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Original poster

Husband lost job - so scared

38 replies

Scaredforsurvival · 24/08/2018 12:12

Husband was working full time earning more than twice what I earn working full time.Now we have to try and survive on the pittance I earn. We can't survive. I am so scared.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I've already contacted Stepchange and am starting the process but I feel like such a failure. I am so ashamed to be in this position. We are in our 40s we should be home owners and enjoying life especially now our children are grown up.

But we are not! Instead my husband is being rejected over and over and over again which I'm sure is because of his age. He will cost too much to employ. It is getting me down.

I have depression and anxiety and can feel myself spiralling down. I can't cope with this for much longer.

Sorry for going on.

OP posts:
TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr · 24/08/2018 12:21

I can't offer much advice, but I can offer a bit of a handhold.

You've started the right balls rolling I think - step change are fab. And a lot of banks are quite understanding about job loss.

Also, as a temporary solution, have you taken a look on The Money Shed? There's some great ideas as to how you can top up your earnings from home. Not a long term solution, but there many be something helpful on there.

ElegantS · 24/08/2018 12:23

Hi,

It is natural to be scared, depressed and anxious but I think you should understand that things will get better in the future. Your husband will probably find a new job and even if it is not that well payed as his previous one will definitely help. Just let time to pass and things will get better

Original poster
Scaredforsurvival · 24/08/2018 12:25

Thank you for replying. I feel so lost right now. I've not heard of The Money Shed but will look it up now.

OP posts:
Omgineedanamechange · 24/08/2018 12:31

Can he do temporary work while he looks for something better. Even if he only earns a fraction of what he was, a fraction of something is better than all of nothing.

Can you look for a better job? When this happened to us I had been working at my old company for 26 years, was completely institutionalised, but found a much better job quite quickly. With DHs temporary work, my better salary, and cutting back on everything we managed to stay afloat for 18months till he finally got a decent, permanent job.

Original poster
Scaredforsurvival · 24/08/2018 12:43

Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it.

I will start looking for a better paid job and he is applying for everything and anything. I can barely think about anything further than today. Luckily it is my day off because I had no sleep last night. I had a panic attack and couldn't stop crying.

I am just feeling overwhelmed by it all.

OP posts:
IsTheRainEverComingBack · 24/08/2018 12:49

In his 40s his age shouldn’t be an issue, it’s prime time. Can you say what sort of thing he does? Why did he lose his job?
Make sure his LinkedIn is completely up to date and has some good detail on it, recruiters really rely on it to find people.

TornFromTheInside · 24/08/2018 13:03

I lost my job working in London, 6 figure salary, but commuting from Manchester. My industry sort of collapsed and so I was fighting for jobs with many others most of whom lived near London.

My age and salary not mention location all worked against me. I was applying for jobs on 1/4 of my previous salary and that still worked against me as I was being interviewed by people who assumed I'd use them as a stepping stone until I found something better.

Eventually the cost of attending interviews became an issue too...

It got so bad, I had to start my own business just to try and make at least some sort of money.

In my industry, being over 40 was suddenly ancient. Young people were 'inventing' ideas I had been involved in 10 years prior, but had no idea had already been done.

It can be soul destroying. I never fully recovered from the experience but it taught me a lot too. If wasmtomever employ someone now, I'd be looking for a very different set of attributes than those I used to consider were important.

TornFromTheInside · 24/08/2018 13:04

Typing via phone, please excuse typos!

Seniorschoolmum · 24/08/2018 13:21

Op, take a deep breathe and try not to worry. Your dh has decades of valuable experience. At 40 he is in his prime in terms of earning potential. He will get another job shortly, I am sure.
In the meantime you can support him by encouraging him, showing you have confidence in him, by cutting back on unnecessary expense.
There are other things you can do if necessary like go interest only on your mortgage until he is earning again, not renewing subscriptions, sharing a car etc.

I’m a single mum so only one income and mid 50s. I was made redundant twice in 2015. It takes a level head and a bit of determination but you will both be fine. Brew Cake

TornFromTheInside · 24/08/2018 13:21

I can remember bullshit interviews too...

Had an interview for BAE Systems. I did not apply, they supposedly headhunted me to bring more modern thinking to their processes. A full 2 day interview process, role play, psychometric etc etc. They promised to reimburse the cost of overnight accom etc.

Went through the entire process only for it to be patently obvious that me plus one other 'outsider were just added extras to legitimise the internal recruitment. The other outside and I had no experience of nuclear submarines, but they knew this and allegedly wanted us from other hi-tech industries to bring in more modern ideas. All of the questions were about existing processes, all of the problem solving exercises were littered with acronyms that only internal candidates could know etc etc.

They never paid the expenses either.

It became typical in the end.

Original poster
Scaredforsurvival · 24/08/2018 13:24

He works in IT. He lost his job when his company merged with another. They got rid of the entire IT department and replaced them with younger fresher and dare I say cheaper people. It was all done really horribly and he should have contacted ACAS cos I'm sure they did it all wrong but I couldn't force him to.

Age shouldn't be an issue but it is. He's not old but he's not young either.

It is soul destroying. It is hard to watch someone you love go through that.

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 24/08/2018 13:38

So I’m sure he’s already updated his cv, updated his LinkedIn profile and flagged himself as available, keeping an eye on Indeed and mailed all his ex-colleagues to let them know he’s looking.
Skills are in short supply at the moment, it shouldn’t take long.

ImperfectTents · 24/08/2018 13:48

HAs he approached recruitment companies about doing contract work?

RowenaDedalus · 24/08/2018 13:55

Oh OP. My husband works in IT too. I remember when he lost his job once and he got a job in fast food and did some contracting work in the evenings (developer). It was such a stressful time and he was exhausted from 12 hour shifts followed by hours working on his computer. He also felt that he looked older than others at interview and that they wanted someone younger and fresher. He used to dress differently depending on the place he was applying to 😂 BUT we kept looking for jobs- we looked in education and local government and in the end he got a lovely (but lower paid) job than he was used to, but with a lot more job security. Good luck OP.

InProgress · 24/08/2018 14:15

Sign up to the agencies that specialise in IT. Even if it's a 3 month contract it will keep the wolves from your door. It's highly likely that they'll extend the contract too.

Agencies also have permanent jobs so they're definitely the way to go. Keep in touch with them and your husband will be the first one they think of. It's a crap situation but remember it's only temporary.

InProgress · 24/08/2018 14:19

I signed up as a school governor in the time I was out of work and also did a day a week at a charity shop around job hunting . It helped my cv as I could explain what I did in that time gap. Also makes you look pro active (when I was actually stressed to my eyeballs and wanting to curl up in a corner).

Original poster
Scaredforsurvival · 24/08/2018 16:28

Thank you for all the support and advice. You have helped me get through today. I am reading through everything and passing it all on to him.

OP posts:
willowsmumsy · 24/08/2018 16:47

The NHS often need good IT people. He could try contacting the IT dept of your local hospital and see if they need anyone.

LadyLapsang · 24/08/2018 17:33

I just had a quick look on Civil Service jobs, there are over 150 IT jobs listed, paying up to 82k.

buttonup26 · 24/08/2018 17:33

I was where you are last year. My DH was 52. It took about ten months to find another job but when it did it was a good one. He got the job through a recruitment agency. It was Slightly less pay but he enjoys it and there is a chance of promotion. He applied for so many jobs and didn't get interviews. I was really panicking but it turned out ok in the end and I am sure it will for you too.

LadyLapsang · 24/08/2018 17:36

Also we are pretty hot on equal ops, so he should not be worried about his age as long as he doesn't have a problem working with diverse teams or reporting to someone younger.

Missingstreetlife · 24/08/2018 17:40

Step change will help. It's important not to pay any interest on debts, contact creditors and get them to freeze your payments, only pay minimum or less. Get mortgage on interest only and extend term. Cut everything to the bone. You will survive. Can he claim jobseekers, contribution based? Check, don't be fobbed off, job centre often say no but if he paid national insurance he is entitled even if he got redundancy. Good luck, this too will pass.

sar302 · 24/08/2018 17:50

If he works in IT has he tried contracting until he finds another role? If he's in his 40s and senior, earning well etc. he could easily be making £400 a day (don't know about outside London, I assume slightly less.)

It takes a while for the first pay check to come in though, so I maybe not the best if you're immediately strapped for cash.
I hope you work it out x

TornFromTheInside · 24/08/2018 17:57

I think people assuming it's relatively easy to get work are being a little naive. It's simply not always that easy.
The fact that the OP's already mentioned him being rejected over and over is indicative of that.

WrongKindOfFace · 24/08/2018 18:06

Torn, it does depend on why he’s being rejected. If he’s been in the same job for a long time he might not be up to date with what’s expected with looking for work these days.

There has been some good advice on here. Agencies are good way to get a foot in the door or something to go on the CV to avoid the gap getting too large. Has he had someone look over his CV and cover letter? Does he know how to tailor them? Is he making speculative applications? Does he have a linked in profile?

Also, has he claimed benefits? He really should to cover his national insurance contributions. If it’s a recent redundancy he may be eligible for rapid response support which can help pay for training etc. www.gov.uk/redundant-your-rights/get-help-finding-a-new-job