Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Fair Share...

42 replies

oligopoly · 08/08/2018 10:01

Hi. I’m interested to get other parents’ opinions on this. We are looking to get a ferry over to the Isle of Wight and a hotel for the night with my mother in law. There are 4 of us in my family (Husband, wife, 2 kids) and my MIL is on her own. When it comes to splitting the cost of both the ferry and the hotel, what do you think is fair? Should it be that she pays half and we pay the other half? Or should she pay a third and my wife and I pay the other 2 thirds? I don’t think the kids should have to contribute (one is only 3 months Grin).

I’m sure this must have come up with other people so let me know how you work it out in your family.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 10:30

Certainly not half each. Maybe a third for mil, although should she be subsidising your 2 kids? How many rooms are involved? Do kids travel free on the ferry?

She pays her own ferry fare and a room at the hotel and you pay for the ferry fare for your family and the hotel room you need. Basically pay for your own stuff I think

Babyroobs · 08/08/2018 10:49

Is the price per person for the ferry ? If so then surely she just pays for her ticket and her hotel room assuming she is having her own room ?

Original poster
oligopoly · 08/08/2018 10:49

Hotel will have 3 rooms. My 4 year old will be in the third room. Ferry is a car ticket - you pay by car and we're taking MIL in the one car.

OP posts:
afrikat · 08/08/2018 10:53

Personally I wouldn't charge her for the ferry as the price would be the same either way. She should pay for one room. You should pay for the other two.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 10:55

Just her room then. You'd pay the same for the car whether she was there or not

Babyroobs · 08/08/2018 10:56

If the ferry is a car ticket then I personally wouldn't charge her anything for that. If your 4 year old is sharing a room with your mil then split the cost of that.

Original poster
oligopoly · 08/08/2018 10:58

I just can't work out what's right. It's not really a question of the money - just want to be fair though. Interesting that 2 of you wouldn't consider a contribution towards the ferry though.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 08/08/2018 11:00

Not sure of a 4 yo being in own room....

Dadsbigsausages · 08/08/2018 11:03

Mil on the ferry costs you nothing, so don't ask for anything there.

If your 4 year old is sharing with Mil maybe ask for half the cost of the room. If the 4 year old can go into one of the other rooms then you are asking a favour for mil to watch them in her room so can't ask her to fully pay for the room. If that makes sense Grin

Original poster
oligopoly · 08/08/2018 11:03

Sorry - it's an air bnb, not hotel so no worry about him being in own room

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:04

Maybe just a token contribution towards the ferry then. Will the 4 year old really be in a room by themself?

Original poster
oligopoly · 08/08/2018 11:06

Flip it around though, dadsbigsausages - if your son/daughter asked you to go away for the night, you'd want to contribute towards ferry surely? The question is how much if so.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:06

Is it
1 room- husband, wife, baby
1 room - mil
1 room - 4 year old

dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:06

How much is the ferry?

dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:07

If you asked her to go then surely you pay?

C0untDucku1a · 08/08/2018 11:09

Ah new info. You invited her?! And your costs wouldnt change if you didnt take her? Then you are a cf for even thinking of what to chare her!

DannyDogg · 08/08/2018 11:09

If you invited her then you pay but if not then 1/3 Airbnb for room, no charge for ferry

keely79 · 08/08/2018 11:09

We would pay for her. If she insisted on contributing, would suggest that she could take us out for dinner one night or something like that.

reallybadidea · 08/08/2018 11:11

Goodness you're tight. This is your mother. I can't believe you're considering charging her anything. Maybe a contribution for one of the rooms but not the ferry and not the other rooms. Why shouldn't you pay for your children? If you don't then your mum will by default.

Unless there's some massive backstory then you're being vvvvv unreasonable.

Original poster
oligopoly · 08/08/2018 11:15

OK overwhelming answer is no charge on the ferry and maybe ask for a contribution towards her room. Money is very tight for us (not her), times are very hard - just want to be reasonable.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 08/08/2018 11:15

You are putting a 4 year old in a room on their own in a hotel? Are they adjoining rooms ??

Myview2 · 08/08/2018 11:16

I agree, no charge for the ferry but she pays for her own accommodation is fairest. I usually find that those invited along pick up the cost of a coffee, meal or snacks and it all works out there or thereabouts anyway.

Sunnybeachbabe · 08/08/2018 11:16

I wouldn't charge her for the ferry if you would be going anyway. I'd only charge if you were going specifically so she could attend an event or see family.
Maybe accept a small contribution for petrol if offered.
Then she just pays for her own room.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:17

If money is tight why are you going away and booking an extra room for a 4 year old? Can the 4 of you not share 1 room and mil have a 2nd room

Dadsbigsausages · 08/08/2018 11:21

It's your idea to go away, and she will cost you nothing additional on the ferry so she pays nothing.

The air b&b will probably be at your convenience as it was chosen for location and price range, and size of your choice as it benefits your family most.

I'd ask for no more than third of the cost for accommodation.

We often travel my partner and children and family friend and never ask for transport costs from family friend. We will sometimes look at cheapest single hotel room cost and friend will offer that against accommodation. Or maybe 75% of that cost.

Typically, he just gets a few bags of shopping in and entertains ds with top trumps and we call it quits.

My own mother would completely expect everything for free which would annoy me. My mother in law would absolutely be treating the children along the way and buying a meal or two.

So I see how it can be good to speak of these costs up front.