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Original poster

AIBU to feel friend if taking the p**s?

43 replies

Devora13 · 20/04/2018 08:37

So this is how it is.
I've been paying his £37 gym membership for a while, I dunno, two years, maybe more. It started out I'd pay for a month for him and it just seemed to be expected to carry on. I've done it because I knew he was struggling with his health and I'm a caring friend. I ask for a babysit in return, but this has probably happened every other month, not monthly, and is never offered.
A couple of months ago, he changed his bank account. I mistakenly made the payment into his old account, and I didn't realise the payment had bounced back. He then tells me it's taken him overdrawn and he'll get charges. I explain that he can call them (as we've discussed before) explain and ask for the charges to be waived. He asked if I would do it for him, and I said they wouldn't deal with me as it was his account.
So he eventually comes back to me, says the bank have said it's a fair charge and tough. I remind him there's a formal complaints procedure, and he says okay but he's no money left to buy food. So I offer to pay for a basic shop for him. He says can I just transfer £15 because he's going shopping with a friend!
I explain my outgoings til my next pay day, and say if I get him some shopping I can put it on my credit card. He says okay, but he'll have to borrow money from another friend.
Later he messaged me to say his friend's money arrived late and now he can't get his weekend 'treat' 'f***g brilliant,' as though this is all my fault. I checked his FB page to see he'd just been to visit a friend in another town and bought a gift for their new baby. AIBU to feel used?

OP posts:
Original poster
Devora13 · 20/04/2018 08:42

Oh I forgot to add, I got the shopping for him and he was unavailable to receive it (I was going to drop it at his home) and he said 'Well you'll just have to use it then'.

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 20/04/2018 08:45

There must be a bit of background as to why you have been so generous, but surely this has to stop. I would be telling him not to place the responsibility on me, and that the favour/arrangement was no longer working for me.

anothernamechanged · 20/04/2018 08:46

I don't understand why you're paying for his gym membership. It's obviously set a precedent and he now expects this, and more, from you.

I would just tell him that you can no longer afford to pay for the gym membership and he should cancel it if he can't afford it either.

Bumdishcloths · 20/04/2018 08:47

I wouldn't pay for a gym membership for two years, even for my best friend of nearly 28 years. Very weird.

anothernamechanged · 20/04/2018 08:48

If you still want him to babysit then offer to pay him for that instead. Then he can use that money however he wants and it would be a proper arrangement - no babysitting, no money. He won't be expecting you to sort out his financial problems.

Bumdishcloths · 20/04/2018 08:48

And don't give him any more money, he's clearly on the take!

Zeze247 · 20/04/2018 08:49

Yes you are being used explain you can’t afford it any more or make sure you get the babysitting you are paying for. Explain you need the babysitting and if he doesn’t do it you’ll have to pay someone else and won’t be able to afford his gym membership

InDubiousBattle · 20/04/2018 08:49

I'm going to be blunt op. You are not a caring friend, you are a mug! You've being paying his gym membership for two years and then he comes up with this shit?

'It's unfortunate that you haven't organised your finances [friends name]but it isn't my responsibility. I will no longer be paying for your gym membership'.

Bumdishcloths · 20/04/2018 08:49

ALSO

How do you know the money you e been transferring to his account is actually going on a gym membership? Hmm

RestingBitchFaced · 20/04/2018 08:51

This has got to be a joke surely?

onalongsabbatical · 20/04/2018 08:58

Yes, he's taking the piss.
Why are you letting him?
Can you stop giving him any money at all?
What are you scared of?

TodayImThisName · 20/04/2018 09:03

Yes he is taking the piss. I think you should stop giving him any money immediately.

MurielsBottom · 20/04/2018 09:04

But you're not even paying his gym membership - you are subbing him £37 a month and when you try to help him further it is thrown back in your face.

I can't understand why you even need to ask the question. Your friend is hugely taking the piss.

RiotAndAlarum · 20/04/2018 09:05

Is this your 18 y.o. son? The stroppy sense of entitlememt makes him sound it! If not, you can cut him off.

Davespecifico · 20/04/2018 09:06

He is severely taking the mick. Stop the pocket money immediately. You’re not his mum.

ijustwannadance · 20/04/2018 09:10

You are giving him £40 a month!!!
Mug. He is not a friend.

metalmum15 · 20/04/2018 09:13

Why does anyone even need a gym membership? If he can't afford it there are plenty of free ways to get fit, walking, running, youtube workouts etc. He's taking you for a ride and then some. Presumably he's a grown man capable of earning his own money and buying his own shopping so point that out to him and leave him to it.

notacooldad · 20/04/2018 09:13

So assuming you've paid for a minimum of 2 years, that's neatly 900 quid. Why would you even do that?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 20/04/2018 09:14

Can't believe he has done this to you for 2 years.

He's no friend of yours.

Text him 'As you know from the last time you asked me for money, I'm really skint just now and couldn't afford it, hence buying your shopping on my credit card. As you didn't need the shopping you seem to be managing much better than me, so we'll stop the gym payments and if I need you to babysit I can pay you for that.'

I bet you he will be on whining that you won't subsidise his lifestyle like a shot. Stand firm. DO NOT pay him anymore, not one penny.

anothernamechanged · 20/04/2018 09:25

Coffee's text is great. I'd send that.

Bumdishcloths · 20/04/2018 09:43

Tbh at this stage I wouldn't even pay him to babysit. I'm not sure I'd trust someone with my child that had taken me for a mug for two years...

AromaticSpices · 20/04/2018 09:43

Taking the piss, massively. Stop subsidizing his life for him - although it's hugely generous of you it's not actually helping him in the long run, and he's now starting to take advantage.

Go with something like Coffee's text - say you are happy to pay him for babysitting and maybe even making it a fairly regularly arrangement - once a month - but cannot continue making his gym payments for him and putting his shopping essentials on your credit card. You need to draw a line under this, now.

notapizzaeater · 20/04/2018 09:45

Wow, has he MH issues and doesn't realise ? Or is he just taking you for a ride ?

Butterymuffin · 20/04/2018 09:49

How on earth have you ended up doing this? Send Coffee's text and have done with this freeloader.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/04/2018 09:51

Stop being a doormat. He’s taking the piss. Tell him you can’t afford it and the payments will stop.