Can someone talk to me about debt please.

[Pleasedontjudgeme]

I got married very young at 18, basically trying to escape a situation at home and by 21 was married with two kids.
The marriage was awful and abusive, although not physically it did come very close to it and exh has been violent to other partners since.
After the kids came alone Exh used to constantly walk in and out of jobs lying that he had been laid off and all kinds when he didn't feel like working but kicked off if he didn't get the item he wanted. As a result we ended up in massive debt as I was unable to sustain everyone on my own and unable to claim any help.

We owed money EVERYWHERE, so much that I don't even know half of it. Exh has never worked since and I have paid thousands off.

I've been on my own with the kids for several years and managed up to date with my own stuff but the historical debt occasionally pops up unexpectedly. I've tried looking what some of it is but most of it has dropped from my file.

If I get a letter I contact them and sort a payment, if ex gets a letter he has an absolute fit at me.

Some stuff that has been popping up has been things like council tax which I'm aware could end very badly. I have always tried to clear but I have major health issues as does one of my children.
When bailiffs get involved including for council tax they always ask for way more than I can afford.

I will be honest it has led to me questioning my mental health. It's a horrible way to live and I don't know where to start.

Is council tax the debt your most worried about? Has it now been passed to a debt collection agency? Try not panic :) It can all be resolved

Have you spoken to Stepchange? I had bad debts and they put me on a DMP and got all my creditors bar one to freeze any interest and agree to a low monthly fixed repayment. It took a few years to clear it all but I’m now debt free and slowly rebuilding my credit rating back up

Yes because the other things cannot result in me going to prison and aren't priority debt so more willing usually to negotiate. Yes it's been passed on last month as it's historic and had related orders. To be honest I thought it had been paid but the situation I was living in was chaotic.

Exh currently lives near London miles away from me and currently the bailiff has only contacted exh and not me but it's obvious it's coming.
Even if it isn't I've had major hassle from exh for the last two weeks because he doesn't think they should contact him and as it's gone out in joint names to his address where I have never lived I'm scared that we will both be summoned to court and as a disabled single parent of two children one with SN I cannot afford to get to London so I've been worrying they would issue a warrant if it came to it.

No purplerain.

The problem is I don't know what half of these debts are until a dca pops up.

Okay ring council tax or the debt agency,say you can afford maybe £10 a month,explain your situation(loads of debts,ex....etc),they'll ask when you can make 1st payment and send you out a paypoint card,that'll keep them away from your door. Also if your on benefits have you applied for council tax reduction

Would it not be worth going on a DMP for the debts you do know about so you can get much smaller repayments in place for them and then have extra money each month to cover other debts that might crop up and you can always then add them onto the DMP too?

Thank you I wasn't sure if you could add them.
I get some benefits but I do work although I have a very low working income due to health issues. I do get Ct discount.

Yeah you can add them. I ended up having to add an old BT debt to mine a year or two into it and it wasn’t a problem

DEFINITELY talk to stepchange
and set up a DMP
Once you are under their umbrella, other creditors cannot "ambush" you

In the mean time, tidy ALL of your paperwork and suss out what you owe
put all unsecured (credit card / store card) onto standing orders
and then it will all come together faster than you might think

How old is the debt? If over 6 years old it’s statued barred, which means it’s not enforceable in a court of law, as long as you haven’t made a payment or formally acknowledged the debt in 6 years.

If this is the case then head over to money saving expert where you can get a template to use to send the debtor a letter saying you won’t be paying it, as itanow statued barred.

As you know, council tax is the important one. It sounds like you're taking steps to sorting that out.

For anything else that is historic, you don't need to panic. Debt collectors are very skilled in their attempts. It will truly pay dividends to inform yourself fully about the law, what they can and can't do, what impacts that can and can't have on your life.

Can I recommend a forum called the consumer action group? You will get excellent, specific advice there from people who really know what they're talking about. They will talk you through every step of dealing with these letters and the debts behind them in the way that will benefit your situation most.

Here's a link:
www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/forumdisplay.php?163-Debt-Action-Group

You need to get you credit file, that will tell you what shows under your name, check this as you might be paying some debt you aren't entitled to

Agree with stepchange

Also debtcamel

Best wishes, you don't deserve this but fair play to you for trying to tackle it

Go to money saving expert forums and then post on the debt free wannabe page. They’re just great in situations like yours.

Definitely get a copy of your credit file it will show you everything on there and stop anything unexpected coming up in future.
Agree with PPs speak to stepchange, get yourself on a DMP - I'm pretty certain they will sort it all for you and get one lower monthly payment in place you know where you're at then. Well done for coping so well

Credit file doesn't show any of it as it's all historic and more than six years.

Ok, you need urgent advice and need to understand statute barred regulations

If you get anything else in the meantime don't acknowledge the debt until you have specific advice

National debt helpline
Debt camel
Money saving expert

The debt you are we paying double check that it's in your name if not it's your ex-husbands problem

You don’t need to pay debt back if it’s over 6 years old. You need to read up on statute barred ASAP because if you acknowledge these debts with the creditors then you have to pay them back. If you ignore them then you are legally allowed to not pay them back

Yes I'm just trying to sort the council tax out. I have spoken to my local MP for advice.

Council tax are happy as long as you don't avoid them completely,I learnt the hard way :/

Some very bad information on this thread.
You DO need to pay off debts no matter how old if the creditor has stayed in touch and kept chasing.
(Otherwise mortgages would be unenforcable)

The 6 year rule applies to debts where they have not contacted you in that time.

Old debts stay with you till death.

Definitely get on to the moneysavingexpert forum - there's a template on there called a 'prove it' letter you can use when these agencies contact you about debts you can't remember.

But she can remember it. It was in her post.

I have clients settling debts that go back to 1993 on agreed payment plans.
There is NO time limit on debts where the creditor has sent regular statements.

But TalkinPeace the OP says "We owed money EVERYWHERE, so much that I don't even know half of it"

It's not uncommon for people in this situation to forget creditors, and it makes it even harder when a debt is sold on through two or three debt agencies or has been outstanding for so long the creditor changes business /name.