Its all going to get nasty.........(rant alert)

[Lizzer]

ARGH! There that feels better already. I'm in such an awful position that is making me feel part disgusted with myself and part completely right. Can you decide what is right?

Ok I'll start...Dp's dad sadly and suddenly died in Jan, its obviously not good and has been tough on all of us. Finally we get some good news that I'm pg and we have afocus again and are looking fwd to the future.

When dp's dad died he left a house and not much else to dp and his brother (who I get on well with, always have been a close family) HOWEVER, his bro and fiance have now moved into his dad's house and instead of selling and splitting it, he's going to buy dp out. Makes sense.

EXCEPT, he's not in any rush, and why would you be when you have relocated, don't have much work on, you're grieveing, and you don't need to pay a huge, or for that matter ANY, rent like they were doing in London?

We're renting and want to buy a house before baby comes in dec, but apparently will get penalised if we pay a huge chunk off early,and we can't afford a massive mortgage,and a small mortgage leaves us little choice on the housing market here (which is why we're renting in the first place) I don't want the family to start arguing or get involved but it's really annoying me, but then on the other hand I think to myself 'stupid cow you wouldn't even be buying if this awful awful thing hadn't happened, you horrible bitch!'

I'm so

will you update on how it all goes?

Weeeellll, seeing as you ask my divine twigness, I really was going to calm down before posting but.....

Ok, so we went round our potential new house again today with friend who is property developer/builder/roofer (yeah, one of THEM - will be millionaire by time he's 40 no doubt) He's totted up our initial outlay and we can do it - with the 80k plus our savings, ie - we can get the house to tip-top shape before baby comes in dec.

Hooray, we thought......for about 5 seconds....Then BIL texts and says there's been 3 valuations for the dad's house he's in. 1st £160k, 2nd £170 and 3rd (more exclusive and independant, yet shifts houses just the same) £225k !!!! (They were going to take the average of the 3 valuations)

So then BIL says, mmm maybe we should sell it instead?

I had swift words with dp about losing this property/unfairness of it all and he went round to talk but (bless his cotton socks and I love him sooooo much) he isn't the best confrontationa, go -getter out there..so BIL is discussing with fiance and now has got off his lazy arse (sorry) for once and got 3 MORE VALUATIONS for tomorrow and we'll go the best of 6, not 3 - obviously cos he didn't like the £225 one messing up the average. GAH!

Is there anything we can do about the mess that's happening? Shall we call the solicitor who dealt with the will or is that just wasting more money? Dp is now agreeing that family rifts CAN be caused by inheritance after all

Sorrrreeeeee for rant, I've been holding back since 1pm.....

Hmmm... difficult... seems to me like you can't FORCE your BIL to buy you out but he needs to decide either way PDQ because every minute he is dithering is costing you money.

Also it may not be the worst thing in the world for you to sell it on the open market - you may well get more money that way, and it will avoid wrangles over the value.

It might mean a slightly longer wait but the house should go fairly quickly - because it is vacant possession/no chain, so you would probably not be looking at a massive wait (particularly if you specify to the estate agent you would be happy to accept an offer from a first time buyer). If you ended up selling to a first time buyer it wouldn't actually take any longer than selling to BIL.

If I were you I would just say politely that you want a decision either way NOW. Either the house sells in its current state and goes on the market this week, or BIL buys you out before a specified date.

Thanks miss G, yeah I know we can't force him to do anything. It really annoys me that we seem to be waiting for his desicion on everything just because he's in the house, when it should be both brother's desicion. I'm winding dp up now if I say anything, cos he can't handle the pressure, and I'm just feeling like a bad person again...I'm not going to say anything about it today. Just see what the valuations are,

Oh god that's one just come through now as I'm typing £140km, I've just heard dp say.... Grrr..its ridiculous...

I think it's totally fair to set them a polite deadline. Just say that you are happy for BIL to go either way but that you need to start the process one way or the other by (say) 15th June. If he wants to buy you out then he needs to put the transfer/mortgage etc in progress by then, or else you will put the house on the market on that date.

BTW if you do go for your BIL buying you out I think you can get a different sort of valuation, the kind they use for divorces etc. It gives a realistic value of the property rather than a "this is what you should put it on the market for" valuation, which tend to err on the optimistic side (given that most houses don't go for the asking price).

Can you possibly be there for the valuations. I've had two recently because I'm selling as part of my divorce and one offered me lower valuation to pass to solicitors in order for me get a lower average. I didn't ask for it. Make sure you are not a victim of sharp practice, the difference between £160K and £225 is huge and I'd be very suspicious

! That's terrible CoverUp. Very honest of you not to go for it.

Thanks for that MissG, I'll ask about a different valuation....

Coverup, that's awful and I'm worried that's what might be happeningand that dp wasn' there this morning and bil rang straight away to say 'we got £140k' ....so he might not have been showing the good points OR have made the house look awful just for the viewing (ie pulled some plaster off wall as there was damp but now dp (NOT Bil) fixed it for free...grrrrr)

I've gotta go to work now but will check in later, and I'll ask about a valuation not based on resale value...thanks for your help...I feel betterjust getting it out on here

Look on nethouserices.com at prices properties have sold at near or on that road. Also who are the executors dealing with the estate? They have legal duties to get on with things.

Thanks xenia,dp is going to solicitors on wed. The other two est are in at £160 and £180, so average around £160 which is what we thought initially and seems fair price...feeling calmer now and will put bid in for our house either tomorrow or mon...But that's another stress for another thread (joke, er, hopefully )

Thanks again, you've all been lovely