! We aren't flush but we do ok. We also have more children than they do. None of us are in London

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