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Original poster

Do you know how much your friends' family income is?

34 replies

DaphneHarvey · 28/05/2007 17:35

Its very much seen as a private subject here in the UK isn't it? You don't say to people "how much do you/your DH earn?" do you, but sometimes I do feel curious. Even my best friend - I don't know! I know all sorts of deep dark secrets about all sorts of people, but I couldn't tell you their salaries. Weird. If anyone asked me what money we make as a family, I wouldn't hesitate to say - I feel neutral about it - but no-one's ever asked me!

We have friends whose joint income ranges from £30,000 ish right up to £300,000 ish, at a guess, and respect them all equally. Funny not to know, though.

OP posts:
quadrophenia · 28/05/2007 17:36

I have friends who like to tell me, i consider it rather crass.

UnquietDad · 28/05/2007 17:41

We can often guess, because a lot of them are teachers and lecturers and so we know what scale point/responsibility equates to what. Otherwise - not a clue.

Otherwise, could guess a vague ballpark maybe from the rough price of their houses. Have a friend who is an NHS manager and he couild be earning 30, 40, 50, 60K for all I know - I have no idea. Another friend is in management consultancy and lives in West London, so she could be on 100K at least - maybe I'm horribly naive and she is on far more.

It's more taboo than talking about their sex lives.

hunkermunker · 28/05/2007 17:42

How much do you make as a family, DH?

toomuchtodo · 28/05/2007 17:42

don't want to know!

would be jealous!!

CantSleepWontSleep · 28/05/2007 17:43

A couple of friends have said on occasion, but only where it's been pertinent to a conversation.

I think a few friends know dh's daily rate, though that possibly leads them to conclude he earns even more than he does annually (he's self-employed so no paid hols etc).

You're right that it's very rarely discussed.

I probably know (or have read but promptly forgotten!) the incomes of more MNers that I do rl friends!

Desiderata · 28/05/2007 17:44

I haven't a clue!

I'm not entirely sure what our income is, either ... except that it ain't much!!

skidaddle · 28/05/2007 17:46

No and am not remotely interested, mind you I barely know how much dp earns and not very interested in that either!

UnquietDad · 28/05/2007 17:50

Surely you must have a vague idea of your own family income!

SlightlyMadSlug · 28/05/2007 17:51

I don't even know what scale my families income are on - and I don't think they have a clue about me/us.

We were talking to my parents a few months ago and said it would be amazing if they knew someone earning £40-50K. Then I told them my boss is earning more than that and they were shocked. I think that then put into perspective how much(ish) I am on.

Original poster
DaphneHarvey · 28/05/2007 17:51

Yes, it is widely considered to be crass. I'm just wondering why. In my present situation, it would help me so much to be able to say (say to a group of friends on a girls night out) - how do you live on what you earn? What do you have left after you've paid your mortgage/rent and council tax? I know with some of them I would probably feel envious, but I wouldn't think any less/more of them whatever the sum was!

I guess that's the kind of private thing you can talk about on Mumsnet, rather than in RL.

Yet, some people I barely know, I could tell you the precise date and time of day they last gave their DH a blow job.

Odd.

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SlightlyMadSlug · 28/05/2007 17:53

When I say family - I mean parents, brothers sisters ILs etc. I know exactly what DP earns - I am his (non-professional) accountant!!!

UnquietDad · 28/05/2007 17:55

I think it only becomes an issue if your friends, who were always your peers in every sense, start to have a very much moe lavish lifestyle - e.g. if they'd think nothing of going for a night out in a £7-a-pop cocktail bar when you'd rather go down the pub, or they invite you on a skiing holiday which would cost the earth.

I've noticed it happening with increasingly-lavish stag nights/weekends - peopl just assume that, if you are working, you have a few hundred to blow in a weekend.

chocolateteapot · 28/05/2007 17:55

I know how much my best friend and her DH earn and she knows how much we earn. We both do the finances in our house and bounce ideas off each other when we get stuck occasionally. Haven't a clue about anyone else.

Desiderata · 28/05/2007 17:55

Yes, but it's vague UD ... much like the rest of me.

I know enough to keep within our income, but I've never tallied it up precisely.

It wouldn't take long, though!

Oblomov · 28/05/2007 17:57

I am neither embarrasssed nor proud of our joint income. And people think I am very rude when I ask money based questions. And why is it crass ?
So british.

hayes · 28/05/2007 17:58

I had a friend who asked me how on earth did I manage to afford to shop in Next, I just found that a horrible thing to say. My dh is not high earner but we spend our money prob a bit more wisely, we tend to think of what we need to spend.

Oblomov · 28/05/2007 17:59

Like Daphne, I think it is very odd.
BJob date = o.k. salary no ???????

UnquietDad · 28/05/2007 18:00

She probably wasn't being horrible. Next is an above-averagely expensive shop isn't it? For a high street shop, anyway. She probably saw you as "equals" and knew she couoldn't afford it herself. I imagine I'd think the same if I knew frinds who always did groceries at Waitrose, for example.

serenity · 28/05/2007 18:01

I have one friend whose income is far lower than mine, and I really don't know how she copes (although I think it's acombination of credit cards paid off with commission, and not having rent or mortage to worry about) Everybody else earns a fair amount more than us although I don't know the exact figures, and tbh I don't reall want to know.

chocolateteapot · 28/05/2007 18:02

Hi Oblomov, hope you had a good holiday and things are going well for you all. Did my email ever turn up?

Oblomov · 28/05/2007 18:03

Sorry I haven't got back to you chocolate - I will e-mail my bad news to you tonight.

chocolateteapot · 28/05/2007 18:05

Oh dear Oblomov, that doesn't sound good, I'm sorry

mustrunmore · 28/05/2007 18:09

I dont know any of our friends' incomes, but I'd love to know, just from sheer curiosity. I think mainly because they are obv alot better off than us, and I'd like to know that its because they have much higher salaries, not that we're rubbish with money! All; our friends have a car, for example, and looked at me incredulously when I told them we dont. There's just no way we can afford it. Likewise, most of our friends go out at least once a week for drinks or a meal, either as a couple or alone. I't'd be nice to be better off, but I'm not complaining as we had a very good standard of living before we had kids. I'm just nosey! One family we're friends with always say they are on a big big budget drive, have no spare cash etc, but then they have a cleaner @£30 a week, 2 cars,go abroad, and buy things like garden furniture. So I think my idea of badly /well off is very diff to other peoples!

TheBlonde · 28/05/2007 18:23

I have a good idea of some friend's incomes - mostly the non-British ones

DH is happy to discuss his salary with his mates and it helps them work out if they are underpaid etc

Original poster
DaphneHarvey · 28/05/2007 18:29

Exactly, mustrunmore. I am at a loss to understand why we are always so broke! Actually, it is quite difficult to work out our annual salary because DH is self employed and sometimes I earn commission from my part-time job. But on paper it is quite a lot of money monthly. I guess we just underestimate what we spend. And hard to adjust to having children, even 6 years later!

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