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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

No money to buy my children Xmas presents

131 replies

proudmum77 · 11/12/2018 19:15

Just after some advice really. We have no money to buy our 3 children (13, 10, 7) any Xmas presents. I have enough this month to pay bills and rent and that's it. So really I'm asking what do I do? I feel such a failure, ashamed that I can't get them anything. I know Xmas is all about family time and love etc. But how are kids going to feel if there is nothing from their parents? I have raked through our stuff and have some stuff up for sale on Facebook but that doesn't seem to be selling. I just don't know what to do..... feel so stressed....so ashamed......a failure

OP posts:
FissionChips · 12/12/2018 14:29

She doesn’t need to beg Xmas presents from Salvation Army or where we else, her children will be getting presents, just not from her.

Stringofpearls · 12/12/2018 14:36

I really feel for you, I think the self made vouchers is a fantastic idea. Pick things that can only be done once the weather is nice so that you have a chance to try and save up for it over the next few months. Also, could you make a few presents for them, just things like their favourite cake or biscuits. Or pit some together like fancying up hot choc with cream and cheap but new mug etc. I know you may need to buy some ingredients but you might have a few bits in already. You have each other, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, presents are not everything and I'm sure you'll come up with something great.

jessstan2 · 12/12/2018 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weleasewoderick22 · 12/12/2018 14:40

Are you at home for Xmas dinner? I saw the One Pound Meals on YouTube and he did a whole Xmas dinner for £1 (each). I'll have a look for the link.
I know how you feel op, I've been there. I phoned the Salvation Army for advice and they came round with some food and small presents for the dc. I decorated the table with pine cones ( wash them first!) and some holly I foraged when out with the dog and a cheap silver spray to jazz them up. I also bought some cheap sweets and put them in bowls.
30 years later the dc say it was the best Christmas they'd ever had! I don't know if they meant it or where trying to make you feel better haha.
As pp said, you are setting an amazing example to your dc about financial responsibility. Good luckThanks

weleasewoderick22 · 12/12/2018 14:41
  • me feel better
MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 12/12/2018 14:44

Hi there,
Just to reiterate: right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board - if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been around. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask everyone to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are - and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

FissionChips · 12/12/2018 14:45

You are going to send her a cheque jessstan2? You don’t even know if this is all a pack of lies.
Ffs, some of you are a scammers wet dream.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 14:46

What Fission said.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 12/12/2018 14:51

To be honest I don't understand why these threads are allowed either. If people genuinely couldn't afford presents they would be astute enough to be able to work out ways of ensuring their children had gifts without posting a thread on the subject.

That aside the ages given in the Op lend themselves to passing on items to siblings. Added to which the children will receive gifts from relatives and friends. I am sure they will have a lot more than many children this Christmas.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 14:52

I don't either to be honest. I don't understand why it can't be like the suicide threads, and they are deleted and the OP provided with links to appropriate sources of help.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 12/12/2018 15:14

Hi OP, definitely contact Food banks. I've donated to them and Xmas Wish this year. I've done a present with each for a teenage boy. They will be able to suggest some way of getting support.

Hope things improve for you in the New Year. I've been in your situation and it's hard.

Marleyschains · 12/12/2018 16:28

Agree.

I think the problem is mumsnet is filled with earnest do gooders- kind intentions but it encourages more and more posts of this nature.

Talkinpeece · 12/12/2018 17:28

Looking at the OP's other posts she clearly needs more RL support than she is getting
but
We have no idea how much her working DH earns or the rest of her finances
and
encouraging her to buy plastic junk at poundland will not make things better

Original poster
proudmum77 · 12/12/2018 17:40

It's not about be8ng astute enough to work out how to get presents, it's about asking for help. Not financial help, but help to see the woods for the trees. After crying myself to sleep on a night, making myself mentally ill with money worries, etc that's before Xmas came looming.....help to know what is out there, that my children won't think the worse of their parents. Some of you on here are so supportive and helpful and I am truly grateful. People saying about the lesson it is teaching my kids has given me strength (though won't be an easy conversation as two of them still believe in santa). It is so good to know when you are at rock bottom there are people out there. But some of you are so judgemental, you don't know me or my situation, you haven't walked in our shoes. Yes my children will get presents but it is heart breaking not being able to give them some from us. How would you feel if it was you? We have no spare money each month to save. We are trying to get sorted but when you are in debt it's hard to get out of. When you can't think straight to think of a way to get a few presents...... I just hope non of you end up in this situation because I wouldn't wish it on anyone.......

OP posts:
dippledorus · 12/12/2018 17:54

I've been there. I've been homeless. I've had no money. None. Sitting in bed all day because I couldn't afford to heat the house. I have been there.

There's things you can do. Go to the HV and get a referral to a food bank. Look for extra hours work, too late probably for this christmas but for next year. Can you work evenings/weekends/other hours around your husband's work?

Have you checked that you are claiming all you are entitled to benefits wise?

Go to CAB/stepchange/christians against poverty (not sure, that last one the name might be wrong) and seek help if you are paying back debt.

Also go to the GP/HV and talk about how you aren't coping with family life. And see what they can offer to assist you.

Hezz · 12/12/2018 17:58

I may have missed this OP but are you or your partner working? Lots of places desperate for seasonal workers at the mo.

Mouseville65 · 12/12/2018 18:18

I havnt read all the replies so don't know if someone has suggested but if you contact your local Salvation Army and explain they help with people in your situation. Years ago my mum called them in your situation and they delivered a box on Christmas Eve with a gift each for me and my two siblings and also some meat potatoes and veg for a dinner. They still offer this service in my area so hopefully they do in yours too.

The best part is I had no idea until my mum told me years later so please don't believe you have to spoil the magic for the two that still believe or that any of your children will remember this as 'that awful christmas'. As long as your together having fun that's what they will remember.

I hope your ok OP 💐

Adviceandguidanceneeded · 12/12/2018 18:23

Do you have family or friends who buy for you ? Have you spoken to them about your current situation? If this was one of my family or friends I'd want too help and have been helped myself.

littlemisssunshine81 · 12/12/2018 18:27

There are some charities and toy banks that collect toys and then distribute them to families who are maybe struggling at Christmas. It’s worth a quick google search for ‘Toy Bank’ and also find your local Salvation Army as they do this too. You can sign up for a Toy Bank donation and they will give you toys for all your kids. I hope you manage to get it sorted and have a lovely Christmas with your family xxx

caringcarer · 12/12/2018 18:36

If you are anywhere near Birmingham i have a shoebox of stuff i did not get handed over in time. So still have it. If you live anywhere near me i can drop off to you.

Talkinpeece · 12/12/2018 18:42

Proudmum
Have you been to see your GP?
Have you been to see your HV?
Have you been to see stepchange?
Because unless you do those things, you'll be starting the same thread for a third year next Christmas.

flossietoot · 12/12/2018 18:45

I am genuinely shocked at the attitude of some posters on this thread. I work for a local charity working in one of the most deprived areas of the UK- we will be delivering 50 toy and food packages in the next few days for people in exactly the same situation- many are in in work poverty! If thousands are having to use food banks, how do you think they also pay for Christmas presents. The amount of ignorance shown is astounding.

Chocolatepeanuts · 12/12/2018 18:47

OP where are you? In NI there is the SVP toy appeal and cash for kids through coolFM where you cam register for a small Christmas present for each kid xx

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 18:50

I think the issue is that MN has so so many (not saying the op is one but there are a fuckton) of scammers who post the "my kids are huddled round a candle sitting on packing cases eating cold beans this last fortnight we have no presents please help" and get money from kind hearted people that many regulars are wary of threads like this.

I really wish they could be closed/deleted and the OP sent standard links to debt charities etc as mnhq do with the suicide threads. This is no more use to the OP than that would be, in terms of practical help.

Talkinpeece · 12/12/2018 18:53

From the OP's posting style I do not think she is a troll
but she is also not taking the advice that has been offered to her over the threads and years.

I am willing to help those who do their best to help themselves.
I cannot help those who will not.