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Original poster

Partner wants involvement in everything I do?

40 replies

jojowilliams · 11/05/2018 08:25

So not really Mum related but wanting some advice,
My other half feels they have to be involved with everything I do.
Note we are not married, my son is not their child and we don't live together
Daft things like I make a blanket for my son they want to be involved, I painted a book case Winnie the Pooh, wanted to be involved as gets annoyed if I paint without them and tells me which bits they want to do....
biggest thing is I'm looking into starting my own business (my idea and I know how I want it) but they insist on doing a website and that I'm not aloud to change ANYTHING as I have no website making skills and they do.
I don't know if they are just trying to be nice but I feel like I can't have any of my own accomplishments? I want this business for me and my son so I can pass it on later on in life if it works out, I suppose I'm just worried as if I don't know anything about the website ect what would stop them taking it if we ever split up? Any advice?

OP posts:

Springnowplease · 11/05/2018 08:26

Dump the controlling prick. It can only get worse.

Original poster

jojowilliams · 11/05/2018 08:29

Not that I'm saying you are wrong (I'm really not) but can I ask why it's controlling? I think I'm maybe just being blind to it :/ but they make out they just want to help...?

OP posts:

TheMamaYo · 11/05/2018 08:29

As a business owner you should have full control over your website. By all means, get advice, opinions, practical help. But always stay in full control of it.

Anyway.. it sounds a bit off. Do you clearly state that you appreciate the offers but would prefer doing it yourself? What is the reaction when you do that?

gigi556 · 11/05/2018 08:30

Sounds very controlling. Will only get worse.

purits · 11/05/2018 08:30

Why are you referring to your partner as 'they'

Original poster

jojowilliams · 11/05/2018 08:37

I have explained that yes, all I get back is do you have any experience in web design? No well I do? And why won't you just let me help you? He said I can have the password obviously for orders ect but he is going to pay for it and design it and if I want to change anything to ask? And I have no idea really? Just did...

OP posts:

Springnowplease · 11/05/2018 08:37

All controlling people say they are trying to help. They are sweetness and light until you say no. Then watch out.

Tell your partner no a couple of times and see what happens. It won't be pretty.

Original poster

jojowilliams · 11/05/2018 08:40

Ok I'm going to tell him no when he wakes up and see what he says... obviously I would like help with the page as I have no idea where to start ;/ but I don't understand why the need to not let me change things... I just assumed that it was jealousy of some form that i want to do something with my life tbh...

OP posts:

snewname · 11/05/2018 08:42

Then you tell him nicely that you don't want any help.
If this isn't respected then get out asap.

Mxyzptlk · 11/05/2018 08:42

Getting annoyed if you paint a bookcase without them? That's not normal.

I'd not trust him with the website. He sounds like the sort of person who could easily 'get annoyed' about something and retaliate by removing your access to the website.

Doesn't sound like a nice person.

snewname · 11/05/2018 08:43

or rather you tell him how much help you wanted it should be respected.

PintOfMineralWater · 11/05/2018 08:48

Designing your own simple website is easy, there are loads of pro-forma websites that are free and it's just a few quid to register the domain name.

But I think that's a red herring, I would be very wary of anyone who "insisted" on stuff like this. Ready in the wings to offer advice, sure. But saying "you will do it this way..." No.

Mxyzptlk · 11/05/2018 08:48

I just assumed that it was jealousy of some form that i want to do something with my life tbh...

If it is that then definitely not a nice person and not someone you'd want to trust with any aspect of your business.

Original poster

jojowilliams · 11/05/2018 08:55

So I've just looked to buy the domain name and but the looks of it they have already bought it as it was available last night! Any suggestions what to do now? I loved the name :(

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 11/05/2018 08:56

More red flags than a Labour convention. DUMP!

expatinscotland · 11/05/2018 08:57

Yeah, get rid of your partner. And you don't need to call your partner 'them'. No one cares what sex the person is.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 11/05/2018 09:00

So he's TELLING you that he's going to help, instead of ASKING what help you would like?

Controlling. He doesn't want to help you.

Designing a website is easy, or you can pay someone. But that's not the main point. Telling you you're not 'allowed' to change anything on your own website???

Shame re the domain name. Ask him if he bought it. Say as the business owner you'd like to be in control of the business website. Tell him he had no business buying the domain name, and ask him to sell it to you.

Say that would make you happy and that's what you want.

If he refuses, then you know he doesn't care about what makes you happy or what you want.

PintOfMineralWater · 11/05/2018 09:13

"So I've just looked to buy the domain name and but the looks of it they have already bought it as it was available last night! Any suggestions what to do now? I loved the name"

Find a variation that fits? It is weird that it's gone as of last night, your partner didn't buy it did he?

Have you tried going to godaddy.com and typing it in and seeing what suggestions work?

snewname · 11/05/2018 09:36

Say that would make you happy and that's what you want. If he refuses, then you know he doesn't care about what makes you happy or what you want.
absolutely.

Dodie66 · 11/05/2018 09:45

That is very controlling and odd that the domain has gone like that. It’s easy to do a website. If I can do it you can 🙂 try something like godaddy as previous poster suggested. You need control of your website

Vitalogy · 11/05/2018 09:52

Have you ever got your own way OP and how does he react when you do?

haba · 11/05/2018 09:53

Do you live together in the same house?
I think you need to look at separating very soon- what you're describing isn't normal kind behaviour.
Perhaps re-post in relationships?
And please- make sure you log out of MN every time you've used it, maybe change your user name too- this type of controlling behaviour means your partner is likely to track what you're doing/looking at/saying online.
Re the domain name- change your name choice, do not use a variant of the name they bought- they will likely use the domain they bought to either extort money from you in the future (if your business is v successful for example).

haba · 11/05/2018 09:55

Oops, or to set up a rival (shill) business and prevent your success.

SickofThomasTheTank · 11/05/2018 10:07

Psycho warning. Reminds me of my ex. He was a controlling nutcase

wizzywig · 11/05/2018 10:08

Agree with haba. If you feel you cant say the truth about your concerns for future claims on your business, make up a lie. But honestly the situation sounds odd

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