How to afford a child ?

[Hellomoo]

I’m 27 with my partner for 5 years and thinking of starting a family in the next 2 years but I’m worried if I can financially afford it.

I have a degree but have done low wage jobs and am currently in a support worker type role earning nearly min wage partner similar situation and also supports child from previous marriage so he is financially worse then me.

Our housing costs are cheap (council) 1 bed flat and we live in a very cheap area (think Grimsby - grim but cheap) but I’m worried I’d hate to be stuck in poverty with a child forever but it’s unlikely either of us will increase our earnings much.

If we moved where there’s better jobs our housing would triple - where we live there’s barely jobs but I have family support.

If we were to have a child I’d work 2-3 days per week, partner full time obvs. But it still doesn’t seem enough to even survive.

Should I have a child when I’m not financially able too?

I don't see why everyone is being so negative here. It is possible to have a child when you're not earning great money - you cut your cloth accordingly. The OP's partner has a child already but as noone knows the circumstances it's a bit off to say "treat that child as your own" etc. Careers aren't everything and local family support is worth a lot both financially and emotionally.
If you've done the sums OP and can afford it then go for it.

where we live there’s barely jobs
grim but cheap.....but I’m worried I’d hate to be stuck in poverty with a child forever but it’s unlikely either of us will increase our earnings much

OP isn't selling where she lives to me and she is clearly thinking about her options to improve her lifestyle. If you live in a relatively depressed area, the way to escape that is to move to a more economically vibrant area with more job opportunities. Inevitably, they do tend to be more expensive areas. She's 27 - and has her whole life in front of her! There are plenty of people who job hop between different sectors and industries in their twenties before they find something which hopefully delivers on job satisfaction as well as pay.

Thanks tea for me- I know idk what I’ve said that’s so bad tbh...

I’ve already travelled, worked and studied abroad. Why would you assume I haven’t ?

Red drawfes - because I’ll never be able to afford it....I think being able to live mortgage free in any apartment is a miracle for most of my generation even if it’s a small flat you must know how unreasonable buying a house for even high earners is ? And obviously buying a flat will help us move somewhere better if we want. Come on

Idk so people who work as carers / taxi and other low income earners shouldn’t have any kids ? I’ve already said I’d save all I could and getting a better career wouldn’t help with children as I could / would only work part time and most careers don’t allow that, you have to work 10 + days obviously.

Thanks for the replies though

Robojesus - yes he does where did I say he doesn’t ? He sees her at least twice a week (he works 60 hours a week) and pays a lot in child support, even taking her on holiday, helping his mum even pay rent - sounds better then a lot of dads to me ?

And commute - I live miles away from any city (north east) so would spend 4 hours + each day commuting and I don’t even want / have a car which would obviously cost huge amounts to run that far.

Green dale - I explained already - my family would be more then happy and have plenty of time to help me out at least part time.

because I’ll never be able to afford it....I think being able to live mortgage free in any apartment is a miracle for most of my generation even if it’s a small flat you must know how unreasonable buying a house for even high earners is ? And obviously buying a flat will help us move somewhere better if we want. Come on smile

If you can't afford it without a child, there's no chance you'll be able to afford it with a child and with your plan of cutting your work back to 2-3 days per week.

Surely you should want better than that for your child.

Scopella - thanks for your reply.

Yes it’s a depressed area I have moved around cities / countries quite a lot - I’ve lived in big vibrant cities with pretty decent jobs but due to higher living costs I had to live in a grubby house share and walk to work whereas living in my city I have a flat in city centre and could afford a car / holidays even though career is worse so it’s sorta a catch 22 - I love living in new cities / countries but have also reverted back to my home city as my sector (which I do love) isn’t paid great (helping people isn’t seen as a good career ! )

I work in the support / charity sector (disabled/refugee etc.)

Red drawfes- I understand what you’re saying but that means me and millions of other workers with ‘average/low wage’ jobs will never have kids.

I only plan to have 1 child due to cost, I’m not irresponsible as I’m planning carefully,I will be 30 years old, with my partner for 7 years and probably bought our own flat and still work part time. I’ve lived / studied / worked abroad and all over England in different fields, went to uni etc. What else should I have done / do? (Except be richer / not went into the helping people sector )

Thanks for your input

Your lack of ambition is startling, why on earth wouldn't you want a better career. More money, better prospects, better outcomes etc.

To want a child with a man who doesn't have his to stay so does no actual parenting is madness. Add to that a not nice area as you say, no bedroom for either child, very little money and work ethic. It sounds a disaster waiting to happen and shows your wants outweighs any impact on the child. You don't even think they deserve a bedroom fgs.

I agree with others that your lack of ambition is holding you back. You are only 27 and you are already mentally settled for a grim town and a 1 bed flat (as you put it), and a man who don’t even have his child EOW. You can do better. You should think about going to the bigger cities for the better jobs for a few years. You may find a better job and a better earning partner.

Mortgage free is unreasonable for someone at 27 because you should be aiming higher, climbing the property market. And I don’t know what your definition of high earners are. I work with lots in their 20s. In the southeast, and they are £30-40k. If they partner up they can buy their first house early 30s. It’s not impossible for those who earn more than NMW but not exactly high earners.

Maybe it’s not a fashionable thing to say, but a lot of woman achieve better lifestyles by marrying well.

Want to say those who come from better families will already have bought mid 20s. A lot of them are still not married and you are the right age for these young better earners. They usually settle mid 30s to start a family. You are still young enough!

You're only 27 and have a degree. Your focus needs to be on using that to get a professional job and dome time there under your belt.

When you have history with them you will be able to apply for flexible working should you have a child.

I'd move to a city where there are opportunities. Progress career and housing and save. If you have a child then you will have savings for a childminder.

I had twins at 32 and panicked over how we'd provide. Fortunately I was in a career and flat etc. 5 years previously I wasn't.

Set a 5 year plan. Think long term. You need to get the career and maximise your earning potential as this will be a lot harder when you have a child. If you want to give them security for the future then you need that job. Yes you'd be leaving free childcare but the benefits of long time earning outweigh three years of free childcare and then still being stuck.

Some (my parents) worked minimum wage jobs but had little choice. You have a degree and the option to earn more, so use it before you have kids!

Get that ambition.

Boxsetsabdpopcorn - what are you saying ? Who Said I lacked ambition I LOVE WORKING IN THE CHARITY SECTOR do you understand? It’s not well paid to help others but that’s what I went to university to study I explained this already ! lols all of my friends with MA / manager ie doing well in this field don’t earn enough to buy in London/big city even with a larger income / better job unless with parents help. God ! I explained if I grow my career great ! But I’d gave to move to London (almost certainly) and if I TRIPLE my income I still couldn’t afford to BUY even a grotty flat in London and my living expenses WITH a child would TRIPLE as I’d have to pay for childcare when. It’s FREE in my city so having a child would be MORE difficult unless I earned £80 - £100k + which 1% of this country does.

Surely this is common sense ? I don’t mean to be rude by really lol.

And what has my partner having a child with his ex wife got to do with anything ?! He sees her all the time pays for her and she lives 10 mins away ? What’s wrong with that ? He should take her away to live with us is that what you’re saying ? (She should have a room here just in case she stays over ?! Who has that ? Almost no one has guest rooms in there 20s and so they shouldn’t ! )

I understand not having kids until you can afford them that’s why I’ve waited - but to say only rich people earning so much money that they have bought a nice big house with lots of bedrooms in the country, have an amazing highly paid career, partner with a well paying job (no poor ones allowed) is silly -that would exclude 80% of uk ?

Don't listen to the negative responses Hellomoo.

You have thought things through based on your current and projected circumstances. You sound reasonable to me.

On the one hand you are you are told to think about your partner's child and the next to move (with partner?) to an area with more prospects but DP see child less often. Also an area you can't afford.

There are so many middle class mumsnetters on here that don't understand that a lot of people will always just be getting by and it's not due to a lack of ambition, but due to other issues.

Good luck OP. You will be okay.

The other child matters because once your partner has a child with you, will be need to reduce the resources he gives to his first child? Will that reduction coz his first child to fall into poverty?
If you had one child living with you, that would be something you'd need to consider - would a second child mean the first one ends up without necessities? This might be your first kid, but it's your partners second. He can't have another child if it means his first child's needs aren't being met.

A lot of men just go around having more kids anyway and don't worry about the first because they are out of sight so out if mind on a daily basis. But that's a shit thing to do.

You really need to two have a 2 bed place - it's possibly to raise a child in a one bed home, but it's really hard. You have no space for yourself etc. Get yourselves into a home with more space and then have the kid.

Oh lord! There are starving people in Africa having children (lack of birth control), a lot are coping well with 0 money.

A woman who wants NMW can't have kids??! Wtaf.

Op, ignore everyone on here.

The golden rule is that once you get into social housing, you do everything you can to keep it.

The OP and partner were only given one bedroom flat as there are only the two of them. If the DP does not have joint custody of his child he will not be entiled to two room place. Not unreasonable for councils to say you don't need two rooms when child is not in continous residence.

So OP and partner can't apply for two bedroom place until she gets pregnant and child arrives. OP would be mad to go into private renting just to get two bedrooms before child arrives.

If people feel a young child needs their own room, then let them have the oone bedroom and parents can sleep on sofa bed in the lounge. This would be until they can get bigger council property.

Also Hellomoo, it might be better for you to wait until you get the bigger place to put in your right to buy application.

As for resources for first child being reduced if second child arrives. Isn't that always the case even if your income is large or small. It's known as sharing. Whether it's sharing a parent's love, time or whatever.

The OP has not said what the circumstances are of the DP's ex partner are. That has a bearing as well. It would be unfair for people to tell her not to have her own child so that DP can carry on paying lots for his first child if the child's mother doesn't work.

Pinky blinder - thank you 😊

pinky blinder - yes I want to do anything not to go back into private renting it would be so much worse and would probably never get on the property ladder whereas the area I live is right in city centre and it’s not a council estate even though it’s obly a 1 bed.

I grew up pretty skint sharing a room with my sister parents sometimes sleeping in the living room and we never felt left out of course I want to be in as good a position as possible but I know it’s possibke my parents now have a big house and making £60k + in a very cheap area.

And my partners ex wife doesn’t work / never worked since having a child - I’m not judging her I understand it must be hard with a child but he’s made mistakes but he definitely pays child support and does the best for his child. And of course kids cost money so I shouldn’t have a child with any man who already has one cos he’ll have less money ? How silly (other posters have said this )

Thanks for your reply !

Roc - so which should I chose ?

Buy my 1 bed council flat, finish mortgage in 5 years, decorate it nicely

Or leave a 2 bed flat rent privately, paying double rent never being able to get the deposit together due to high rent or if by some way we can, be stuck in a 20 year morgate?

Which would you choose? I hate debt and I think it’s more responsible to go with the affordable option not get into huge debt for 1 extra bedroom.

Mrbeanteddy - I know Jesus ! I asked for advice but some of the replies saying no one should have kids unless they are upper middle class is quite gross.

I also work in the charity sector and I think you need to wait more years and get a better paid job.

At 27, I was earning just a bit more than minimum wage, and started saving a fairly paltry amount. At 33, I was made a manager, my salary increased and by 34, after 7 years of saving, my husband and I had a deposit. At 35 I'm pregnant with out first, now I'm on a higher salary I can afford to drop to four days a week when the baby arrives. I'm very happy to have the security of our house, I know we're lucky to have managed it but it took seven years of both of us saving to get the deposit.

I would not personally be prepared to have a child in a one bed flat, and I promise you it is possible t get manager-level or specialist jobs in the charity sector outside London- you may have to start by putting your savings towards further qualifications, but it is manageable.

And I'm afraid I agree with others- in literally every case I can think of where children are still in contact with their fathers they go and stay there every other weekend, or at least in the holidays. If you have a sibling for your DPs child they may start to feel how unfair it is they don't get to stay over.

I think it might be worth posting specific info on your finances somewhere like money saving expert to see how you could start saving now- if your rent is as cheap as you suggest it should be possible- and thinking seriously about ways to raise your income. You have many more years of fertility ahead of you and trust me, once you have children the chance to significantly save/retrain etc etc becomes incredibly difficult compared to where you are now.

Children are only as expensive as you make them. Cut out all the unnecessary items and baby paraphernalia and its fairly cheap. The only expensive costs is the 4yrs of childcare before they start school but you can get childcare vouchers to help with that