Friend wants to stay mid week due to work, financial contribution or not? How much?

[Blueberry001]

Hi all,

Newbie here but looking for advice on whether I am being reasonable here?

A friend of ours has taken a 6 month temporary position in a city near where we live. It would be a good 1.5-2 hour commute for him everyday from him home to his new place of work but from our house it would be only 15 mins.

He’s dropped a few hints already about moving in to ours Monday - Friday to save on petrol costs and commute time. We have the spare room, but I don’t know whether I want someone living with me and my husband 4-5 nights a week, we both work full time ourselves and evenings we like to spend time getting all our jobs and things done ready for a quiet weekend kind of thing.

But would I be unreasonable to ask for a financial contribution? What would be a reasonable amount?

In my head I was thinking to agree to maybe just 3/4 nights a week on the busiest days (mon - thur) instead of the full 5 nights and ask for £50 a week? I would include him in our evening meals as well of course (or might be weird us eating without him!) so the money would cover extra bills (water/electricity) and then evening food as well as the use of general household items, loo roll, milk, etc etc.

What do you all think? I don’t want to appear greedy to a friend or anything but it would mean another person also in our martial home 3-4 nights a week or should I do my friend a favour?

Thank you x

I would charge more than 50quid a week especially if you’re feeding them op.

What do rooms rent for round you? Is that website spare rooms? Tbh I’d want more than £50pw for the loss of privacy. For free it’d be something I’d only do for a desperate family member or dear friend with no other choices

Yeah something for the room and something for the bills/food.

Not greedy. He’ll be using the electricity amd water plus food costs. Only a CF would wamt to stay that regularly, that often and that long for free!

I’d say no to someone else staying full stop tbh. There’s a million reasons why you should say no according to some threads I’ve read on here recently. Tell him to find a flat share or something.

£50 is way too low op.
At least £100.
An Airbnb would be double that for 4 nights a week with dinner.

Google Monday to Friday rooms and there are loads of websites that match rooms to people like your friend. You can tell him about them too!

DH was in a similar situation, colleague offered to let him use spare room. He paid 300/month , stayed Mon to Thurs (so three nights) but didn’t have meals with them, in fact he worked late each evening while away so didn’t encroach too much on their personal space (and then had more free time later in week on days working from home). I’m surprised they haven’t offered to pay a contribution you ANBU to ask.

If you don't want him to stay say your insurance doesn't cover lodgers / non family members.
If you are considering him as a lodger you'll need to check with your mortgage provider (usually not a problem) and your home insurance provider. I'd advise you to get a Gas Safety Certificate for your boiler too. (I got mine as part of it's annual service).
Check spareroom.com for the going

I would avoid promising to feed him for the money-either take turns to cook or let him
sort himself. That’s the sort of thing that may start to grind you down and make you resent the arrangement. Check spareroom.com for local prices for midweek lodgers.

Thank you everyone, you’ve made me feel so much better already that I was being greedy.

He’s certainly a good friend, but not on dire straights or anything (the job he’s taken is fairly well paid) but I now he’ll still be paying for his house share back home at the same
time.

I think you are all right with some of the comments about loss of privacy, whilst we do have a lovely spare room (it’s a double and fairly big fully furnished etc) we don’t have a huge house being just us 2 anyway, it’s a pretty standard 2 bed mews house with Just the 1 bathroom.

Also glad £50 seems more then reasonable too - just had a quick nosey online and a 2 bed house like ours rents out for £550-600 PCM, and a house share with bills for a month is about £400-450 without food? That’s all the time, so Looks like £50-75 a week isn’t unreasonable to ask but I’ll have to have a serious think about it - sounds like there is some horror stories out there! I certainly wouldn’t want it ruin a friendship for my hubby.

X

As you don't want him to stay, don't have him to stay.

I can't emphasise enough how much this will change your home life. He'll probably stay some weekends as well, to save himself money.

Happened to me. We were left seriously out of pocket, relationship suffered, days extended to months - you get the picture. 'I'll cook for myself' meant our fridge was full of their crap and we couldn't get in our own kitchen some evenings.

Hated it.

Say NO now.

You don't have to have him stay. The hints would royally do my swede in.

This sort of shit strains or ends friendships, If you go for it then charge him properly.

... rate for Mon-Fri lodgers in your area.
We have a doctor staying with us two or three nights midweek and he pays £400 a month. No meals.
Don't underestimate your loss of privacy. Our lodger has an ensuite and their own living room but it is still someone in your house and it can be a lot of extra laundry of sheets / towels etc.
Six months is a long time if it's not working out! How will it benefit you? Do you need the extra cash?

Send him a link to spareroom.com

Dont do it op. He can commute. Ignore the hints. You could really spoil the friendship.

Don't underestimate how much extra loo roll an extra person can use (bitter experience!) or even milk and tea bags.

Yeah it’s better to take the hit upfront than end up hating him due to a lack of privacy and him being under your feet for 6 months.

I spoke only consider mon-thurs (3 nights staying), I don’t know what he does but a lot of firms would accept 3 long days and 2 shorter ones given commute and he’s already incurring extra costs for the placement...

No way. I thought you meant one night a week and thought that would be fine, but every day? No. You will end up hating him. He will take advantage - it's natural that he'll see it as his home and you'll get all the annoying things that he normally does at home that you're not privy to now.

Mornings will be awful. You won't have any privacy in the evening. £50 pw is nowhere near enough - you'll spend a lot more on food and drink, and you'll feel you can't just have a snack - cooking will become another job and you'll hate it.

What if he pays you and you eat out? Will he come with you? Will he want a refund?

I think to save your marriage and your friendship you should say no.

TammyWincyette - these are the things I’m worried about, whilst he’s a nice bloke. Hubby or I have never lived with him, and It’s only living with someone do you truely know them isn’t it. (I learnt that moving in with hubby after a year of dating, he could do no wrong until he started putting things back in the cupboard the wrong way and leaving the lid off the toothpaste!)

Gamer chick - yes it’s a bit odd, he hasn’t directly asked either of us just messaging ‘I’ve got this job, it’s perfect and so close to your house. The commute is going to be awful. Etc etc’ we’ve been friends long enough for him to just be upfront but I suppose I know it’s coming so I’m trying to do a bit of research so I’m prepared when he does ask which I 100% think will when we see him this weekend with friends. Maybe he wants to do it face to face?

Jammakigwannabe - we don’t ‘need’ the extra cash, both very lucky to have well paid jobs with disposable income but of course any extra pennies in the pot are always welcome (We are looking to buy bigger next year when we are ready)

We also quite often have our own guest at the weekend, friends and family etc who use the spare room so it would be extra washing of sheets and cleaning duties etc. We’re so lucky with our location that people love to come over for days and nights out, so it could get tricky if he wanted to stay the full week into the weekend if we have people coming over. I hadn’t even thought he might end up staying over the weekend, but his job is a lot of ‘ad hoc’ hours and does cover weekends and long shifts (medical) so I’d feel guilty saying no if he asked!

If you hadn’t already guessed I hate saying no!

I’m assuming this friend factored in extra costs when taking the temp job? Even if he counted on commuting that’s a lot more travel costs

He can sub-let his house share and rent somewhere full time near his new place of work.

Oh goodness, he does non standard hours too? You absolutely have to set clear parameters if you do this at all, I hate saying no and feel pushed into things and that’s exactly where you end up resenting people.

We had my husband’s cousin stop with us Monday to Thursday night. She was very unobtrusive, but I increasingly felt that I couldn’t chat freely to my husband as I wanted to, there was washing hanging around, the fridge was taken up and I was just very ‘aware’ of someone else being there. If you’re in any doubt, don’t do it. He can find a similar arrangement and pay for it. I agree with pp that he’ll start creeping into weekends.

And it's completely different having a friend to stay rather than a stranger. You can tell a stranger it's not working out. You can go for a walk without the stranger. A friend will want to be with you all the time - it gets very, very wearing.