How to afford a child ?

[Hellomoo]

I’m 27 with my partner for 5 years and thinking of starting a family in the next 2 years but I’m worried if I can financially afford it.

I have a degree but have done low wage jobs and am currently in a support worker type role earning nearly min wage partner similar situation and also supports child from previous marriage so he is financially worse then me.

Our housing costs are cheap (council) 1 bed flat and we live in a very cheap area (think Grimsby - grim but cheap) but I’m worried I’d hate to be stuck in poverty with a child forever but it’s unlikely either of us will increase our earnings much.

If we moved where there’s better jobs our housing would triple - where we live there’s barely jobs but I have family support.

If we were to have a child I’d work 2-3 days per week, partner full time obvs. But it still doesn’t seem enough to even survive.

Should I have a child when I’m not financially able too?

Red dress - thanks for your comment it’s helpful, what qualifications do you suggest I get ? I started a masters degree but had to drop out due to lack of funds after I saved for 2 years - anything you can suggest? Thanks

The question is what kind of job do you really want to work in ? You need something your actually interested in not just something that pays more so you can have a baby

I'm really feeling for you Hellomoo! The y just don't get it do they.

I too live up north and know that house prices are a lot better than down south. But it's all relative though. Lower house prices and lower salaries even if you have a decent job.

Also as you will have experienced that funding for charity sector is precarious and even more so in the provinces.

So if you left things till everything in your life was perfect, how old will you be? Mid 30's, late 30's, 40's. Then you may find it harder to get pregnant as fertility declines with age.

I too grew up in a poor household. I hated living on benefits and it has made me averse to taking on debt. So I got a small cheap affordable house so I didn't have to worry about affording the mortgage and other expenses when my DS came along. I didn't have too many holidays and I've never had a new or nearly new car. But I have my DS.

Also people nowadays think that all children have to have a room each. They forget that two up two down houses had families where six or more children were the norm! It seems that two children sharing a room today is scandalous on Mumsnet.

So OP have a child now if YOU and DP feel it's the right time and you can afford it. Life is full of regrets. Don't make this one of them because of some mumsnetters on here who do not have all the facts about your life. That includes myself!

I didn’t know you could get a 5year mortgage!

Also people nowadays think that all children have to have a room each. They forget that two up two down houses had families where six or more children were the norm! It seems that two children sharing a room today is scandalous on Mumsnet.

Sure, but we're not talking about children sharing a bedroom. We're talking about the whole family sharing a bedroom because the OP is content to settle for a one bedroom flat.

Pinky blinder - thank you ! I know it’s the first time I’ve been on mumsnet but it’s like the daily mail comment section here. The first suggestion I’m not well off and the assumption about me and my partner are irresponsible to even consider having 1 child gosh, how selfish of us.

Red drawfes- what are you even on about ? You are just making things up - there is me, my partner and ONE child which would live with us or should I not have a child increase my partners child might sleep over so it’s scandalous not to have a spare room? Honestly you’re being ridiculous and obviously have some sort of agenda / bitterness

3luckystar - we might just buy outright as I haven’t looked far into the morgate situation and it’s pretty cheap 70% off council housing (yes the government should def build more social housing I agree)

I only have a few issues with your posts. Does your partner's child stay over? Of course provisions still need to be made for this, although agree this doesn't have to mean own bedrooms.

Your post stating "I don't think it's good for 2 parents to be working" - could have been worded far more sensitively on a forum for parents. Some of us haven't had a choice and your post sounded completely judgemental. My DD had to go into childcare fulltime at 6 months, does this mean you're going to be a better mother than I was? She's 8 now and happy, content etc. I wouldn't state "I don't think it's good for children not to have a few holidays a year or for their parents to be skint", because I'm not judgmental of those in different situations.

Other than that, go for it and good luck.

Shark with knees- thanks for hot reply I did say personally and of course I understand some parents need to work full time sorry if it was judgemental didn’t mean it that way

No one has said this yet but please marry your partner before you have a child particularly as your financial situation is a bit precarious.

I'd be concerned that a key point in your plan is relying on your mum for childcare. MN is littered with posts from people whose parents offered childcare but when it came to it decided they didn't want to or that they didn't want to run round after an active toddler, or something else happened that meant it was no longer possible.

There are a whole hosts of places that are not either "grim (your word)" NE city and London. They have different price tags attached to them too.

Even in the charity sector there are ways to progress your career and many jobs that are not NMW.

Most people in your situation live with family for a year or two to enable them to save - would that be possible?

I admit that I am very risk adverse, but your situation sounds very precarious.

In terms of qualifications, it really depends on what specific part of the sector you're in. Some require quite specific niche qualifications, eg health-related, some tend to put masters degrees down as minimum/essential for no good reason. I was lucky enough to be part of a mentoring programme for women which no longer exists - it was basically in reflection of the fact that lots of women work in the charity sector but the majority of senior management is male. Some of the hints I picked up were around planning for the future: In your position, I would look seriously at the people around you/who you know, and their CVs. Linkedin can be good for this, some organisations put staff profiles on their websites. Look at people who are a few years older than you and a few steps higher up. Some people are v happy if you ask for advise.

When I was 26 I had a boss who was 7 years older and about to go on maternity with her first. She was a great manager, was able to negotiate to return 4 days a week (these are not jobs that are advertised as part time) and I basically spoke to her about what skills she'd built up and how she got there. I realised that everyone I knew who could negotiate part time was able to do it a) from within the organisation and b) only once they'd reached a certain level. I also looked at lots of job advertisements for jobs I wasn't currently able to do, saw what skills I would need, and asked internally about ways to acquire some of them - so say, managing an intern when I didn't have line management experience, which meant when I applied for a maternity cover with line management I was able to say I had some experience, which meant I got that mat cover and developed proper experience, which meant when I applied for a managerial position I was successful. (I also applied for lots of jobs I didn't get, to be fair) In my case, I started in London then moved out then moved elsewhere, so I know it can be harder to move around but its not impossible. DH and I spent a year where we lived apart in the week so we could both get the experience we needed - it was honestly worth it.

If there is someone in your organisation who is a manager and you know that they have a medical qualification and an MBA and twenty years experience - well that's not super helpful for you right now. But if there's someone in a post at another organisation that you see advertised and they have started off doing similar work to you, but also have a part-time postgrad cert and did a maternity cover that saw them acting up before they got their current job - well its a path that has worked for someone else so could work for you. Its also good to be realistic about how many jobs come up in the sector you're in, the job I have now comes up about once every 5 years, I know if I want to move on to something else I'll have to think carefully about that move as where I am interesting senior jobs are few and far between so it really is all about thinking about the next step. But I'm now in a position where I have huge flexibility but am still building my CV and that is incredibly valuable when you have small children. But I guess my point is, it didn't happen by accident. I literally spent years planning how to get here so I'd be well-placed for having children without losing my career/having a tiny income.

I don't think anyone is saying nobody on minimum wage should have children. But: your household already has responsibility for one child - if anything happened to your DSSs mum presumably he would be with you full time - and no spare bedroom for that child. If you had a two-bed, then your stepchild and new child could ultimately share, but the situation you're currently in would mean you and your DP in the living room and a baby and possibly older visiting child sharing a bedroom, which is really not ideal for something you are actively planning. You have enough time to try and work towards an easier solution for everyone - if you were 38 I would be saying go for it, because having a child in a non-ideal situation is better than giving up the possibility of ever having a child, but you have the time to try and improve things. I more or less doubled my salary in five years: I wouldn't have believed it was possible beforehand and I was very lucky (and had already got a good degree and masters which helped in the long run) but I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss ideas around improving your career position before you start expanding your family. It will give you more options if you can manage it, and make your life easier in the long run.

You started the thread stating your concerns about being stuck in a low income household going forward and starting a family regardless. Dismissing everyone's suggestions regarding how you could make some changes to your life is completely counter productive. You're defending your status quo as if you're happy with your current status - why then, bother with this thread?

You can be sure of one thing - do nothing, nothing changes.

You are educated, young and healthy - there is nothing stopping you but yourself.

I think people just manage and your financial situation doesn’t sound terrible. What makes your situation more difficult is the fact your partner will have two children. You do seem to be glossing over your partner having another child. He will have two children and therefore as a couple you will have to take two children into account financially. I know you mention his other child but you also make reference to ‘one’ child. There is already one child!

Good luck and I’m sure you will work it out!

Hi @Hellomoo !

I am almost in your exact situation, but we have a mortgage. I'm the same age too, 28 in September.

My husband works in care, already has a child which he pays child support for (more than he is required to). We have Dss every weekend and occasionally during holidays etc. He has a good relationship with Dss mother.

I work in a low paid job and I am currently working hard to move into a better paid career. I have some savings of my own, which are for emergencies such as redundancy, to save for retirement. But in theory, these could be used to cover childcare if necessary.

We would love a baby of our own, but want to be prepared financially as much as possible before we do.

Our plan is for me to hopefully improve my career and then have a baby in the next two years. Then wait for day 4-5 years before having another. (I say that's our plan, but plans often go to shit!)

I have no idea how social housing works, but as a pp has said, it wouldn't be an advantage to you to leave it.

Good luck, with whatever you decide to do!

Your partner’s daughter is not a guest. Her dad’s home should be her home and she should have a bedroom. Could you get a sofa bed and sleep in the front room.
Your future child can then share the bedroom.

You shouldn’t go part time if you’re not married.

@ Sevendown

What are you on?

Single mother here who went part tme (30 hours a week) when I went back to work.

So we 'feeble' women can do it without needing a husband!

@Pinkyblinder

It's actually perfectly sensible advice. It's nothing to do with being feeble or being unable to manage because she's unmarried - honestly, I can't believe you need it explained.

If she goes part time then she is making career sacrifices to raise her child, whilst her partner is not. The unspoken agreement here is that he will subsidise her and the children. But if they split up, then she won't have that support anymore and will still have sacrificed her career. Unmarried, all she can get is child maintenance which is a pittance and a share in the house. If they are married, shed had more protection and possibly get more money in a divorce settlement.

It's stupid to sacrifice your career without that protection if you're with someone. You are not so this argument does not apply to you and has nothing to do with single mum's.

I think you should look into getting a job with a good maternity package. Something like a local council or hospital so you can stay in your area for family support and do care work/grants/ funding or whatever for a couple of years to get established before trying for a baby so you'll be in a good position to request part time. I took a year of maternity leave and even with 6 months full pay, I used £8K of savings that year. (And I am extremely careful with money - baby equipment, clothes and cloth nappies all second hand, shop at Aldi, didn't do any baby activities which cost money etc.).

Well no you 'shouldn't' have a child you can't afford but the vast majority of people can't afford children. If you can live with depending on the government to fund your parenthood and can accept the kind of life your child has a result I wouldn't blame you for having one. That said you are still really young. If you really wanted to you probably could increasing your earning potential sufficiently to be able to afford at least one. But that would require a great deal of hard work and would risk your running into fertility issues when you finally do try.