Is it really possible to change ? I’m a compulsive spender

[Gibraltarlady]

I cannot go out without spending, I can’t help it. I spend my money on food mainly even if the fridge is full. Can someone relate and managed to change ?

I can absolutely relate, hoping someone comes along with some good ideas as we are struggling at the moment (my partner is just as bad)

Me too. I can’t help myself.

I spend when I'm happy, I spend when I'm sad...

My mum is like this. And I learnt from her as a child and have been inclined to this previously.

I've found getting into budgeting helps, with a specific aim in sight for what I'm saving for. So for example I've saved to go travelling years ago (when I hardly learnt anything!) and have more recently saved for holidays and a deposit to buy a flat.

I now have direct debits for my essentials each month (rent, bills phone etc). I then put a chunk is savings and give myself a reasonable set budget for each month for "spending money". This covers eating out, food & anything else like clothes, house items etc. I put this on a pre loaded Monzo card with the idea that when this is gone that's it & I have no more spending money until the next payday.

I then question the spend when I'm considering making a purchase on my Monzo card:
Do I NEED this?
Will I actually use it?
Is it worth it?
Is it good quality/will it last or is it a false economy?
Do I really like/need the item or do I just think it's a bargain?
Can I get it for less elsewhere?

(Obviously I don't question every single food item I buy but having these kind of questions in mind does stop me bulk buying things like chocolate and crisps!)

If it's a big item I'll consider if I have to make cuts from my budget to buy it or if it's worth putting it on my credit card to pay off on payday.
I'm pretty sure there's a list like this on Martin Lewis' Money Saving Expert website so have a look on there for tips.

Ultimately it's a whole change of attitude. You have to want to change your habits and stick to it. I still splurge a bit on clothes every now and again, but I find myself really thinking about what I've already got which is similar, and I tend to buy a few better quality things which will last rather than a tonne of stuff from Primark!

I find this works for me. Not everyone is the same but hopefully you'll find it useful food for thought.

Good luck!

Just had a look on the Money Saving Expert website & found this. It might be helpful.
www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/money-mantras/

Yes it's possible. I used to be "bad" with money and spent stupid amounts on everything and everyone often paying for friends drinks, tickets, lunches and Christmas presents. I bought things to make myself feel better but was always just lusting after the next thing.

First question- what are you saving for? A just in case fund, house deposit?

Two: Have a goal. £200, £350, £1000 or £10, 000. What's your number? Perhaps get your total income and commit to initially saving a set percentage like 10 or 20%.

three: get serious.

Since october I've not bought any new make up or any clothing. It was hard at first but 8 months in it's so much easier and transfers into other things. I don't buy books and I've cut down on buying everything else crap .

How much are you spending on food at the moment? What are your triggers? Do you order online or pop into the stores often after work ?

-I keep £200 in my main account and transfer only around £30 a week for food shopping, so I can't spend what I don't have.
-I have a cheap PAYG Nokia 100. And £10 credit can lasts me a good few months as most of my calls are done through Skype and Whatsapp.
-I quit the gym that's £26 I can save a month.
-I rarely eat out at the moment.

-But the main thing that really helps me is having an account I can put money into but can't withdraw from for a year and another help to buy ISA which I lose my bonus on any money I take out so I have motivation to not touch both. At the moment I'm only putting £25 into each monthly as I'm not working and still studying but it all adds up slowly and I've got 3.5k so far and that's better than nothing even if it is slow.

Stop going to the shops. It sounds goady, but it really helps to change your habits so that you don’t see all the things on offer.

I don’t spend much and grew up in a medium-sized village. I had no easy means of buying branded goods, CDs, gadgets etc as a teen and thankfully never developed a habit for doing so.

Unsubscribe from shopping related emails.., the temptation is permanently there, and the frequent reminders of sales or lovely new shiny products are too much to resist! Since GDPR day, when I disappeared off lots of mailing lists, things have got easier.

My relationship with money suffered when my first marriage broke down so I do understand.

Firstly , are you in debt? If you are phone step change, sort a dmp and cut up cards/pay off the overdraft etc.

Secondly, plan , plan...then plan some more. List all of your outgoings before you get paid and stick to your spending/saving goals.

Also try to work out why you're spending, the way you are and break the pattern. Reward yourself in other ways when the urge to spend arrises.

I know my post makes it all sound simpler than it is , it takes time to change your habits.

Yup been there.
Mentally: I think overspending is a compulsion. I would set myself tasks like ‘3 no spend days’ in a row (only time you’re allowed to break this is travel. Use the food in freezer, don’t take money out etc.) I found myself looking forward to my no spend days. Then started doing things like ‘eat for £1 a day for a week’. ‘Wear a different combination of items already in my wardrobe every day for a month’. ‘Up cycle to change colour schemes (cushion covers, seat covers etc. Even covered an old floor board with a beautiful patterned dress I never wore and it’s now my fav bit of artwork). Things like that gave me a new obsession and the challenge changed my way of thinking (frugalness is just as obsessive as overspending!)

Physically: order new credit cards. Put cards in freezer in a ice bowl. Takes about a day to defrost. USE CASH for everything. I’m like a 50’s housewife with envelopes for food spends, entertainment, travel etc. What’s left over can go into frivolous spending.

I’m sure I can think of other things I do but these are the biggies

Overspending is as much a compulsion as overeating, binge drinking and gambling. It is usually linked to the overspenders emotional state of mind or it can be learned behaviour from parents, partner etc etc.

Money saving expert has a lot of threads on this but basically the answer is to monitor spending by keeping a spending diary or an app on your phone and to budget and keep track of the budget.

We personally have separate savings accounts for car/home improvements/holidays and gifts. We budgeted for long term savings for repaying mortgage, early retirement and DDs towards university, cars, house deposits, weddings and now grandchildren. Both of us have personal accounts with the same amount of personal money each month and all bills and joint entertainment, groceries come from our joint current account.

We do a plan at the beginning of the year as to what we will do to the house, whether a car needs changing or if we will do a big or cheaper holiday.

Having things to save for motivates us not to overspend.

For me (not saying it’s the same for you op) it was chasing a ‘perfect’ life. That dress will make me look slim and professional and so others will see me that way, that face cream will make me look young and attractive, that vase will complete my living room and people will think I’m stylish, that food is all healthy for when I live a running world healthy lifestyle etc etc etc I was an advertisers dream but every item felt like it was going to change my life until I got home and half the time didn’t even take it out of the bag.

Thank you so much for your tips and sharing your experience, it’s very helpful. I’m taking everything on board.

I’m not in debts anymore. If i go out I need to pop in to the shops, i need one thing but end up buying 10 things. I don’t spend on clothes as i’m overweight. I buy stupid things like premium fruits, premium sparkling water etc...I also buy loads on amazon..my last purchase was acetate roll to help when I make a strawberry gâteau !

I’m 40 next year and i want to save for a nice holiday in France !

I have managed to tip my spending habit into a savings habit. On those times when I might have made an “emotional” purchase I instead put a bit more into savings - I look at what’s in my current account and pay off the loose change. (Eg £1.87 of the balance is £501.87) . Having a goal helps too I find.
And get properly logged out of amazon. Or set a rule to leave anything in your basket for 24 hours before checking out

Let’s keep this thread going.
I’m also an overshopper, mainly on clothes. I find it v difficult

@Oly5 that’s my big weaknes. I did the challenge of wear every item in your wardrobe once before you buy anything else. Took bloody months but was fun and rediscovered half of my wardrobe (and a few shockers I couldn’t wait to get home and bin)

It’s so thrilling to buy new clothes and I really love having lots of choice. But the compulsion to add more never goes away!

I managed to stop my clothes buying habit by literally going “cold turkey” while we saved up our house deposit. After a few years of not buying I realised I don’t need constant new clothes/ outfits. These days I tend to only buy to replace something that has worn out (eg my sandals lasted 5 years but they started falling apart so I just treated myself to some new ones in the sale)

I'm going cold turkey today. No more popping in shop, no more buying on Amazon.

Great thread.

I was a compulsive spender and always robbing Peter to pay Paul. However, I learnt that Paul still had to be paid.

These days, I rarely spend. My bills are on DD. All on the same date. What I have left I put into my savings account and transfer £5 per day for spending. I don't have a contact less card either. I have one credit card that I use for fuel and pay off at the end of the month.

I do have one monthly treat, my nails. My hair, my sil cuts.

I have recently packed up smoking and saved £250.

I buy food from butchers. £15.00

Lidl - £10

Fruit and veg - £10

I spend very little outside of work travel. Car insurance is cheap now I have 10 years no claims.

My DH, on the other hand. Is still a spender.

Mc I think that’s the hardest, when you are on a different page from your partner on this. I like your idea of transferring everything into savings and then just pulling £5 a day out for spending. Am going to give some thought to doing that too!

How’s it going @gibraltarlady

I went bankrupt in my mid 20s after running up a lot of debt putting myself through university and then my health rapidly deteriorating. It meant I had a year with no plastic - my wages were paid into a a basic cash account, with just an atm card, no debit card, no cheques, just cash.

It completely revolutionised my spending. It was over 10 years ago and I still agonise over purchases before being (eg if I see clothes I like, I leave them and give it a week - if I still really want it, I’ll then buy it).

The fact you have something to save up for will help. When you’re contemplating buying something tell yourself “that would be a night’s accommodation” or even “that would be a lovely coffee in a cafe” or “that would be a days wine tasting”, whatever it is you want to do,

I’ve also found that where I’m not constantly buying cheap stuff that eventually needs replacing, if I need something I can buy a better quality version that will last me much longer. This cuts down the constant cycle of spending small amounts of money.

Oh and I also got a decent coffee machine and used to take a travel mug to work - it was better than what I could buy in Costa or wherever and saved me a lot of money each day

Yesterday didn’t go well if i’m honest. I spent about 80 quids mainly on food type snacks and 4 tops from H&M that I needed. I had the fuck it it’s friday feeling. Not good I know.

There's a 12 step fellowship that helps with this kind of thing. Debtors Anonymous. A couple of friends who had related issues went, and I gather (although it's described in some cases as being to do with compulsively accruing unsecured debt) that it's very helpful generally around money, including a tendency to under-earn. If you check out their website debtorsanonymous.org.uk/ there's information there, including a kind of "do you fit the profile" kind of thing.

Might not be your bag, of course, but AA certainly worked for me. Other than a voluntary contribution into the pot to pay the rent on the room at meetings - I haven't been to a meeting in years, but I imagine most people are still giving £1 or £2, and most meetings when I was a regular attender just about managed to pay the rent, provide a cup of tea, and keep sufficient Newcomers Packs on the literature rack to be able to gift them to newcomers - you have nothing to lose in giving it a shot.

I don't know about the 12 steps but will look into it. I really like the idea of having 5 pounds a day and sticking to it. £25 a week.