Do you know how much your friends' family income is?

[DaphneHarvey]

Its very much seen as a private subject here in the UK isn't it? You don't say to people "how much do you/your DH earn?" do you, but sometimes I do feel curious. Even my best friend - I don't know! I know all sorts of deep dark secrets about all sorts of people, but I couldn't tell you their salaries. Weird. If anyone asked me what money we make as a family, I wouldn't hesitate to say - I feel neutral about it - but no-one's ever asked me!

We have friends whose joint income ranges from £30,000 ish right up to £300,000 ish, at a guess, and respect them all equally. Funny not to know, though.

DH is in the forces and most of our friends are too so we all know how much each other earns but DH thinks nobody should care about disclosing salary details but it can be a bit embarassing when he asks friends who aren't in the forces! He's not trying to gloat - purely get a feel for salaries in civvie street.

Actually, I don't think it is crass to be curious about what other people earn. It is just crass to feel one way or the other about them whatever the amount is.

I don't really know what my friends' household incomes are but it's usually obvious whether they are 'better off' or 'worse off' than we are. My best friend is quite open about her pay (cos it's crap) and I think we had a discussion once where she said what her dh earned but she doesn't know what mine earns.

I don't think it's always that easy to tell actually. You can't even go by houses - I've got friends in lovely houses but they've lived in them for 10 years+ so probably have a much smaller mortgage than we do as we only moved last year. Their current market value doesn't necessarily reflect their earnings nowadays.

Also, you just never really know how much in debt people are. People may appear to have a lot of disposable income but how do you know how much of that is piled up on credit cards rather than coming out of a 'black' bank account?

It would be interesting to know what people earned but it doesn't matter. In my circle of friends I have some that def have more disposable income and some that def have less - it doesn't actually make any difference to our relationship.

Plus, I know of people who are very comfortably off but have other, personal issues going on - so it's not the be all and end all is it?

That was a ramble - sorry!

I have no idea but don't really want to know either

I just can't think of a valid reason to ask someone their income or tell them my own. Yes, there is curiosity but how people manage their financial affairs is their own business.

But everything is everyone's own business, isn't it Saadia? How we relate to our families, how we get on with our DH, how well our children are doing at school, how we discipline them, how we vote, how we feel about the environment, how we shop/eat/take care of ourselves. My point is that people feel more free to discuss any of the above, rather than how much they earn. Which I find curious, not deplorable or outrageous or criminal. Just odd.

Unquietdad - no she wouldn't dream of shopping in Next that is why I was so pissed off! She is more a Boden/Designer gal

I do see what you mean DH, but a lot of the private things that we discuss with others are to do with relationships and are ways of connecting with our friends, to understand how their minds work and what their views are about all the things you mention. But knowing a friend's salary doesn't really tell us much about that person except perhaps their financial worth at that time. It doesn't actually tell us much about the person themselves.

I really don't think it's anyone's business. Just like I wouldn't dream of discussing any other personal matter with others.

And I agree with Gobbledigook, knowing someone's income doesn't tell the whole story anyway. Or do you want to know how big their mortgage is too, or how much is on their credit card or whether their car was funded by a bank loan or whatever? People live in different ways and spend in different ways. Someone might just be really good at budgeting, or be less consumerist. Or like gadgets and luxury holidays but be putting it all the credit card.

I only know what one friend's husband earns, roughly, and that is only because I saw an ad for the job he eventually got. But that family have a much more lavish lifestyle than us, even though their income is lower, so something doesn't add up. If I just looked at their house, car, 'toys' etc, I would conclude they must earn a lot, but as it is I know roughly what their income must be so I can only assume the extra is coming out of savings (unlikely for that family!) or debts.

But that's up to them.