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Original poster

Charging family petrol money?

50 replies

Winterlover123 · 20/11/2018 16:51

I'm not just talking about one off lifts. My partner is doing regular lifts for my mother in law and I don't work due to panic attacks and depression so money is very tight. My partner doesn't work either, we have our own house and a young child. What are your honest opinions?

OP posts:
ghostsandghoulies · 20/11/2018 16:53

What is your MIL's financial status? How much petrol are the lifts amounting to?

dalmatianmad · 20/11/2018 16:56

I can't ever imagine asking a family member for petrol money?
Surely you support each other however you can?
Would she charge you for looking after your young child? No! Didn't think so.

Why doesn't your parter work?

Original poster
Winterlover123 · 20/11/2018 17:04

She owns her own business so she's bringing in over 5000 a month. And he helps out 4 times a week.. I wouldn't mind but she doesn't offer and money is tight already 🙁

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 20/11/2018 17:07

Can she give her son some paid work within her business?

DiveBombingSeagull · 20/11/2018 17:23

Yeah she should be offering. And not just petrol money, running a car is bloody expensive, there is tax, insurance, servicing, MOTs, repairs etc,

LemonSqueezy0 · 20/11/2018 17:27

Could either or both of you get paid work with her, with the lifts as part of the role, and you got out of the financial hole?

adaline · 20/11/2018 17:32

Why does your partner not work?

GertrudeCB · 20/11/2018 17:37

Why does your partner not work? - This ?

Original poster
Winterlover123 · 20/11/2018 19:00

The thing is I don't let people babysit my child as it makes my anxiety absolutely hell. I'm always at home so I always have my child with me 😏 and the reason my partner doesn't work is very personal, I don't feel comfortable sharing on here. 🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterlover123 · 20/11/2018 19:02

I myself always help out with her business too and I do NOT expect paying but when my partner is constantly running his car it costs. I've told my partner if we both worked. It wouldn't be a problem. My parents always offer money if my partner uses his car.

OP posts:
starzig · 20/11/2018 19:06

I really don't think you can ask for money from family member for lifts. However if things are really tight then she can't say much if you choose to get rid of the car.

dalmatianmad · 21/11/2018 19:21

I could not be in a relationship with a man that didn't work, sorry I appreciate the thread isn't about this! Maybe if he worked he wouldn't feel the need to ask for petrol money from his own mother.

If she's got a lucrative business why doesn't he work for her?

feral · 21/11/2018 19:24

Why the obsession with OP's partner not working? Unless you know why you can't judge.

I'd be charging the woman petrol money!

augustboymummy17 · 21/11/2018 19:24

When you say give lifts do you mean to different places where he wouldn't normally go or to where he is also helping out?

NorthEndGal · 21/11/2018 19:29

Is she riding along with him somewhere he is already going, or is she getting him to make special trips?
What would happen if he asked her to pitch in for a tank of gas?

coffeekittens · 21/11/2018 19:33

He should just say to his mum when she next asks for a lift “sorry I can’t do it, money is tight and I don’t have enough to put fuel in the car and it’s costing my in wear and tear” then it’s her choice whether she gives her son money or not. Seems odd her not offering especially if she knows your financial situation.

sunglasses123 · 21/11/2018 19:35

How do you afford to have a child, both not work and run a car?

eggsandwich · 21/11/2018 19:37

When she next asks for a lift maybe your dp could say to her unfortunately as I’m sure you’re aware money is extremely tight for us at the moment so I haven’t got enough petrol in the car to be able to give you a lift sorry.

Hopefully she will take the hint and start paying him to ferry her around.

drquin · 21/11/2018 19:45

Context is everything here.

If he's popping to the supermarket, and his mum needs to go too ..... that's wildly different from being essentially an unpaid driver for his mum's business.

If he's genuinely not going somewhere, then surely he can just say "no" when asked for a lift if it doesn't suit him to do so?

Or depending on the extent on their personal reasons for not working, could he suggest formalising the arrangement and become an employee of his mum's business as a driver?

adaline · 21/11/2018 22:31

Why the obsession with OP's partner not working?

It's a valid question. If he's not working because he's sick/disabled/a carer for OP/their child, that's very different to him not working because he's too lazy. The former, I would sympathise and say he could ask for money, the latter, well, I would say he needs to go out and get a job!

TheBigBangRocks · 22/11/2018 22:03

Charging his own mum petrol would be awful, how selfish.

You both choose not to work and have children, it's not her fault. Your choices are your own.

winterisstillcoming · 22/11/2018 22:05

I think outright honesty is required here. 'Mum I really want to help you but I have to choose between petrol and food'.

LoubyLou1234 · 23/11/2018 05:30

You can charge family members for petrol, my dad used to pick me up from late finishes at work. I gave him petrol money, he wasn't working due to redundancy and then retired. If he does give us a lift somewhere far eg to the airport I would give him money. Petrol isn't cheap.

However it's the other way around. It would depend if the lifts were very regular and how far etc. My dad would offer money without a doubt but I probably wouldn't take it. But then I'm not struggling, maybe she doesn't realise how tight things are?

SorryBaby · 23/11/2018 06:14

Very personal question..but just to get context, are you on benefits? Because, how do you have a car anyway? I always think that a car is a luxury and an expensive one.
Unless it's a disability issue, that's different of-course.
I am stunned that it's acceptable that in a two parent family, neither work! I understand that sometimes MH issues come into play, but there must be something either or both of you could do? There may even be something that would help your MH issues!
I'm always a little suspicious when posters say something is too personal for MN Hmm
It's anonymous, so do tell us- why doesn't your partner work? If he's able to help out his mum then he's able to work?! What about taxi driving??
You may find that you get some useful advice to aid one or both of your transitions back into work.

On the petrol money side of it, if it's a regular thing- she should offer.

SandysMam · 23/11/2018 06:18

She earns 5k a month and you are both on benefits....of course he should ask for petrol money.