Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

DP's inheritance

51 replies

Decoratingdisasters · 02/04/2018 06:22

DP is about to inherit around 15,000 from his late Grandfather. We have been together around 8 years and have 2 DCs. We have wanted to get married for a while but have felt reluctant to get into debt for the sake of a wedding.
I naively thought that his inheritance would be used for the wedding, only to discover that DP has other plans for it and has said very bluntly that he does not want to spend any of the money on a wedding. He has said that he wants It to go towards something more exciting such as a small, shared holiday home or would much rather use it to pay off some of the mortgage.
I've asked him how we are ever going to afford a wedding and now he's talking about credit cards? I don't understand it.
I feel a bit gutted, but it is his inheritance at the end of the day, I don't get a say in what it gets spent on... do I?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 02/04/2018 06:30

you don't need to spend £15k to get married, you don't need to spend £1k. I think you first need to stablish whether he wants to get married, or is just using money as an excuse.

M0RVEN · 02/04/2018 06:32

He doesn’t want to marry you . Sorry

thousandpapercranes · 02/04/2018 06:39

A registry office ceremony costs less than £50 and achieves exactly the same as a big expensive wedding. That being said, it does sound like he’s reluctant to marry and he’s making excuses.

bimbobaggins · 02/04/2018 06:45

I agree with him. I wouldn’t want to spend my inheritance on a wedding either.

greendale17 · 02/04/2018 06:46

Yes I agree that he doesn’t want to marry you. He hasn’t even come back with a counter offer of a small wedding

crisscrosscranky · 02/04/2018 06:47

I think PP's are being a bit harsh in that he doesn't want to marry you- if he's anything like my DH he'd be happy with a registry office in jeans whereas I wanted the white dress, church, bridesmaids etc. He certainly wouldn't have spent a windfall on one day.

If you're unlikely to get a large lump sum again investing it in something like a holiday home (presumably a caravan or something!?) seems like a nice idea and a lovely way for the whole family to benefit from his grandfather's gift.

neighbourhoodwitch · 02/04/2018 06:50

absolutely no reason to believe he doesn't want to marry you. I'm sure he does. love the holiday home idea & somehow you will manage to get married.

Olicity17 · 02/04/2018 06:51

If you have been together a long time and gave kids, i do feel you get some say in how its spent.

That said, I would not spend this money on a wedding. When I inherited money, me and (now) ex dh discusses what we would do with it. But no way would I agreed to spend it on one day.

Juells · 02/04/2018 06:56

I'd consider it nonsense as well, to spend a large lump of money like that on one day. Putting some of it on the mortgage is much more a sign of commitment IMO.

AppleAndBlackberry · 02/04/2018 09:12

I think there are often emotional ties to an inheritance and maybe an extravagant wedding is not how he wants to remember his grandfather. I inherited money from 2 grandparents and I used some to move to a larger house, gave some to charity and plan to use the rest to travel. DH and I have completely joint finances but he understands that part of spending this money is remembering my grandparents well.

TalkFastThinkSlow · 02/04/2018 09:14

As someone else said, you could just go to a registry office. I don't think you "need" to have a big wedding.

I think he's being rather sensible with the money.

Also, after a 8 years, 2 kids and a house, maybe he doesn't see the point in being married (?)

scaryteacher · 02/04/2018 09:48

Dh bought a motorised skateboard (two seater kit car) with an inheritance from his Gran and the rest went on mundane things. We did discuss it, but we had been married for decades by then.

When I inherit from my Mum we'll jointly decide what we do with it, but I do want some things to remember her by.

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 09:52

He does sound sensible. £15,000 off the mortgage, or a small investment seems like a better use of money than a wedding.

But then he talks about credit cards and he sounds ridiculous! How does he plan for them to be repaid? Confused

Do you want to be married to him, or do you want to have a big wedding and then be married to him? One is very cheap but the other will cost some amount of money depending on your ideas of what a wedding looks like.

I do think he wants to marry you. He is committing to pay of the mortgage to secure your future together a bit more.

MarthasGinYard · 02/04/2018 09:53

I don't blame him

Sounds a good idea

Get married really cheaply and enjoy paying a chunk off your mortgage instead

MarthasGinYard · 02/04/2018 09:55

Wedding on credit cards

Now only a fool chooses that option.

Maybe he's not bothered about getting married. You have dc etc.

Priorities can change

WipsGlitter · 02/04/2018 10:00

Our wedding was about £3000. But as others have said it can be way less. Blowing it all on a wedding would be madness. Securing your financial future is a better idea.

I've inherited from my mum. Some has gone on "fun" but the main chunk will go towards a buy-to-let to generate an income.

Original poster
Decoratingdisasters · 02/04/2018 10:54

Really appreciate everyone's opinions here, all very different too, which gives me different perspectives to consider. I definitely empathise with not wanting to blow the whole lot on a wedding. I am quite happy with a small, intimate wedding as DP and I have discussed this previously, however DP is a real perfectionist and wants the 'perfect' wedding which I think is a big part of what is holding us back. I'd quite like part of the inheritance to go towards a wedding, but DP really doesn't want this so I guess I should respect his wishes. However the credit card suggestion is a big no for me. I've never even spent on a credit card before. How do other people afford to get married??

OP posts:
DaphneduM · 02/04/2018 11:05

Your DH sounds very sensible and his ideas would be a good use of these funds. As to how people afford to get married, people adapt their budget to suit their circumstances. In many cases parents pay for the wedding. Our daughter's wedding cost about £15k, it was a beautiful day, paid for by me. I was happy to do this as she's our only child, and it didn't strain my finances.

Original poster
Decoratingdisasters · 02/04/2018 11:46

Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to ask or expect my parents to pay as they are poor (due to bad money management over the years) and unreliable. Is it still traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding? Or atleast a large proportion of It? I don't think I'd feel comfortable with DP's parents paying a large proportion towards it as my own parents contribution would be pathetic in comparison. I'd feel embarrsed.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 02/04/2018 11:54

Dd and her partner got married for about £350. She bought a beautiful dress online for £60. Buffet put on by local pub for £250
It was a lovely, happy day and everyone commented on how chilled it was and the best Wedding they'd ever been to.
As people have said, getting married can cost next to nothing and still be a joyous occasion.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2018 11:57

He sounds very sensible. Why on Earth would you blow money on a big wedding when you've already been living together so long and have 2 kids? What a waste! Go get married at Gretna with the kids and use the money on a holiday home or paying down your mortgage.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2018 11:59

'Is it still traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding? Or atleast a large proportion of It? I don't think I'd feel comfortable with DP's parents paying a large proportion towards it as my own parents contribution would be pathetic in comparison. I'd feel embarrsed.'

You've been together for 8 years, live together and have 2 kids! The time for tradition is long gone. Can't believe anyone in such a position would expect their parents to pay for them to get married.

DaphneduM · 02/04/2018 12:05

No it's not traditional at all. But I was happy to do so. Parents-in-law paid for a very extravagant honeymoon for them, so that balanced things up. They appreciated that they were very fortunate. We paid for our own wedding, £1500 in total!!! A long time ago now though. Weddings have got so expensive if you go the traditional route,(country house hotel etc) but they don't have to be. I've been to some amazing ones where they've been done on a very small budget, but have been equally lovely. It's the celebration of the marriage of the couple that counts, not all the trimmings.

NefretForth · 02/04/2018 13:02

Hmm, so he wants the perfect day but doesn't want to spend his money on it - that seems a bit odd to me. If you're perfectly happy with something small and cheap, why not just go with that? Then you're only asking him to spend a small proportion of the inheritance if any. (I got married a long time ago, but the whole day including the wedding rings came to under £1000 - I think you could do it for £2K now).

Original poster
Decoratingdisasters · 02/04/2018 14:48

Expat: I can't say I'm on board with the point of view that because "anyone in such a position" ie anyone who had children before marriage that we somehow don't deserve any help financially or are incapable of honouring any form of tradition.
Your post comes across as prejudice and plain rude. I don't hold the same backward, out of date beliefs as you so your advice is useless to me.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread