Friend's expensive party

[Peaudoce]

A very old friend of mine is celebrating a landmark birthday this weekend and has invited a group of us to join her for dinner. I've just looked at the menu and it's a very expensive venue, way beyond my budget - I simply cannot afford it.
I'm worried about telling her this - she is very indiscreet and I would be hugely uncomfortable if she offered to pay for me. But I think she will also be very angry if I let her down and say I can't go, especially at such short notice?
Any advice? I'm really stressed about this.

I had a nine course dinner with wine in an expensive Michelin star restaurant last weekend, and the bill for two came to £360. Where the feck are you going that’s £500 per person- The French Laundry?!

Just get a bad case of noro the morning of the dinner. The GPs mostly advise tp stay away till 48 hours after the last symptoms to prevent infecting others.

And you don't get immune for noro so you can catch it again and again and again...

£500?

I really need to know where this is! That is insane!

£500??? have a lot of people agreed to go?

Be honest and say it's out of your price range. I should think £500 is out of most people's price range for one meal out, even an ultra-special one.

Say "I couldn't possibly allow you to do that" if she offers to pay, and repeat until she accepts it.

Jesus - I think you need to learn what a 'friend' is! She is not a friend, she's someone you know and unfortunately socialise with.

Are you related? If not I'd drop her altogether!

For now I'd just be honest - no I'm not paying the cost of a small 2nd hand car for one bloody meal!

She's got to be paying; it's outrageous otherwise.

Has she only just invited you? If so then say you forgot a longer-standing engagement. If not then medical emergency.

500 would raise a 'hahaha don't be silly' from me and I'd let her be indiscreet. I'd also be judgemental right back that anyone would think that's OK. Unless your friend is Elton John or similar is this even real?

I would tell her the truth, if she goes round telling people you couldn’t afford it she will look the year for expecting people to pay £500 for a meal!!!
Where is it? I can’t think of anywhere that would be that much!!!! Unless you are including train fare from Scotland to London and a night in a fancy hotel in that??!

Thats a ridiculous amount of money. No way, would l pay that sort of money for a meal. She’s not a friend if she gets annoyed that you can’t afford it.

I really wouldn’t worry about her spreading gossip. As far as I can see the conversation would go:

Birthday girl: OMG Peaudoce must be having loads of financial issues she can’t afford £500 for a night out with me

Literally everyone she tells:

Madness and presumptuous! I wouldn’t pay that for my own birthday dinner

Does it really matter if she tells people you don’t have the funds!

I can only think she's paying for everyone if it's that sort of venue.

Are you sure she’s not planning to pay for everyone? If not, it’s poor manners to choose somewhere so expensive.

If she has booked somewhere that expensive, then they usually take a reservation fee per person so, unless you give her at least 48 hours - if not 72 hours - notice, she will be out of pocket for that. So, if you can't go, tell her but give her sufficient notice.

Even The Fat Duck does not cost that much, or at least it didn't when I went, even with matching wines and service.

A cooking class with Tom Kerrridge or James Martin does not cost that much and you get food and wine included.

As donkeysandzebras has said, she will have a cancellation fee on her credit card if the place is that high end.

I'd love to know where it is.

£500? Really? Where on earth is that? DH and I have eaten in a fair few Michelin star restaurants and the biggest bill for both of us has come to around £300 including drinks. So I'm really struggling to think where she has booked to be £500 per head and at such short notice too - in my experience establishments so pricey require booking many months ahead for availability.

I wonder if she is paying to treat everyone but not made it clear. There is no way and no circumstances at all where it is acceptable to expect people to pay for something so expensive themselves! If they did then they are not a "friend". If it was a £30-£50 meal I'd swallow it but nothing more.

This is up there with brides expecting their friends to stump up £100s for their Hen weekends. Regardless of whether the friends can afford it.

Suggest you ask her innocently (pretend you've not looked at the menu/cost) what the price would be - see what she says. If she says no need to worry as she's picking up the tab then go, if she doesn't then politely duck out and for someone who goes around telling/boasting to others about your "poverty" and her "generosity" I wouldn't call her a real friend so that'd probably be the last contact. Given it's short notice you could also say you already have other commitments or something urgent has come up last minute.

I would be very surprised if others have agreed to go and pay that much too - unless they're in the top 10% and earn those £million bonuses every year.

When I have chosen to do something slightly more expensive for my birthday (and that's no where near the price you quoted!) I've always picked up the food bill and everyone just pays for their own drinks. It's unfair to expect people to spend that much out of their own pocket.

I have a friend like yours. Last year I told her it was beyond my budget. Best be honest about it. That's a whole month of rent in some parts of the country (or a monthly room in london..)

Im so curious where this is?

Could you not just text her and say somethings come up. You are conscious ofmoney. How much is it etc? See whst she says?