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Original poster

I need partner to help financially

39 replies

Paradise114 · 27/02/2018 07:52

Hi guys
My partner stays with me 4 days a week and I don't ask him for anything all I ask is he pay for some meat over the weekend as he's a big guy and does a lot of sports so he eats a lot. But this isn't good enough as time has gone by he is actually making things difficult on me. I'm a single mum and work full time yet I'm still struggling money wise.

I just want him to chip in more, sometimes when I ask him to buy the meat I feel like he looks a bit put out and it's making me so angry he lives with his brother and best friend and I've seen him buy shopping for their house hold but he's with me more out of the week! The other day he said he forgot his wallet when we went shopping and he was buying his weekly lunch shop so I paid for it. He said "it's only 15 pounds" and didn't pay me back.
It might only be 15 pounds to him but that's gas money for a week for me especially since he knows the financial difficulty I'm in right now! I'm so fed up but I feel horrible to talk about it. Baring in mind he has his own business but yet tells me he's broke! Urgh please some input ??

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 27/02/2018 07:54

Don't feed him.
Quite simple.

You wouldn't go into Pizza Express and expect to be fed for nothing.

StylishMummy · 27/02/2018 07:55

Sounds like you have a cocklodger. He doesn't respect you and your children

PaperdollCartoon · 27/02/2018 07:57

Why are you calling him partner when he clearly isn’t? He’s your boyfriend and he doesn’t respect you if he knows this extra money is causing you difficulty. Tell him you cannot afford to feed him all this extra food - which I imagine is more than just meat, he can’t only eat that - so he either does a food shop when he comes round or he doesn’t come round. A boyfriend should improve your life not make it harder.

TheQueenOfWands · 27/02/2018 08:01

He's using you.

Ditch him.

43percentburnt · 27/02/2018 08:04

He's a money grabber, run. If it's only £15 I'm sure he transferred the money the minute he got home!

He is trying to make you feel greedy and guilty for asking him to pay his way. Dump him he won't improve.

expatinscotland · 27/02/2018 08:05

Every pound he is using for is a pound he is taking from your children. Can you not see that? You could be using that to better your children's and your lives. He's a pisstaking twat. He's not a partner, he's a shit boyfriend who is cocklodging. What an arsehole. Forgot his wallet, my arse. Just stop enabling him. Are you that desperate for a man in your life? That's sad.

Fishface77 · 27/02/2018 08:10

Cocklodger klaxon.
Every penny or pound you spend on him is a penny or pound that your not spending on your kids.
Ask for the £15 back and say to him as he’s staying at yours for 4 days of the week he needs to contribute more.
Husband reaction will tell you a lot.

Bananalanacake · 27/02/2018 08:10

Make a point of only cooking for you and dc when he is round. When he asks what's he eating tell him you're a bit broke and couldn't afford any extra this week.

Fishface77 · 27/02/2018 08:10

His reaction not husband.

Original poster
Paradise114 · 27/02/2018 08:22

Okay some people on here need to not be so rude about this to me, do you enjoy making people feel like crap about themselves? About am I desperate lol
Don't comment if you're going to be rude.

Let's get it straight he does pay for things and he'll pay for some of his own food as he eats certain things but the point I'm making is I don't think I should have to ask him to buy the meat for the dinners I'm making he should just know to add money in as well for gas and electric because it may be small but altogether it adds up. I'm not going to "get rid" of him for God's sake he's a very supportive and loving partner who's helped me through a lot of crap and I just need to break it down to him so he understands properly and something is put in place every week. I'm just asking for advise on how to say this without cussing him out at the same time. Jheez if anyone has HORRIBLE things to say don't comment on my post!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/02/2018 08:32

'Don't comment if you're going to be rude.'

Oh, the irony! This man is beyond rude to you by taking you for a ride. He knows exactly what he's doing, he doesn't need a cozy chat to understand. He's quid's in with you, gets his meat for free and you cook it, too.

FissionChips · 27/02/2018 08:35

Eurghh, you’re one of those women who put men before their own children Sad

Costacoffeeplease · 27/02/2018 08:38

I assume you’ve already told him, so how are mn magically going to find the words he understands? Does he speak English, have you explained? If yes, then he does know he just doesn’t give a shit

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 27/02/2018 08:40

If he is with you for over 50% of the time, why is he not contributing to half the bills and food? You know this means he is effectively living with you yes?

PersianCatLady · 27/02/2018 08:41

OP - Are you claiming benefits?

Are you living in rented accommodation?

PaperdollCartoon · 27/02/2018 08:44

Say: you eat a lot more than I can provide in my limited budget. Please can you do a food shop when you stay here, or I can’t afford to feed you as well as me and my kids

JediStoleMyBike · 27/02/2018 09:00

I agree with PPs. Just tell him that you can not financially provide for him too, that you carefully budget to afford you and your children and can not add another adult to the bill. Based on how he reacts to this, you know how to proceed. If he says anything other than "I'm so sorry, let me give you £X amount per week that I stay" you should get rid as he's taking you and your finances for a ride, and with little children (and without but especially with!) that's not far on them. They will miss out for the sake of your relationship.

WTFIsThisVirus · 27/02/2018 09:03

He's practically living with you, so he should be chipping in for food and increased bills. You need to work it out and present him with a figure. If he doesn't like it,

If you want to keep seeing him, tell him he can't stay with you that often

If you don't want to keep seeing him, tell him to jog on

You need to protect yourself and your children.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 27/02/2018 09:09

We're not being rude to YOU by referring to your boyfriend as a leech. We're being rude about him.
You should not be financially worse off by having a partner.

Him buying some of his food is not good enough.
If you are buying his food, he is NOT buying his food, therefore he is financially better off by being your boyfriend. Nice.

Popchyk · 27/02/2018 09:10

He understands perfectly. No point in finding brilliant words to explain it to him. He already gets it.

He will occasionally pay for some of his own food at your place (grudgingly) but will make no contribution otherwise. That's what he wants, that's what he's happy with. That's what he is setting out to do - to get a single mum with children to pay for him.

You are the one who doesn't understand. You are the one that doesn't get it.

Not him.

pumpkinpie01 · 27/02/2018 09:19

Does he pay for everything when you go out as a couple - drinks? Meals? Does he pay for days out or at least go halves when you take the kids out ? x

PersianCatLady · 27/02/2018 09:29

The reason I asked if you are on benefits or if you are living in rented accommodation is that you may be considered to be committing benefit fraud and / or breaching your tenancy agreement by having your BF stay over so often.

Do you realise just how much this could affect the lives of your children if someone was to report your frequent guest to either your LL or the DWP?
.

PersianCatLady · 27/02/2018 09:32

Sorry I have just realised that you work full time so I don't know if you claim Tax Credits and LHA/HB or UC.

Chopchopbusybusy · 27/02/2018 09:49

Start by asking him for the £15 back that you lent him. Tell him it might ‘only’ be £15 but that’s what you spend on gas/electricity each week and so it’s a significant amount of your budget. Then explain that you spend a lot more on food when feeding him too and so can he transfer £xx to your account each week to cover the additional shopping.
You need to spell it out to him loud and clear. Then if he doesn’t pay up you know he’s an arse.
I do agree with others though. He’s a boyfriend not a partner.

stitchglitched · 27/02/2018 09:52

You have kids and he has spent your gas money on one of the coldest weeks of the year but you are getting annoyed with posters for pointing out that he is selfish?

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