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Original poster

Friend's expensive party

45 replies

Peaudoce · 08/08/2018 00:35

A very old friend of mine is celebrating a landmark birthday this weekend and has invited a group of us to join her for dinner. I've just looked at the menu and it's a very expensive venue, way beyond my budget - I simply cannot afford it.
I'm worried about telling her this - she is very indiscreet and I would be hugely uncomfortable if she offered to pay for me. But I think she will also be very angry if I let her down and say I can't go, especially at such short notice?
Any advice? I'm really stressed about this.

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 08/08/2018 00:51

Is it very short notice? I missed a 50th because she originally said she wasn't doing anything and then changed her mind last minute. Short notice would make it easy to say you have a prior engagement.

We've been in this boat a few times and just tell the truth. One time it turned out the host was paying for everyone. But bottom line, a real friend can't be angry if you say you can't afford it.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/08/2018 02:34

By 'indiscreet' do you mean that she'd spread tales of your 'poverty' to your social circle and/or spread it about that she paid for your meal? If that's the case I'd decline with some other excuse such as a prior engagement or a sudden emergency or illness. If she'd keep your reason to herself, then I'd tell the truth.

NewUserNameTime · 08/08/2018 02:38

If you can't be honest I would say it's too short notice. Then offer to drop round with a gift or meet her for drinks to celebrate separately

Original poster
Peaudoce · 08/08/2018 06:32

I would much rather be honest - I would with any other friend - but this particular friend is very judgemental and materialistic- no matter how much I love her!
Thanks all for your advice, feel better for your feedback.

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 08/08/2018 15:57

judgemental and materialistic? to the point that you are nervous of telling her?

that sounds a bit worrying!

Aprilshowersinaugust · 08/08/2018 16:01

Aren't you having an emergency dental appointment? it's a filling, won't be able to eat anything sorry.

stressedoutpa · 08/08/2018 18:12

Indiscreet, judgemental and materialistic? She doesn't sound like much of a friend....

D and V is a good one. You'd need to be isolated for 48 hours.

Original poster
Peaudoce · 08/08/2018 18:38

I find it a bit strange how there's an automatic assumption others want to spend £500 on a night out for someone else's dinner and drinks. I didn't even spend that on my own birthday or a member of my family's?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 08/08/2018 18:40

Bloody hell - where is this?

RachelAnneJ · 08/08/2018 18:42

£500???

Is it at the Fat Duck? Can't think of anywhere else where you'd spend anything close to that.

LighthouseSouth · 08/08/2018 18:59

£500? Even if that's for a family of four, just NO!

Pinkgeorge · 08/08/2018 19:01

Where on Earth is it!?

ILoveDolly · 08/08/2018 19:05

Just be ill that night. It's a lie but it solves the problem without hurting her feelings

LighthouseSouth · 08/08/2018 19:12

thing is, even hiring a bar area can require a deposit...when is it, OP, and does your friend have to put a deposit down? It sounds like she is the sort to ask you for it back even if you were ill.

2ManySweets · 08/08/2018 19:12

FIVE HUNDRED QUID

no fuck that
file under “same CFery that expects hens to fork out £1000 for a doo in Mykonos rather than a night of shots and twerking down at Reno’s”

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 08/08/2018 19:15

No way is it £500?! Unless she has hired a three Michelin and ordered a twelve course tasting menu with matching wine flight?!

Just tell her you can’t make it.

Dermymc · 08/08/2018 19:16

£500 are you eating pure gold?

QuoadUltra · 08/08/2018 19:21

It is only an invitation, you can say no. Just say you can’t this time as something has come up but that you would love to celebrate together another time - can she come over for champagne and chips at yours very soon? Mwah.

stressedoutpa · 08/08/2018 19:35

Jesus!

Tell her you'll treat her to a fish and chip supper. She can have whatever she wants..... Grin

PandaPieForTea · 08/08/2018 19:38

Is there any risk of having to pay anyway if you pull out at short notice (e.g. saying you are ill)? If so, you need to let her know now that you can't make it so that you don't risk being asked for any money.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/08/2018 19:40

Woah.... that’s a week in the sun, not a meal for someone else’s bash!

LighthouseSouth · 08/08/2018 19:48

@stressedoutpa

"Tell her you'll treat her to a fish and chip supper."

that's a lot of money too. I vote for a Pot Noodle Grin

stressedoutpa · 08/08/2018 21:49

@LighthouseSouth

Ha ha! Yeah, Chicken and Mushroom or Beef and Tomato?

FiveTwoFaster · 08/08/2018 21:54

If she invited everyone to an expensive restaurant perhaps she’s paying the whole bill? That’s the ideal scenario...

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 08/08/2018 21:56

Tell her the truth. It’s not fair at all to assume others can afford things, especially something that expensive.

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