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Original poster

Fair Share...

42 replies

oligopoly · 08/08/2018 10:01

Hi. I’m interested to get other parents’ opinions on this. We are looking to get a ferry over to the Isle of Wight and a hotel for the night with my mother in law. There are 4 of us in my family (Husband, wife, 2 kids) and my MIL is on her own. When it comes to splitting the cost of both the ferry and the hotel, what do you think is fair? Should it be that she pays half and we pay the other half? Or should she pay a third and my wife and I pay the other 2 thirds? I don’t think the kids should have to contribute (one is only 3 months ).

I’m sure this must have come up with other people so let me know how you work it out in your family.

OP posts:

mrsm43s · 08/08/2018 11:25

Personally I wouldn't charge her for the ferry as the price would be the same either way. She should pay for one room. You should pay for the other two.

This. Or if you really want to be tight, you could charge her 1/5 of the ferry crossing.

And either the cost of her own room (if she's by herself) or half the cost of one room if she's sharing with one of your children.

No way at all she should be paying a half, or even a third of the overall cost.

mrsm43s · 08/08/2018 11:31

Oh, I just realised its an AirB&B.

Honestly, I'd not charge her for the ferry, and at most ask for a small contribution towards the AirB&B - (1/5 would be fair, since 5 of you are sharing up to a max of 1/3 if you are looking at per room cost). More likely though, I'd pay the cost in full, and suggest she pays for something else such as getting groceries in, paying for a meal out or entrance fees on a day out etc.

You are family, and close enough to holiday together, after all!

malfoyy · 08/08/2018 11:37

Charge her 1/3.

Including ferry!

The problem I have is I often do trips like this so that DM gets a holiday... but I actually don't want to go I do it for her and if she didn't contribute I couldn't do it.

seven201 · 08/08/2018 11:39

I'd go for 1/3 of air b n b and 1/3 of ferry.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/08/2018 11:46

Did you mention there would be a cost when you invited her? If not, I don't think you can really ask now.

If you did and you're just working out how to split it then I'd say 1/3 of room cost and 1/5 of ferry cost.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2018 11:49

You can't invite someone and then spring the cost of it on them afterwards. Did you mention cost to her at the start?

ourkidmolly · 08/08/2018 11:51

I'd charge her nothing. You sound as tight as a hen's arse. She's added no expense to your costs incurred and you invited her. Presumably she's pick up the cost of a meal out etc.

HollowTalk · 08/08/2018 11:55

It all depends on how it was put when you first broached the idea of the holiday. If you said, "We're going on holiday" and she said, "Oh, can I come with you?" then I'd expect her to pay towards it. If you said, "Fancy coming on holiday with us?" then I wouldn't.

Having said that, if I was a MIL and going on holiday with my child and their family, I'd pay for the ferry and half the Airbnb.

jazzyfizzles · 08/08/2018 14:49

If I'd invited my MIL I wouldn't 'charge' her at all. Money is tight, but as it's an air bnb then it's a flat cost for the property isn't it. You'd be paying the same if she was there or not.

I'd take her along free of charge in return for an evening of babysitting so you can go out for a meal or something.

MessySurfaces · 08/08/2018 15:42

The proper etiquette is you don't ask her to pay anything, and she offers to pay everything. You then both go no-no-you-mustn't a bit and then end up with something like she pays the ferry on the day and it's quits, or she buys meals on the way, and 1/3 of the airbandb, or depending on how aware of your financials and generous she is, she pays more than her "fair share". My mum would probably have paid the air and B upfront, we'd probably pay for a meal or two if we were quick enough to catch the bill. My MIL would insist on paying for everything in a v oppressive way and get very offended if not allowed to. My dad would somehow end up paying for nothing and giving a lecture on paying your way at some point. Ymmv.

MessySurfaces · 08/08/2018 15:44

Ps- those who say charge her 1/2 a room if she's sharing with your 4 year old- really????? That is definitely her doing you a favour and she should not be asked to pay for the privilege!!!

HellenaHandbasket · 08/08/2018 19:27

Honestly? I know IoW ferries are pricey but I wouldn't charge for that.

mrsm43s · 09/08/2018 09:54

I can understand why 1/3 on the accommodation, if it's just 3 rooms and she is solely occupying one of them (but I'd say 1/5 if there are also shared areas, as she is 1 out of 5 people going).

But why on earth 1/3 of the ferry cost, when she is 1 person out of a party of 5? 1/5 should be the absolute maximum, surely? I appreciate that young children won't be paying for themselves - but surely it's up to their parents to pay for their portion, and not anyone else?

PitchBlackNight · 09/08/2018 10:01

Personally I wouldn't charge her for the ferry as the price would be the same either way. She should pay for one room. You should pay for the other two

I agree. Most important thing to do is to discuss and agree things beforehand so everyone knows the score. Don’t leave it until later.
BTW is she going to get the nicest room 😉

swingofthings · 09/08/2018 11:03

Will she be babysitting for you and Oh? If so of course no charge. Otherwise and if indeed it was her suggestion to come 1/3 of b&b.

Then hopefully she would offer a contribution for petrol.

Jupiter9 · 09/08/2018 11:16

If you've taken her as a free baby sitter/nanny then you should be paying her.

LadyLapsang · 11/08/2018 20:35

Nothing, especially if you are expecting her to babysit.

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